A mother's instinct

I cannot claim to be a perfect mother to my twin sons. And neither do I have a perfect family. In fact, I have a dysfunctional family because we only meet early morning before they go to school and I go to work. And we again meet at home every night before we go to bed. That is, if I catch them still awake, studying, or just watching TV or busy with their play station.

The only time we have each other all day long at home is every Sunday, my day-off and they have no school. That’s why I don’t make any appointments or engagements outside my home because I call it “son-day” which I spend exclusively for my sons. So we either start or end each Sunday to hear mass together.

Whenever I say my prayer, I never ask God for anything except for Our Lord to please look after the health of my sons and guide them away from sins and keep them out of harm’s way. And most especially, I pray hard each day for the Lord to lead and guide my sons to the righteous path and that they live as good Christians.

God knows how I try to fulfill my role and duties as a mother to keep my sons safe, healthy, peace-loving and law-abiding citizens, and most especially, God-fearing. I am just like any other mother who has a job or career to help meet my family’s basic needs.

A friend once told me I have so much faith in God that I leave my sons’ fate to His divine guidance and protection. But I remind them that I always find time, not just quality time, to be involved as much as possible with my sons’ activities even to play games with them.

I talk to my sons like we’re close friends and keep in touch with each other by phone or through text messages wherever they may be. They keep no secrets from me, including about their crushes and girlfriends. They are open to me to consult things that only mothers could understand.

We must be thankful that we Filipinos have a culture of extended family. My mother is always there, or my sister or brother would be there at our house if my job keeps me away from our home and far from my kids for several days.

Also, we Filipinos have the luxury of the services of kasama sa bahay or domestic helpers. I consider myself fortunate to have found a very reliable and dependable yaya who has been with us since my boys were barely five years old. They call her Ate Baby. She first came to us to work in 1993 as a house helper while she was still 19 years old. Her real name is Renalyn Panum and she is the fifth child among 12 children. She left their small farm in far-away Bulalacao, in Mindoro Oriental due to poverty.

She finished only up to elementary grade. Nonetheless, she has been the surrogate elder sister to my sons whom she takes care of and nurture like they’re her own siblings. And I treat her like a member of our family, more of a younger sister to me. In fact, she calls me Ate also. When she first came to us, she knew only about washing and ironing clothes. I’m not a good cook but I could say she learned a few tricks from me on how to cook simple dishes.

She is an all-around housekeeper to whom I give my full trust and confidence to care, to protect my sons from harm and sickness, and most especially, to love them like they were her younger brothers. It has been her steady presence in our home that keeps me focused in my work at the office without having to worry about my sons.

She is turning 36 years old next week and she has her own family now. She got married two years ago and she took a vacation last year when she gave birth to her son. She came back to work for us again after her son turned eight months old. Now my sons who are 20 years old have reversed roles. They look after her son while their Ate Baby does house chores.  

My sons are graduating from college this year. They no longer fear their Ate Baby whom they have dwarfed by their height. But they still highly respect their Ate Baby even when she nags them, especially, if they come home late while I’m still out of the house. She is more of a nagger than I am with my kids.

But mothering is not about control and over-doting one’s children. It’s about trust, guidance, and giving your children the responsibility in whatever things they do.

So it’s been disgusting to listen to the dramatic statements being dished out by Marlene Aguilar-Pollard, mother of fugitive road rage suspect, Jason Ivler. Jason along with another son Colby are Marlene’s sons from previous marriages. She got married with British national Steven Pollard who works as a consultant at the Asian Development Bank.

Ivler was finally caught by operatives of the National Bureau of Investigation on Monday after almost two months of hide-and-seek with police authorities supposedly tracking him down. The NBI confirmed from their ballistics examinations that the bullets that killed Renato Ebarle Jr. last year came from Ivler’s .45 caliber that was recovered from the suspect after he shot it out with the arresting authorities.

Ebarle, son of Presidential Chief of Staff undersecretary Renato Ebarle Sr., was shot allegedly by Ivler over a traffic altercation at Boni Serrano Avenue in Quezon City on Nov. 18. All the time that the police have been looking for him since he escaped from the crime scene, Ivler was pinned down in his mother’s home in Blue Ridge in Quezon City.

Aside from the .45 caliber, an assault rifle and bandolier packed with armor-piercing bullets were found in Ivler’s possession. All of these were unlicensed. Ivler used these illegally acquired firearms in trading shots with the NBI agents. He was wounded along with two other NBI agents — Ana Labao and Angelito Magno, in the shootout at the basement of their house where he has been hiding to evade arrest.

“I will take a thousand bullets for my son. I love him with all my heart and soul, til death do us part,” Marlene tearfully dished out to obviously gain public sympathy. I would understand that, from the point of view of a mother’s instinct to protect her children. But for a mother like Marlene to coddle her criminal son is like smothering him to kill or be killed.

The mothers of the victims who died from Ivler’s killer instincts have also every right to protect their children from trigger-happy criminals on the loose like this road rage suspect. With a mother like Marlene, our children won’t be safe.