Marriage and Marian

MANILA, Philippines - I have two “daughters” who are getting married soon. One is Marian Rivera and the other is a private person named Gay.

While both are smart and are at the right age to marry, I cannot help but worry about imagined problems that they might go through with their husbands.

I found out that my father was right when he said, “No matter how long have you been engaged, it will still become different when the two of you are living in one roof.”

The stories that we hear about petty quarrels on toothpaste caps, toilet seats or soiled clothes left on the floor are true. It happened to me, too. 

Since I am an only child, I am used to having all the space to myself; but when I got married, naturally I had to share the bed with my husband, I had to wait when he went first to the bathroom and I had to bear the sound of the television because that was what made him fall asleep. I am used to that now. No complaints. We both carried through.

Marian will be Mrs. Dingdong Dantes effective Dec. 30

These may seem to be simple adjustments in the early part of a couple’s life but they can get complicated if mishandled. 

I believe that the imperfections of your partner should be “perfect” for you. Perfect in the sense that you can bear, accept and withstand his/her peculiarities. Since it is true that nobody is perfect, it is best to know what you can endure.

As you go on living as a couple, two minds are now working together on making decisions and plans. Remember, these two minds are not the same. There should be a give and take and I mean a balanced one! No one should be giving/taking too much or too little. Each one of you has your own strengths and weaknesses in character, personality, intelligence, emotion and even in finance. You have to use your strengths to keep a healthy symmetry.

Living together without other family members is ideal, especially in the beginning when the both of you are still discovering more about each other and learning how to adjust or cope on your differences. Two different minds can already be complicated so three can be chaotic. When both have built a strong unity and have achieved a clear understanding of each other, you can now deal better with the other members of the family. No matter how nice or well meaning they are, they are still counted as different minds. No other mind should disunite you and your partner. Stay solid.

Marriage is like an adventure, you won’t know what you will be going through as a couple despite the plans that you have made. It is just nice to have someone beside you in the best and worst situations of your life. Be the best partners at all times.

Marriage is also like a college course where you go through lessons, tests, successes and failures. May you both pass with honors.

As a couple, you should not forget that you and your partner are still individuals who need space from time to time, who have different hobbies or sports to focus on, and who have particular rhythms in growing up that should be respected.

Believe in the same values and in the same God. Only through God and through both your determination to have a good marriage will keep you strong from beginning to end.

To Marian, as your nanay in show business... and to Gay, as your second mom...

I shall be here watching, waiting and wishing well for the unfolding of your married lives.