It's no longer called testing after you pay for it, genius

NO TESTING. A man who was looking to buy earphones went to one of the many stores in a local mall. After he fancied a particular brand and model he brought it to the counter and asked if the could test it on his MP3 player, a practice accepted in many stores. But the store personnel said he cannot test it because the package is sealed. “Miss, unsaon nako pagkahibalo kung mogana?” the man complained. “Pwede nimo i-test sir inig human nimo og palit,” she replied. “Ay binuang! Ini’g human namo og bayad amo na baya na. Dili na testing ang tawag ana miss oy! Ang tawag ana gigamit na,” the man reasoned. Having no reply the cashier only smiled.

AGILE THIEF. Bus passengers should be warned. Just because they are at some height from the pavement does not mean snatchers can’t get to them. An Ear source said he saw a bus stop for a red light at the corner of N. Bacalso and V. Rama avenues one night when he saw a small boy dart out of the shadows to the side of the bus, execute a lithe leap and grab the cellphone of a woman who had been busy texting. The boy then ran into heavy traffic just as the light turned green. “Mora ra man og wala,” the Ear source quoted a witness beside him as saying.