Money, a key tool in teaching morals in grade school

( Part 3 of a series on Financial responsibility of parents and children )

The first time I taught Grade I students, I was quite surprised to discover the common attempts of the sixes and sevens to steal. I was used to teaching kindergarten kids whom I taught from 1960 to 1970 in Makati – this mixed group of Filipino, American and European children including those in my Montessori Casa dei Bambini in Perugia, Italy never stole anything from one another.

The period of 6 to 12 years is characterized by enormous reasoning power, moral sensitivities and tendency to form groups. Since their conscience is developing, grade schoolers get anxious about what is right and wrong. They need to be taught the rules of morality. Real life situations in the scouting movement are the best experience whereby he can relate ethically with his age group and elders.

Another learning experience is religion classes. For Catholic children this is usually the time to prepare them for the sacraments of Confession and First Communion when they are taught God’s Ten Commandments, Thou shalt… thou shalt not…" Let us see why experiences involving money, especially, affect the child’s moral maturation.

Working for pay

What I am going to say may raise a few eyebrows. YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD GO ON THE FAMILY PAYROLL. They should be getting an allowance in the form of "pay for work" at specific jobs. This can start in Grade I. Not all parents will believe that their six-year olds are prepared for this. Kids are born with "a sense of entitlement", which they absolutely need as infants. The groundwork is laid young.

One of life’s most important lessons is this – The natural consequence of life is that money follows work. Remember "get it/spend it/save it/give it"? "Get it" has to come first.

There are only two legal ways to get money – someone gives it to you out of the goodness of their heart, or you earn it. In the normal course of life, no one is going to give you enough to enable you to get by – and you probably wouldn’t feel that good about yourself if you did live like that.

Meantime, the more you go on just giving, the more you are fostering entitlement without the child working to deserve it. Do not be surprised if she learns that lesson and keeps expecting stuff without working for it.

Citizen of the household

"Work for pay" means an allowance based on a specified series of chores that are over and above what is expected of your child as part of either his personal development or his normal role as "a contributing member of your household".

A child should never be paid for brushing his teeth… taking a bath… going to bed on time… crossing at the pedestrian lane… or any other act that relates to personal hygiene or the development of personal responsibility and self-discipline. He should also not be paid for "Citizen of the Household" chores. There are chores which everyone in the household is generally expected to chip in and do. For example, putting toys back in the toy box, putting clothes in the hamper, or helping set and clear the table.

Work-for-pay chores are whatever you designate as a special chore that will become the child’s special responsibility. These chores may include helping with dusting… helping to sort recyclables… or organizing the flatware after washing the dishes.

The Job Chart

Make a list of chores that your child can handle and put a Chore Schedule Chart (please refer to chart below) where you both can see it – the refrigerator is the most likely spot in most households. Explain what all the chores on the chart are and how he will do them. Check them off with a big check mark when it has been completed. When all the boxes are checked, he will get his allowance for the week. Use your judgment in making jobs – the chores should not be so hard that you are slave driving your child, but they should be real to give him a real sense of helping.

Rotate chores among your children. Chores should teach a variety of life skills to boy and girl children equally. Rotate even among children of different ages – although the amount of work is pro-rated according to age.

The household rule for chores is "No work, no pay". This is one of the household values they should understand from an early age. This needs a positive reinforcement.

Accustoming your grade school children to citizenship

Accustoming your children to citizenship and responsibility in the larger community all come out of the home. An important groundwork is teaching the concept of money as part of a continuum. Spending does not exist in isolation from getting. Getting does not exist in isolation from earning.

As long as your child is on the work-for-pay allowance, you should pay him his age. For a six-year old, P6 a day times five days or P30 weekly, and for a 12-year old, P12 a day or P60 a week. This usually works well for a child who takes along his homemade snacks and drinks. Stick to the same basic schedule with a "raise" each birthday.

It really is important to pay enough. If you pay a child too little, you are teaching her it is not worth it to work.

The Good Citizen Chart

The reward for work is pay – the reward for behavior (being a good citizen) is a behavior-oriented treat.

Keep a Good Citizen Chart (please refer to chart below), next to the job chart. On that chart, put your child’s rewards, which may be redeemable in cash, but may be also by means of a picnic or a family outing to the zoo or some other special place. Or you can set up a ‘treasure chest" – a grab bag of little toys in gift-wrapping that your child can dip into after accumulating a certain number of gold stars.

In the Gold Star Chart, you can cut a picture out of a magazine (or draw one yourself) to illustrate the treat at the bottom. As with the chore chart, you will have the child check off the activity after she has done it. Then, stick on the gold star after verification.

Household management cannot be a democracy

Your school-age child, even your five-year old preschooler, is old enough to be a full-fledged participant in your family meetings. These are the meetings where goals and plans are made, where rules are discussed, and – very important in a household where the value of money is a key tool in the teaching of values to your children – where budgets and budgeting are discussed.

A household is not and cannot be a democracy, though it can and should encourage participation, and respect the opinions of all members of the family. Ultimately, though, it is the parents who make the decisions.

This is, after all, the way the real world works, too. Work on a job is not democratic either. With luck, you can be in an organization where employee input is encouraged or have a boss who will solicit your opinions, but ultimately a business organization, whether it be a large corporation, small retail store or college faculty, is hierarchical.

This is an important distinction and one that kids should understand early. All parents have heard gripes from their kids, like "I thought we were supposed to be living in a democracy." Explaining the difference between democratic and hierarchical structures in addition to being a valuable lesson in citizenship will head off many of those complaints. In much the same way, explaining the difference between work for pay and Citizen of the Household chores will head off another situation that can arise all too easily – Kids demanding to be paid for everything.

The family meeting can, however, teach a wide variety of life skills to your kids: decision making, goal setting, problem solving, negotiating, brainstorming, arbitration, creative thinking in a group, and public speaking, to name a few. It can be a situation where children learn to show respect for the ideas of others and learn also that their ideas can be respected.

The art of listening exercises

Family meeting should be held on a set schedule in a special place that feels at least a little ceremonial. The dining room is good if you have one. The kitchen table is just fine, too. You can make it look a little more official with little notepads and pencils at every seat or just a sign announcing the family meeting.

Once a month is a good interval for a meeting, although you may choose to have them more frequently, like once every two weeks. Pick a day and time when everyone is likely to be at home and when the little ones are not too tired.

You should also have some provision for emergency family meetings, if something comes up that absolutely has to be discussed. By the way, if the emergency meeting concerns a family member (for example, someone is not doing his chores) that family member has to be there – he cannot be excluded.

A family meeting begins with a written agenda and all the decisions that are made for the family should be recorded in a family journal which becomes a permanent record for your family. The journal should be kept where everyone can have access to it – in the family room, in a special drawer, or on the family computer.

Everyone should be encouraged to submit items for the agenda to the family member who is the group leader for the upcoming meeting. This does not have to be any sort of formal submission.

Everyone in the family takes turns being group leader and everyone takes turns being recording secretary. Use your judgment on this: Your five-year old probably is not ready for either job, but your eight-year old may be. Most kids should be able to start taking on the responsibility at somewhere between eight and ten.

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