Gay, lame, addict, criminal, moron - a child is still a gift

A capping ceremony is an important rite in the life of a nursing student. One of my three daughters will be undergoing such a ritual today. As has always been the case with us, the whole family will be there.

Whatever the occasion, be it a capping ceremony or a simple parents meeting, a school activity is always a big deal to my family. And judging by what I have seen in the 20 or so years that I have been a parent, a school-related activity is similarly a big deal to most families.

Even when the occasion is far from being a cause for celebration, as when a parent is summoned over a child's class behavior or over grades, I or my wife always make it a point to be there for our child.

You know, I grew up in the Sixties. I belong to the so-called Baby Boomer Generation. And because this generation was the first to challenge established orders, it sort of came naturally that this generation would also be the first to spawn an openly gay subculture.

What this means is that my generation grew up side by side with the very first openly gay men the world has probably seen. For I cannot remember growing up and seeing gay men of an older generation. Maybe the generations older than me killed them or what. I do not know.

But this growing up together made us tolerant of gay men. Not that we took to having them in our midst like ducks would take to water. When we were kids, we actually always made them the butt of our sick jokes. But they were there and eventually we came to accept that.

Maybe the realization that they laughed at the same jokes as we did, or that they ached over the same hurts that we suffered helped. They were human too after all, perhaps a little strange, but certainly not freaks.

Now back to being a parent. As I said at the outset, I am a father of three daughters, so I never went through what other parents may have experienced on realizing one of their children is gay.

But let us not kid ourselves. And I am saying this without any intent to be disparaging or condescending. Despite having shed all bias and having come to accept that we do share this planet with gays, I know I would have been unprepared had a gay child been born to my family.

I would therefore presume that the vast majority of families out there would be similarly unsettled under such circumstances. Still and all, I guess, that would be all there is to it, an issue that, since it is all about coping, is not insurmountable.

What I mean is, okay, the child is gay, but do you have to kill him the way some barbaric societies in the Middle East do? Or if you think murder is going overboard, is ostracizing your own child an acceptable reaction on the part of a parent?

I think not. In the deepest recesses of your soul you may harbor the darkest of all disappointments, but as a parent raised under such Christian values as suffering and forgiveness, you do not contaminate your own flesh and blood with whatever issues you may hold against God.

There is no limit to the hurt a parent may suffer when expectations go haywire. But there is no turning your back. Gay, lame, addict, criminal, moron - in the end a good parent manages to gloss over these kinks and still put in a good thought, word or deed for his child.

A child is always a gift, no matter the shape and size of the package. I hope that is clear to all parents, especially since it is Christmas, and we here in Cebu are being treated to this spectacle of a family whose father is disowning a child because he is gay.

All of us have no business with the issues hounding this family. But in a society that derives great strength from family ties, we cannot help but be affected. The family crisis may be of no great interest to the public, but it does strike closer to home, where hurts are greater.