They're all mixed up - Gotcha

Must be Friday's full moon. Or maybe dirty air is making us woozy. But Filipinos seem to be getting all mixed up. Joseph Estrada is raising a military alert for, uh, police work. Cops are threatening to go on strike because their chief is sacking mulcting superiors. The El Shaddai is born against a "confirmed 3-D plot."

The more they explain, the more they sound confused. Marines, not security guards, start patrolling malls. When citizens raise a howl, a PNP spokesman says, "Not to worry, Marines will wear khaki uniform and carry only short arms, they'll hardly be noticed." Yet Estrada insists their street visibility will scare criminals away.

The SEC chief's flip-flopping on whether Estrada pressured him to clear a presidential pal of insider trading can be construed as cowardice. But Estrada's twin reactions are strange. First, he acknowledges the man enjoys security of tenure in a quasi-judicial agency beyond his authority. Then he tells him to resign because he has lost confidence in him.

That's not all. A Senate President turns into presidential spokesman and butts in to claim that, although he's no lawyer, he's sure SEC is within Malacañang control.

Then there's a resigning finance chief firing a broadside against a government culture of corruption. Estrada dismisses him as a sour grape, then sacks two finance agency heads and seeks abolition of a third.

Some say confusion afflicts only government men. It would seem so. The NBI, supposedly the premiere law enforcer, has become official keeper of the Christian calendar. Because Christmas is over, it says it will drop its probe of whoever forged presidential staff chief Lenny de Jesus' season's greeting cards.

A new finance head grumbles about inefficient tax and duty collection. His first official act: to cut BIR-Customs 2000 collection targets.

The Palace spokesman keeps saying that Estrada limits himself to broadcast interviews so print journalists can't misquote him. Then he shuts off radio and TV reporters from presidential coverage.

Critics aver that officials are befuddled because Estrada himself is. And they're not quipping this time about the officials wearing orange wristbands like the Boss so they can tell their left hand from the right. They say the immensity, complexities, rigors of the Presidency confound him. They may be right.

Estrada should be angry with the Supreme Court ruling on Mark Jimenez. Upholding the man's "right" to evaluate US extradition raps and evidence against him, it handcuffs the President from future foreign policy initiatives. Estrada doesn't like his power being questioned, much more curtailed. He barks "mag-Presidente ka muna" at slighest provocations. Now he's silent.

He says he's helpless against fuel prices rising from a world crude oil free market. Presented with a fresh idea for an Oil Exchange that would give the Big Three a run for their money, he ignores it.

But confusion -- some spell it with a capital "I" -- is bliss. How nice it is to see our President relish a new poll that validates old fallen ratings, simply because the pollster mocks that, if at all, it shows he might still win by a slim margin if elections were held today.

INTERACTION. B. Simpao, aol.com: "Knowing how the U.S. Postal Service operates, I feel it unkind to blame postmen there if mail is tampered with, stolen, lost. Mail is prepared before a carrier does his rounds. Letters are sequenced by street and house number. Theft occurs during processing, when mail is sorted upon arrival from abroad. A carrier only gets mail assigned to him for delivery. Since he's known in the community, he's less tempted to peek into mail."

I wouldn't be so sure, B.

Ruel Soliva, Moreno Valley, Ca.: "My wife gave birth in RP on Dec. 19, and mailed me a picture of our baby three days later. As of this writing (1-22-2000) I have yet to receive it. Why does it take so long for mail to get here, when it takes only five days for mail here to get there?"

You mean they tamper with outgoing mail, too, Ruel?

Joel Calderon, ntep.jp: "Good: Man rapes my daughter; I get to pay for his room and board in Munti. Better: State executes rapist; I pay for costly lethal injection. Best: Man rapes my daughter; Fred Lim shoots him in the head. No fuss, cheap, straight to the point."

Shh, Joel, don't distract his aim.

Joselu Legarda, Makati: "The World According to Erap: (1) A President is always right. (2) Criticism is not welcome, see Rule 1. (3) He doesn't need to meet expectations; problema nyo yan. (4) He must show gratitude to friends. (5) He takes advice only from these friends. (6) He does not have cronies, only investors whom he must protect. (7) He is indispensable for he is full of good intentions. (8) His good intentions for the nation and protecting investors in Rule 6 go hand in hand. (9) He does not excourage gambling, he only wants the masa to play the way he does. (10) The President does not blame others for his woes, he only lets people vent anger on somebody else."

Does he have this framed and hanging on his wall, Joselu?

Marianne M. Lopez, pworld.net: "I enjoy reading Interaction. Riddle: Anong hayop ang maraming asawa, maraming anak, mataba, tagilid maglakad? Sirit? Ano pa, e di ang hayop na si...."

Hush, Marianne, you're gonna get us all into trouble.

Congratulations, Milen S. de Quiros, new president of the Bank Marketing Association.

Sons of Lourdes we'll ever be. The 2000 Lourdes School-QC alumni homecoming is set for Feb. 19, Sat., at the high school grounds. For details, call George Mercado: 636-3286, 636-3308.

YOUR BODY. Researchers are using proteins called nerve-growth factors to repair damaged nerves in mice, raising hopes that the technique could be used to restore mobility in paralyzed people and ease recovery from back surgery.

OUR WORLD. A chimpanzee has shown it can remember the right sequence of five random numbers, adding more evidence that animals have basic numerical ability. Tested with numbers between "0" and "9", female chimp Ai performed as well as an average preschool child, Kyoto University researchers found. Ai proved she could put five numbers in ascending order when they were strewn across a computer screen. She can't e-mail, though.

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