My own grown-up Christmas list

Do you remember me?

I sat upon your knee

I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well, I’m all grown-up now

Can you still help somehow?

I’m not a child, but my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish

My grown-up Christmas list

Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hurts

Every man would have a friend

That right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?

Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hurts

Every man would have a friend

That right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list

This is my only lifelong wish

This is my grown-up Christmas list

— Michael Buble

Like Bublé, I, too, have my own grown-up Christmas list. Only four days before Christmas Day, so better late than never.

Here they are:

•John Lloyd Cruz: Balls. Christmas Balls. Basketballs. Volleyballs. Baseballs. Billiards. A, basta, balls!

•Shaina Magdayao: A key to unlock the truth about her and John Lloyd.

•Ruffa Gutierrez: Lord, please give her a (true and loyal) lover!

•Dr. Vicki Belo: A pair of wearable magnifying glasses so she can better see reality.

•Dr. Hayden Kho: A videocam that works in reverse, with a hidden stun gun that will fire everytime he shoots “illegally” (read: without the consent and/or knowledge of whoever his partner is).

•Katrina Halili: Divine justice — soon (read: in our lifetime).

•Maricar Reyes: A word of support for Katrina Halili.

•Sharon Cuneta: A “cooler” that will stop her from losing her temper in public.

•Kris Aquino: Lord, send someone to love her!

•James Yap: A “50/50” settlement with Kris.

•Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago: A private, sound-proof room where they can have a heart-to-heart, no-holds-barred talk.

•Gretchen Barretto: A boxful of local products (accessories, etc.) calculated to “domesticate” her and make her appreciate our very own.

•Willie Revillame: Let him give more hope — and money, money, money!!! — to the masa.

•Cristine Reyes: A little Rayver Cruz lookalike doll that she can keep in her bag so no other girl can touch him.

•Rayver Cruz: A girl who will not “henpeck” him.

•Sarah Geronimo (below, left): About time she experienced how it is to be in love (after all, she’s turning 23).

•Korina Sanchez (right): A fertility pill.

•Rufa Mae Quinto (left): Another “secret lover” whose name also starts with the letter “M.”

What’s up?

•Now I know why they say that Alan Pineda (a.k.a. apl.de.ap) of Black Eyed Peas is still a Filipino at heart. He was scheduled to meet the press yesterday at Shangri-La Makati. Call time was 3 p.m. and she showed up at 4:50, one hour and 50 minutes late. Talagang Filipino time.

•Could it be true that Dong Puno is secretly negotiating with TV5 execs for a possible slot in the network’s News and Public Affairs Department?

•Ruffa Gutierrez and her twin brothers Raymond and Richard are replacing Ai-Ai delas Alas and Kris Aquino as hosts of the 2010 Metro Filmfest Gabi ng Parangal on Sunday, Dec. 26. But Ai-Ai and Kris will still act as presenters.

•Oops! The Oscar Best Picture winner last year was not James Cameron’s Avatar, as wrongly mentioned by Funfare, but The Hurt Locker, producer Kathryn Bigelow, Cameron’s ex-wife….Also, Joel Lamangan won Best Director (for Dukot) in the recent FAMAS and not “Best Actor” as mentioned in a caption in yesterday’s Funfare.

•Could it be true that Bea Alonzo and Zanjoe Marudo are getting “closer” and “closer”? Won’t Gerald Anderson, rumored to be Bea’s current squeeze, get jealous? What about in the case of Zanjoe, who will get jealous?

•Congratulations to Dr. Gary Sy who got four awards from the 30th Annual Year-Ender, People’s Choice headed by Rosario F. Reyes — 2010 Seal of Excellence as 1) Best Radio Health Adviser, 2) Outstanding Geriatric Medicine Practitioner, 3) Dangal ng Bayan Award – Humanitarian Service Award for the Elderly, and 4) Life Extension Medical Center (Best Geriatric Center).

•Drop Mark, drop Mark, drop Mark! That’s the chant of Lolit Solis’ well-meaning friends to, that’s it, drop Mark Herras from her stable of talents now that Mark has become, according to Lolit herself, “a monster” who arrives late on the set and for appointments. Lolit should bid Mark good riddance along with the bad vibes of the passing year.   

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