Kim Atienza on losing daughter Emman: ‘Masakit’
Trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm
MANILA, Philippines — TV host Kim Atienza, fondly known as Kuya Kim by his viewers, opened up to multi-awarded broadcast journalist Jessica Soho about the passing of his daughter, Emman.
Soho shared a clip from Kuya Kim’s interview, which will air tonight on the show "Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho."
She began by saying that she did not want to ask questions but would simply listen to Kuya Kim’s story.
Acknowledging Soho’s empathy, Kuya Kim said it was okay.
“I’d like to think that my daughter Emman did not die in vain,” Kuya Kim said.
He shared that they knew his 19-year-old daughter was ill. Kuya Kim said his daughter had made a few attempts in the past before she passed away on October 22 in California, United States, where she was based.
The TV personality said he had been praying every day that it would not happen.
“For Emman to be safe, for Emman to be happy, for Emman to heal, yet this happened,” he said.
Kuya Kim believes that nothing is accidental and “everything is planned by the Lord.”
“I know this is not in vain. Emman did not die in vain. May dahilan at ang dahilan ay maganda. That gives me peace,” he added.
‘I’m good’
During his interview with Soho, Kuya Kim said that he was okay but acknowledged that grief comes in waves. He shared that he does not want to be alone because he feels the heaviness of his loss.
He checked social media and admitted that he is touched by how Emman inspired people, not only in the Philippines but also in the United States.
Kuya Kim said that he is the emotional one in the family, while his wife, Felicia 'Fely' Hung, is a strong person.
His son, Jose, took care of the paperwork, and his daughter, Eliana, is similarly strong like their mother.
Kuya Kim said he raised very strong kids. “Even Emman I thought was strong but I didn’t know deep inside she was also suffering. Kasi she put up a very strong font, a happy front yet she was suffering and she was in pain.”
Opening up about trauma
Kuya Kim also talked about how they kept a story about Emman being "terrorized" by a househelp when she was young a secret.
They chose to keep it private after learning about it during one of Emman’s past attempts. Emman spoke to a therapist, and psychologists diagnosed her with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
She also opened up about it in an episode of actress and content creator Toni Gonzaga’s YouTube vlog, as well as on her TikTok and during TV guest appearances.
“Open siya, e. That's why we thought that she's okay. Because despite her pain, she was reaching out. And despite her pain, nagku-kuwento siya, e. And that's a sign that you're okay. So we felt she was okay kasi ang advocacy niya, mental health. Ang advocacy niya, ‘wag made-depress. ‘Yun pala, she was suffering,” Atienza said.
The call
In the middle of the interview, Soho apologized before asking about the call.
Kuya Kim said that two days before he received a call from his wife, Fely, they had received a text from their daughter, who informed them that she had an emergency but assured them there was "no self-harm." She said she needed to go to the therapy center.
They tried calling her, but Emman did not answer their calls or texts. Kim was in the Philippines while his wife was in Florida for a pickleball championship.
On the second day of waiting, Kuya Kim received a text from his wife, telling him that she had "terrible news."
“I knew already. Napaluhod ako, nanlambot ang tuhod ko. Sabi ko, 'Lord, eto na.' So I called Fely, and Fely said, 'Emman's gone.' Nanlambot ako, nanlamig ako. And ang nasa utak ko, 'Lord, dasal ko sa yo 'to araw-araw. Why?'" Kuha Kim said.
His wife flew to Los Angeles, and he followed two days later.
‘A little kindness’
Emman’s loss was painful, but Kuya Kim is deeply moved by the lives she touched and inspired.
"I can see that it's moving a lot of people, not only in the Philippines but worldwide. Alam mo ba yung anak ko, si Emman is, was in New York Times. She was in 'TMZ,' 'Entertainment Tonight'... And painfully I was reading all the comments. And all the... the articles. But what's good about her being written about was they wrote about what happened and they also wrote about what she stood for, which is a little kindness. Kumalat yun, e. 'A little kindness, a little kindness,’” Kuya Kim said.
Towards the end of the short clip, Kuya Kim shared his most personal thoughts about his daughter’s passing.
"Parang, 'Lord, kahit bigyan mo akong lung cancer, okay, e.' Titiisin ko ‘yun, e. Madali ang ano, e... madali ang physical pain. Pero ‘yung mawalan ng anak... masakit. Hindi mo alam saan galing ‘yung sakit, masakit lang. Sakit sa lahat,” he said.
RELATED: Emman Atienza, daughter of Kuya Kim, passes away at 19
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If you or someone you know needs help, the National Center for Mental Health Crisis Hotline can be reached through the following hotlines: toll-free Luzon-wide landline (1553), Globe/TM (0966-351-4518 and 0917-899-8727), or Smart/Sun/TNT (0908-639-2672).
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