Santa Claus bares all

MANILA, Philippines - In conjunction with the Philippine screening of Columbia Pictures’ 3D family adventure Arthur Christmas, beloved holiday figure Santa Claus has agreed to sit down for a one-one-one interview. Excerpts below:

How long have you been Santa Claus?

“This will be my 70th mission! Dear me! How the years fly by!”

Will you carry on for many more Christmases?

“Well of course! I’m Santa! It’s the most wonderful job in the world and I thrive on it, yes indeed! It is a little exhausting these days what with so many children and presents and countries and cities and buildings and…what not... but...uuuh...’scuse me yawning... I love it!

So no plans to hand over to your son Steve some day soon? I believe most Santas in the past have handed over after 70 years?

“You mean, retire? Oh. What would I do all day?! And Steve’s, well, he’s splendid, you know, fiendishly clever, so many er… notions about technology and modernizing, and all that, he’s kept us bang up to date! Wonderful, never ceases to amaze me with his marvels! As he tells me, his ambition is to be ‘the most successful Santa ever’ — and I’m sure he will be. Um… one day.”

Tell us about your other son, Arthur?

“Arthur! Dear, dear boy. So keen you know, with all his...er...sweaters! And those slippers! Goodness! Such a... fan of Christmas. But it has been rather a puzzle finding the right niche for him at the Pole... We had him in catering but he plugged in too many Christmas decorations and fused the cookers — it was fish paste sandwiches for weeks! Then we tried him in maintenance, until that unfortunate business when he melted the elf barracks. And there was that spell in security of course, till he locked himself out of Exit 19 in his pajamas and had to be rescued by Polar Explorers. But he seems happy in the Mail Department thank goodness, so let’s hope that’s the Johnny.”

Is Arthur doing well in the Mail Department?

“Well, um... he only manages to write 20 letters a week instead of the 700 the elf agents manage, he goes into such detail in his replies to the children. But he likes it, that’s the main thing.

What’s your favorite time of year?

”Apart from Christmas, of course, I rather like Easter. So nice to have a holiday period I’m not responsible for! Plus I’m a secret chocaholic. All Santas are, runs in the family. I ‘spose that’s how we end up a little, um, well-padded in the midrift!”

What’s your favorite color?

“Red. Oh... and white. Red-and-white. Can one have that as a color? This is tricky!”

What’s your favorite food?

“That’s easier — chocolate! Oh dear... or perhaps I should say my dear wife Margaret’s soup. She’s a marvel you know! Give her a stock cube, a carrot and a spring of parsley and she’ll whisk you up a liquid miracle before you can name the eight reindeer! So warming, a good soup.”

What’s your favorite weather?

“Snow. Always. That’s why I love having my home here at the North Pole. As I always say, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!”