All I want to do is grow old with you

Contrary to what most of us may think, June is not the peak season for weddings but December. At least in the Philippines. It is impractical to get married in June because it falls smack at the start of the rainy season. I’m speaking from experience. 

The day before my wedding five years ago, it rained. But I was deadset on enjoying our wedding day come rain or shine. So, when the person in charge of our AVP called to ask what music to use, the song Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka was the first thing that entered my mind. 

It did rain on our wedding day, but it stopped. I might have been prepared psychologically about being soaked, but pity our guests if that happened, most especially our ninongs and ninangs in their Filipiniana. You see, we had our reception at Sonia’s Garden which was not fully covered.

Like most couples, our wedding day was our perfect day. But as they say, it’s simply the beginning of married life. Ninang Cheche Lazaro was the first person to put our idea of marriage in perspective. I really admire how in love Ninang Cheche and Ninong Del are with each other. “Some marriages are made in heaven, but other marriages you have to work hard at,” she told me. I’d like to think that ours is made in heaven because we believe that God’s hand put Orange and I together, but the quality of togetherness is a conscious effort by couples. 

When we were newly-married, there were brief moments when I was less sweet or less thoughtful towards him. My husband pointed out to me, “Indy, we’re just on our first year, can you imagine how we would be when we grow old?”

I don’t know of anyone who got married that never dreamt of growing old with the person they vowed to “forever love and honor, till death do we part” at the altar. We all want happy endings. But happy endings, like basketball championships, don’t just happen. Like what Lebron James said in an interview, every possession matters to win. (Guys, get it?). Every moment matters, and we should never take things for granted.

How do some lolos and lolas remain sweet even in their old age?

On ANC’s Top Story, there was a report about an old couple celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary. Granny said that even in their old age, she still wanted to do things for her husband. Lola still wants to score a point in Lolo’s heart.

Manila Archbishop Cardinal Chito Tagle, who was then the Bishop of Imus when he officiated our wedding told us in his sermon, “As long as you want to be the best for each other, then you’re OK.”

Our Ninang Baby Alarcon shared their secret to their happy marriage: Respect. I thought she’d say “love.” Don’t we always hear that in songs?  “All we need is love” or “What the world needs now, is love sweet love” or “Love is all that matters faithful and forever, keeping us together love is all we need.” Ideally, we want our love to be unconditional, but it’s so much easier said than done. What I learned about marriage is that respect strengthens the bond between husband and wife because it dictates how we treat each other.

Treat each other with respect.

You listen to a person you respect.

Listening is vital in marriage.

Before I used to keep mum on my feelings because I wanted to avoid conflict. But if you don’t talk, or worse, if you don’t listen, you won’t be able to sort things out. Our Ninang Selwyn Crisostomo told us to never  go to sleep without settling an argument. This seems to be a common advice of all successful marriages. More important than having the last say in an argument is listening to what your partner has to say, without prejudice and judgment. Listen.

In listening, we grow to understand each other’s differences, and couples adjust towards oneness.

Now, five years after our exchange of “I do’s,” if you ask us if marriage is how we expected it to be, I have to say, it’s even better. However, we still continue to work hard and pray for God’s grace because we can never do it alone.

We share our joy with our family, our godparents and our friends, who were with us on our wedding day on June 12, 2008. Thank you for being part of our lives.   

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Happy fifth anniversary my asawa Orange! I love youuuuuuu… and you love me, too!

(E-mail me at [email protected].)