Whatever happened to being a man for others?

I was just at the Ateneo de Manila campus in Katipunan last week to get a copy of my transcript. I am a proud alumna of Ateneo, where I completed my Master of Arts in Journalism as a Konrad Adenauer Fellow.

Getting inside the campus was no easy feat, as I experienced that day. In fact, I opted to park outside because, first, I didn’t have a sticker or car pass and second, the campus is notorious for not having enough parking spaces.

Instead, I took a tricycle into the campus and upon entry, I had to go through a security check – IDs, purpose, etc., etc. When I got to the registrar’s building, I had to go through the same procedure.

One complies with and even respects these annoying procedures because they are for everyone’s safety.

Inside the campus, students crossing the roads are assisted by security guards.

This is not a one-time thing. When I went to Ateneo some months back for a meeting organized by We-MOVE and the ACFJ, two organizations of which I am part, I also experienced the same level of security checks.

I thought about these experiences inside the campus when I heard about the tragedy that took the lives of two student-athletes from Ateneo – 19-year-old Rene Baterbonia and 21-year-old Divine Adili.

If only the level of strictness and paranoia in securing students extended to their activities outside the campus. I couldn’t help but feel that the tragedy could have been prevented.

Man for others

And this tragedy puts the spotlight on the esteemed institution’s core educational ideal – being a man for others.

“Only by being a man or woman for others does one become fully human,” said Fr. Pedro Arrupe SJ (1907-1991), the former Superior General of the Society of Jesus, or the Jesuits.

But I find it ironic that this respected institution has fallen short of living up to its educational and spiritual ideal in this moment of darkness, when being there for the families of the two boys as soon as tragedy struck is what should have been done.

Whatever happened to being a man for others? The family, as the mother of Rene said at a press conference, certainly did not see that in the first 12 hours after the incident.

Instead, Ateneo issued straightforward statements with no public explanation or apology. An apology should have been issued immediately, not just for the two families but for the broader community – the parents of other team members, the team members themselves, parents of Ateneo students, the community of alumni and supporters, basketball fans and many others.

Being a man for others at a time of grief meant giving the truth, even when it was difficult and painful to do so. Not only was this the right thing to do, but it was also a sign of respect for the lives lost.

It was about taking full responsibility for what happened while promising an impartial and thorough investigation because the grieving families were filled with questions about why they lost their loved ones.

It was also about being there for the bereaved families in the first 12 hours because, as grief coach Cathy Babao said in a post, grief is not only emotional; it is also logical. “Compassion means helping carry both burdens,” she said.

In short, being a man for others is showing up, especially in the darkest hours – and the families certainly did not feel that.

Coach Tab Baldwin’s apology

I listened to Coach Tab Baldwin’s message and felt his profound loss, too. If only this could have been done earlier.

Here are excerpts:

“On that fateful day when we sent the players out for a routine training run in what we thought was shallow water, up to the moment when we realized that whatever had happened, they were in dangerous water.

“And we did everything that we could as coaches, as people responsible for that situation; the players themselves did everything they could to ensure that everybody arrived back on shore safely.

“And then we realized that we hadn’t accomplished that. And in that moment, I experienced the descent into the darkest place imaginable.

“I failed as a leader. I felt I had failed as a coach. I certainly felt like I had failed as a friend to Divine and Rene.”

There is no easy way to face a tragedy. One cannot imagine the depths of the pain of the Baterbonia and Adili families. Nothing will diminish it, but truth, empathy and compassion can at least make the situation a little more bearable.

On social media, there were comparisons with how Cebu Pacific treated the families of the victims of Flight 387, which crashed in Misamis in 1998.

“I cannot forget how Lance Gokongwei faced the families and the media soon after the plane, with all 104 passengers and crew, went missing. His hands were visibly shaking while he spoke, his voice trembling. He was visibly scared... The airline assigned one airline staff member to each family to attend to the families’ needs,” wrote Mindanao-based journalist JB Deveza.

Along with the apology, may the families of the Ateneo tragedy get the truth, accountability and justice they deserve and may they find moments of grace along the way.

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Email: [email protected]. Follow her on X @eyesgonzales. Column archives at EyesWideOpen on FB.