Being available

Just by being there and being available can determine if someone makes the right or wrong decision. We never think much about it, but if you find yourself directionally lost, a total stranger giving you the right directions almost always gives you a sense of relief, takes you out of danger and saves you a lot of time. So just imagine how much more meaningful it is to be there for people who are emotionally lost or professionally at their crossroads?

One of the commitments I have made in recent years is to make myself available to people in need of advice, a second opinion or in the worse case scenario, to be brutally honest when no one else will. Coming from a family of outspoken individuals, this has never been a problem, but what really motivates me comes from the personal experience of not having someone there to give me directions.

Many people avoid this “responsibility” for fear of getting too involved or the notion that when you start to care and counsel, it eventually becomes too time consuming or too emotional. People are also afraid to be responsible for the outcome of their advice.

I fully understand that people can be very apprehensive about such things, but on the flipside I went through enough mental and emotional disasters in my youth to know that a “mentor” would have made the first half of my life a lot nicer than it was. Every time I hear people talk about “regrets,” stalled careers, ruined relationships, failed marriages and even short lived lives or suicides, I always end up asking why no one helped?

I guess the general behavior is to wait for someone to ask for help. We don’t want to be obtrusive, we don’t want to meddle and we certainly don’t want to be embarrassed over sensitive issues. But the problem is: How do you pick out the person that cares or gives a damn in a room full of people? Just like the Red Cross, people need to know if you’re available to assist.

At 56 years of age, I am now known as “Kuyang,” “Koyang” or “Pader” to quite a number of people. These are not merely titles, they represent part of my commitment to be there for others. It is a form of “branding” or a label that lets people know.

Availability in itself is good, but the commitment requires a definition of terms and relationship. I will be a brother to others, an elder to the young and I will treat them as family. But in the Tagalog tradition of old, the Kuyang when required or appropriate will either be supportive, critical, gentle or firm.

Maybe I saw too many episodes of the TV series “Kung Fu” where David Carridine alias Kwai Chang Caine would leave behind lessons from his days as the orphan “Grasshopper” who was constantly being trained and mentored by the blind Master Po. Whatever it is that stirs me, I have to say that being there and making a difference in the day-to-day life of people is very uplifting, encouraging and rewarding. Just this morning I read in Proverbs: He who refreshes others, will himself be refreshed.

Last week, a young professional was visibly stressed trying to decide if he should leave his job in media and take on a “more responsible” position as manager for a totally different industry. As the evening grew late, he came over to my table and said: Kuyang can you help me decide on my problem.

Within 10 minutes, I shot down the new job that would give him a title plus ten thousand pesos more, but would trap him behind a desk in the company of some of the most “toxic” and stressed people I’ve ever met. I pointed out to him that as a young free spirit, he would quickly regret giving up his job that brought him to different parts of the world. I also told him that his present job offered him so much flexibility and that flexibility provides more opportunity.

It did not take long for other people to join in. I guess people always wait for someone to jump into the water and say it’s fine before they themselves dive in. the funny part was that once I said my piece everyone had a lesson to share. Looking back, I hate to imagine how that young professional’s life would have been six months from now if we did not get to talk about his “problem.”

Consider this: All the lessons we learn from life won’t be real lessons unless we teach and share them with others. God Bless.