The three terrors

Call them Angie, BF and Joey – Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes, Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) Chairman Bayani Fernando and Interior Secretary Jose Lina Jr.

Not quite the three tenors, and not quite Tito, Vic and Joey. But the three Cabinet members were entertaining in their concert at the Manila Hotel Monday night. Where we weren’t impressed by singing prowess (particularly Dulce’s), we laughed at the hilarity. Imagine the secretary of defense swinging his hips on stage while singing Wooden Heart.

I couldn’t believe I took time out to watch the MMDA chief belt out Twilight Time. But hey, it was a good break from my usual musical fare of Eminem and Missy Elliott. By the time BF got to his slow take on Guantanamera, I was laughing and, remembering a cartoon show, cheering, "Andale! Andale!" — whatever that means.

It was like watching karaoke buffs strutting their stuff. Only it was on stage and the audience had to pay P1,000 each to watch it. The show raised funds for free legal assistance for good cops facing harassment suits in line with their work. The concert was scheduled last month but had to be postponed because of the war in Iraq. This week, despite SARS, the show had to go on or the three men could forget what they had practiced.

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The revelation of the night was Lina, who can give Martin Nievera a run for his money, no kidding. Lina should seriously consider a career change, then return to politics when he becomes a superstar. Then he can aspire for higher office. That’s the ideal career path in this country. Otherwise he’ll simply get wrinkled and grizzled if he continues his futile battle against jueteng lords and their coddlers.

I’ve known for some time that Reyes loves to sing, and of course all graduates of the military academy know how to dance. One of the first things military commanders learn these days is that their defense chief loves to croon tunes by Michael Learns to Rock. One of those tunes was Reyes’ opening solo number at the concert.

BF can carry a tune but lacked Lina’s showmanship. BF griped on stage near the end of the three-hour show that he was exhausted, he didn’t know he was going to work so hard for the concert but he had signed a contract, and he wasn’t even going to get paid!

I don’t know how Lina managed to persuade BF and Reyes to join the show. My guess is he told them it would be good practice for a political campaign.

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The show’s ending had to be reworked because President Arroyo arrived very late and missed the wacky parts. So the three terrors had to reprise their numbers, with Reyes repeating his take on Wooden Heart.

Some sourpusses are sure to criticize the three men for singing with all the problems besetting the country. But that’s so Filipino – we sing our troubles away. In almost every Filipino there’s a professional singer – or at least a karaoke buff – waiting to get out.

The three men rewrote John Lennon’s Imagine, with the lyrics wishing all the country’s problems away, from traffic and garbage to mulcting cops and the Muslim rebel attacks in Zamboanga del Norte. I hope the United States, whose ambassador Francis Ricciardone was in the audience, does not hit them for copyright infringement.

What did President Arroyo think of the show? A colleague guessed what the President thought: Maybe I’m not giving the three men enough work.

"Imagine this is heaven," the three men crooned. "It’s easy if you try." Oh no it’s not. OK, guys, now that you’re through imagining the nation’s salvation, it’s back to the salt mines.

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U.S. AID: Speaking of the Americans, a US government official told me their military assistance to the Philippines has been increasing "exponentially" since President Arroyo assumed power. Washington’s foreign military assistance to the Philippines has quadrupled for the past two years, the official said. Anti-US groups aren’t going to like that, but the Arroyo administration clearly aims to strengthen ties between the two countries.

The official told me Armed Forces chief Narciso Abaya went to Washington earlier this year seeking $40 million in military assistance and was told there was no money in the Americans’ budget for 2003 for foreign military aid. But yesterday we received a report that US President George W. Bush signed an emergency supplemental war budget last week that included foreign assistance to one country: the Philippines. The outlay amounts to $60 million — $30 million for military assistance and the other half development aid for Mindanao.

That’s $10 million short of the amount Abaya had sought, but the rest could come in the form of military hardware. Air Force chief Nestor Santillan, who also watched the concert of the three terrors, told me his command is hoping to get more fighter aircraft from the Americans.

During the Balikatan war games in Basilan last year, the military received from the United States five refurbished Huey helicopters worth $1 million each plus a C-130 cargo plane together with big trucks, body armor and thousands of rifles.

Since our government can’t provide enough funds for our soldiers (whatever happened to the modernization money?), the Armed Forces of the Philippines is turning once again to Uncle Sam for equipment and training.

More equipment is expected to be turned over by the Americans to the AFP once the Balikatan in Sulu gets underway later this year.

Except for the venue, plans for the war games have not yet been finalized. The Americans had originally planned to bring in the USS Essex, a multipurpose amphibious assault ship, to facilitate the movement of troops and equipment between Zamboanga and the Sulu archipelago. But even this plan is on hold.

The final terms could be approved during President Arroyo’s state visit to Washington this month. All terms will be submitted to Congress for approval.