Living life in the present tense

I had misgivings about Eugene from day one.

Why not? It was never made clear to me if he was celebrating life or anticipating death. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about his success as a CEO of one of the largest US accounting firms, or his regret at being an absentee father.

I was certainly very interested how he went about reforming a culture so immersed in work, how the worst possible time in a person’s life could positively transform an apparent Obsessive Compulsive and Control freak with a capital "C".

I needed to understand why he thought "Living in the present tense" was more important than thinking of the future or reflecting on the past. Soon enough I would also have to learn how a so-called "Winner" who failed at living a balanced life could espouse a corporate commitment to develop employees whose lives were balanced at work and at home.

At a distance he looks like a cross between Cary Grant and Steve Martin. But his words and his thoughts hypnotize you. He might be speaking of the unsavory thing we call death, or rehashing his past trials, his fierce struggles, and his cherished victories. Somehow he avoids being boring, somehow walks you from one concept to another without feeling disjointed or confused.

Somehow you knew that he knew what you needed to know.

Because he’s dying, you listen.

Because he’s not afraid, you pay attention and wonder how?

But it’s because he talks about the process like a researcher making a never before heard or shared discovery, that’s why you don’t walk away.

Beyond the average tale of sickness and death, he takes you on a journey where he attempts to be master of his ultimate destiny, his death.

In life he made the choices, made the decisions. In dying he chooses quality over the mythical hope for longevity. His choice of treatment would be the one that keeps him well not the one that "MIGHT" keep him alive.

He did not want a medicine that did more hurt than good even if it might give him a few more days, not if it involved pain, discomfort not just for himself but specially for others.

It was ironic that for someone whose brain was basically fried by cancer, he was now exerting every mental effort to stay focused, to stay in control.

Yet Death mocks him by changing the perspective. A few months earlier he was a CEO who had an 18 month work calendar full of engagements.

Now he was just Eugene with a personal goal of seeing the sunset next year.

"Before the diagnosis, my last thought every night before falling asleep usually concerned something that was to happen one to six months later.

After the diagnosis, my last thought before falling asleep was . . . the next day."

Eugene was certainly not a quitter. Where others would have been bitter, the consummate CEO saw reason and purpose.

"Back when I was CEO, I expanded our firm’s mentoring program so that everyone would have a mentor. Later, as I was dying, I couldn’t help but think that learning all I did about death’s approach has forced on me the responsibility to share my experience. I wanted to mentor someone, even one person, with the knowledge I gained.

I remember making a mental note of it: If we actually put together all the really meaningful productive days of our lives, we would only need half a lifetime . . . maybe . . . even less.

He had a good head start at re-evaluating life after they re-evaluated their corporate mind-set. First they asked their partner what mattered most. I thought partners meant the same thing it did in the Philippines. Fortunately it didn’t.

To them Partners were their people. Management did not call them employees or staff. It was either their people or partners.

Their people when interviewed listed down very interesting stuff.

First that mattered was Family. To do work what was enjoyable. To have a life away from work. To be around smart, upbeat colleagues, in a team environment. To have an opportunity to mentor others.

They came to terms with the destructive culture where the wife or family was never part of the corporate equation, they worked on compassion, they removed the notions of job insecurity and threat.

They did not talk good health they learned it and trained at it corporately. They learned and relearned concepts of sleep and real rest. Of exercise and motion. In other words Eugene the CEO was well prepared for the biggest challenge of his life . . . His death.

CHASING DAYLIGHT

How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life.

A book by Eugene O’Kelly / Powerbook / National Bookstore