CARESS can make marriage in tinseltown successful

MANILA, Philippines - Fernando Poe Jr. and Susan Roces. Rudy Fernandez and Lorna Tolentino. Pete Roa and Boots Anson.

Once upon a recent time, they exemplified the “model couples” in the entertainment world.

But it was not long ago when the passing on of “Da King,” “Daboy,” and Pete put asunder the couples’ exemplary and happy marriages.

But to their credit, Susan, Lorna and Boots moved on — facing the trials and tribulations of losing a loved one with fortitude, grace and inner strength. And the more the Filipino people — unabashedly including this writer — adored and loved them more.

Susan has again been gracing the silver and television screens as a real professional - on top of bravely facing the revived issue of her husband being cheated in the 2004 Presidential elections as some people have emerged to attest to the electoral frauds that waylaid FPJ’s dash for the presidency.

Lorna is again active in TV teleserye and movies after Daboy’s demise. In addition, as a mother, she has shepherded well her two sons — Rap–Rap and Renz — who have traced the path to tinseltown, following in their parents’ footsteps.

Boots has remained an icon in the entertainment world — particularly in teleserye and other roles.

Except for Boots, we have not had the opportunity to meet Susan and Lorna in person. But, of course, we have seen Susan’s movies in her younger years until she was eventually acknowledged as the “Queen of Philippine Cinema.” And later on, Lorna T’s, too.

We first saw Boots in person when she was a student in the 1960s at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City (we were then a student there, too). She had been corps sponsor of the ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps).

Pete Roa and Boots Anson

What a lovely, angelic face — and what poise. She did not walk on campus; she glided and, with her regal presence mesmerized not a few. For did not The STAR movie columnist Butch Francisco once liken her to a saint?

Now, the “model couples” in tinseltown are but memories. And we could hardly see an ideal pair in moviedom anymore.

But wait, there’s the Revilla (Senator Bong and Rep. Lani) couple.

A few months back, the actor/actress politicians celebrated their silver wedding anniversary. And it is not common for the Filipino people to see the marriages of denizens in the silver, screen to last that long.

Many change their clothes (oops! — their husbands or wives) at the wink of an eye or, to be more curt, as a more macho or handsome guy or a more beautiful and well-endowed girl comes along.

Are there other exemplary movie couples out there?

Marriages among people in the entertainment world that have withstood the harsh exigencies in the profession are success stories in themselves.

The pressures, intrigues (particularly), and demands in the make-believe milieu are so much that weathering them takes the best of one’s character and positive attitude.

That romantic affairs — whether as lovers or as husband and wife — in moviedom are ephemeral seems to be the rule rather than the exception.

Rudy Fernandez and Lorna Tolentino

For instance, how many actors and actresses have parted ways and found bliss and ecstacy in the arms of someone new?

But the examples of the FPJ-Susan, Daboy-Lorna T, and Pete-Boots marriages exemplify the “till death do us part” relationship and attest that there is a “magic formula” for a lasting togetherness of silver screen people.

Boots, herself, calls that formula CARESS — which stands for Commitment, Acceptance, Respect, Effort, Sense of Humor and Sex.

How time flies, indeed, and very fast at that. To our recollection, it has been about three decades ago when Boots expounded on CARESS at a forum wherein she was invited as speaker by women scientists and researchers of the University of the Philippines’ Los Baños campus.

“When there is love, there is Commitment,” the multi-awarded actress asserted in that lecture of long ago. She added: “A half-hearted (50-50 percent) commitment debases marriage.”

Focusing on Acceptance, she conceded: It is not uncommon for a couple to have differences and misunderstandings.

“Fight ensues when one asserts,” she said. “A good couple discusses. They meet at the proper time.”

In essence, it is useless to argue when both are angry.

Tackling Respect, Boots quipped: “Live and let live.” Respect an individual, whether she is a professor, a housewife, or a laundry woman.

Her advice: “Respect one’s privacy. Marriage is not a license to open the husband’s wallet, letters, etc.” With due apologies to Boots, may we add: “Marriage is not a license to tinker with the husband’s cellphone.”

Exert Effort to make a marriage work day in and day out, she said, “It takes a lot to make a marriage work.”

On Sense of Humor: “A genuine sense of humor is being able to laugh when the joke is on us. Rise above the turmoil. Don’t allow problems to swallow you. Look at the brighter side of things. Be able to laugh when you are the butt of jokes.”

On the last factor, Boots asserted: “Sex is a form of communication. It will enhance the relationship. Put art to it.”

Is the formula CARESS hard to follow?

Looks like, but aim for it as the rewards are more than enough to enable couples, particularly those in tinseltown, to live happily ever after.