How to handle a family feud

Didn’t we say so many times before that Christianity is not an easy religion? I guess the same can be said for our Jewish brethren, after all they too embrace the Ten Commandments of God just like the way we do. In today’s Gospel reading which is taken from Matt. 18:15-20 we are taught by our Lord Jesus Christ on how to deal with a brother who sins against us.

[Jesus said to his disciples] 15 “If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. 16 If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 7 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

18 Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, [amen,] I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

While this is a very short teaching, it carries a lot of meanings. Call it a divine instruction on how to handle a quarrel within your family unit or your greater family within your neighborhood; after all, the Lord witnessed the very first family squabble, which ended with Cain killing his brother Abel. But if you didn’t know yet, Cain didn’t commit murder because, at that time, there were no laws or statutes that punished someone for killing another or how to handle a family feud; and the Ten Commandments was still to be written in stone. But still God punished him not so much for killing his brother, but for lying to God when he was asked, “where was Abel?”, and to which Cain gave that famous reply, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

Today’s Gospel reading may be a very short one, but these are clear instructions by God on how to handle a rift in the family or a sibling rivalry. Let me say it here that not only God, but a lot of lawyers and judges know a lot about this problem because many legal cases in many family corporations stem from some kind of sibling rivalry—be it about control of the family business or just about plain and simple greed. Go around the Palace of Justice and you will hear the case of Juan dela Cruz vs. Juana dela Cruz that probably takes more than fifty percent of our courtroom backlog.

But the Lord doesn’t tell us to go to a judge or a lawyer if your brother sins against us. He teaches us to talk things out first with your brother. If he listens to you, the game is over … no expensive court suits, no lawyers or corrupt judges to pay and, most important of all, there is peace and harmony within the family unit. If your brother or sister refuses to listen to you, however, the Lord teaches us to bring two or three witnesses so that the community would know that an attempt to reconcile was made by you.

If still that brother refuses to listen, then the Lord teaches us to tell the whole church. If still that brother refuses to listen, then you are advised to treat him like a Gentile or a tax collector. In a manner of speaking, you and the church can now ostracize your brother, just like the way the Jews treated the Gentiles or tax collectors at the time of Jesus. No, the Lord still didn’t mention that you go to a court of law … knowing perhaps that we cannot get justice in a court that is presided by a corrupt judge. But how many of us even care to bring to the attention of the church our family problems? Sure we may confess them to a priest, but that’s a totally different matter.

Perhaps the most important statement for all Catholics to remember in today’s gospel is when the Lord told us, “I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” This is the power of collective prayer, where in most lay communities like the BLD, we have an Intercessory Ministry, which is the engine of prayer for the community whose petitions and requests and thanksgiving prayers are read by the group.

At this point, we pray for the healing of families who often wound each other with harsh and painful words and hardened by pride and greed. These broken families always seek assistance from our courts, which often takes a generation to solve, if it gets solved at all. In the meantime, families get separated and the business that many parents hand down to their children are broken up, and divided and disappeared. If there is a lure to Charismatic Communities today, it is that they provide that outer family … a church-based support unit that can come to one’s aid when a family trouble erupts. And when things go awry, they can become your prayer warriors to intercede in your behalf to pray to God for the reconciliation of your broken family.