Star makeover

One of the more interesting items in the news was the report that businessman Manuel V. Pangilinan was still on the prowl. In an interview, Pangilinan said that he was still pursuing negotiations for what the Philippine Daily Inquirer described as “the country's third most widely read newspaper, the Philippine Star.” Funny, I had thought that the Star would come in second, at the very least, but I won’t dwell on this – I could be accused of possessing a bias. 

 That led me to wondering, what would MVP do once he successfully takes over the reported 75-77 percent of Philstar (and by default, this regional paper) that he’s sniffing at? On his first day at work, what would be the changes that he would institute?

Oh sure, there’ll be the normal corporate takeover stuff that’s so humdrum for those in the M&A world. Things like changing the Board members, picking a new President, and of course, the most important item in the checklist for any acquisition, changing the authorized bank signatories. (Make sure it’s your people who cut the checks!) But with MVP at the helm, what other magic could that widely acknowledged biz-whiz whip up when his well-heeled shoes clacks into the newsroom?

Would he change the logo? Blue and yellow’s so mundane, maybe he could jazz it up a bit with a dash of tangerine and crimson. 

Would he fire the social-climbing writers, like Brian Gorrell suggested in his now infamous blog? (Off with their certainly gelled and allegedly coked-out heads!)

Of course, he could also replace those pesky know-it-all and unfeeling columnists from the paper’s regional subsidiaries who more often than not just blab about issues they know nothing about with the only thing in mind being to submit something half-fit to print. (Oh wait, that could be me…)

It would be fun if MVP created a whole section devoted to community news. Stuff like updates on HIV-AIDS prevention, proper condom use, the cutest swimwear, the Yogyakarta principles (silly, stop wondering about what I’m blathering about. Of course I’m talking about the gay community.) 

Having run out of ideas, I turned to my friends. One fastidious neat-freak said he wished the Star didn’t have as much bleeding bloody ink as it has on its pages. He was always having to watch out for newsprint whenever he picked up the Star. Another suggested the use of pink paper for the pages, much like the Italian sports rag. (Great suggestion, you end up with pink and black smears on your hands, instead of just the normal smudge.)

One hilarious suggestion was the more liberal use of ‘scratch-and-sniff’ technology. Not just for cologne or perfume ads – there could be a million other applications for it. Like all those products proclaiming they had the best scented washing powder – those could have samples burrowed within its pages. Or Figaro could distill the scent of freshly brewed coffee and let it waft over a drowsy reader. (With a time-delay mechanism, allowing it to operate only during early morning or right after lunch). The more refined application of this would be ads with the ‘lift-and-peek” version, which Bench Underwear could ‘unveil’ as part of a new campaign.

I had asked for whimsical – but I got these sober ideas. This person asked Manny to change the lifestyle section – he wanted its slant to be transformed to something more aspirational, and less condescending. That would ease up the pretentiousness he perceived in the paper. He found the writers in op-ed to be weak, and asked that they be replaced (especially one of the owners.) As a last salvo, he wanted all the journalists who are in the habit of accepting payola to be kicked out.

Quite a tall order. These ideas would be enough to get anyone fired, if pitched to the wrong person. Not knowing who Manny is and how he would react, the best solution, I thought would be to email him all the good and bad crap I’ve come up with, and see what he does with it. Maybe he’ll love it and hire me on the spot. Maybe he’ll even appoint me President. 

(But don’t forget, being designated bank signatory is the most important detail.)