'WWW that con... dom!'

SYDNEY/MELBOURNE — Nope, this article is no longer about that controversial f _ _ _ing sheath (that’s “filling”) used down below. Enough. And no, kangaroos don’t symbolize condoms just because they have pouches and they are found down under. Ngek! Oh yes, this Joey is once again with the joeys down here in Australia. GMA 7’s Mel & Joey team is here to shoot some episodes for our sixth anniversary. In a few days, we will also be flying to Auckland and Wellington in New Zealand. Rite-mite, it’s an OZ-some trip... with as-kiwizzz of kiwi!

REMIND: That I thought of a TV show about the baby kangaroos here in Australia. Its title: Melbourne & Joey. Erase?

REWIND: In our show’s first anniversary, we did a feature of San Francisco. Nobody explained to me why, but it turned out to be a golden gate for the next yearly trips. Year number two found us in Tokyo and Osaka in Japan. On our third year, to show daw our love for our country and to keep away from talks that masyado na kaming masaya at nananamantala lang ng biyahe, we made Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao our three stars for the three-week presentations. In 2008, we traveled to four Asian destinations — Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore and Malaysia. And last year on our fifth anniversary, we had France, Belgium, Spain, Switzerland and Italy. Very good...pero nakakapagod. So this year, before we get “swallowed” daw and be trapped by our customary action to feature places and destinations to match the show’s number of years (and the episodes too), we decided to go easy starting 2010. Mahirap na daw ang mapasubo. That is why, for this year’s anniversary, we are only going down under (Sydney and Melbourne), then go east to its Kiwi neighbor.

Actually, for me it’s cool bukol lang. No prob my love. Kumbaga sa poker at center, call lang nang call. Aprub and okey lang for me the original celebration pattern of going to places as many as the show’s number of years. I remember pa nga that early this year, when this trip was in its planning stage, most of the staff and officers were having worries already as to the growing load of work as the years add up. I even reminded them “not to dismount on the count.” Viaje kung viaje. Kesehodang 15th Anniversary pa ‘yan! Eh di labinlimang lugar ang puntahan at labinlimang linggo din i-feature! But I recall too that before that meeting ended, I made pahabol and suggested that for our next year’s anniversary number seven, we just visit seven shopping malls in Hong Kong! Ngek!

* * *

Kakanin ko yata sinabi ko kanina

Na usaping-condom susuputan ko muna,

Sapagkat hindi ko mapigilang mapuna —

Patuloy pa kasi kanyang kontrobersiya.

‘Di makatkat sa isip ang kanyang hitsura

Lalo na’t pagkagamit matapos ang gera,

Hindi ba’t nakakatawa naman talaga

Ang porma po ni totoy na parang tempura?

Para bang “knight in shining armour” noong una,

Diretso’t plantsado sa laban ay papunta

Matapos ang minadaling pakikibaka,

Ang dating muscle shirt nagmukha nang pajama!

At sino d’yang mayabang ang mangangampanya

Na kapag supotado ay nagbababad ka?

Pakiramdam naman talaga’y walang kwenta,

Makaraos ka lang ng may pekeng kunsensya.

Kaya huwad din ang iyong pagoma-goma

Dahil sa totoo lang ay naiinis ka;

Naaasar kang hindi sagad ang ligaya,

Wala namang magawa’t takot maging ama.

Iba yung natural kaya nga magtiis ka,

Abang na lang ng tamang singit pag may pula,

Kapalit ng supot simulang maghanap na,

Matuto munang humila pansamantala.

Palagay ko tindig ko ngayo’y malinaw na —

I say, “that rubber can hit the road na kumbaga!”

At ‘yung gamit n’ya para daw ‘di magka-ket-sa,

Eh di magaling at wala nang prostituta.

At bukod sa pangit s’yang dala sa pitaka,

Baka pagbayad mo mapagkamalang barya,

At saka ‘yang condom may isa pang problema —

Sa mga tubigan malamang makabara.

Sa kasaysayan ng Pinas ay talo ka na,

Pag may suklob sa Pinoy laging kontrabida,

May bayong sa ulo galit tayo nung gera,

Magnanakaw sa bangko may medyas din ‘di ba?

O papa’no goodbye muna tali – banana,

Pasens’ya ka na re-pa at hindi ko kaya

Irolyo kang palatag o pahubad ‘wag na,

Mas magrorolyo pa ako ng marijuana.

At malabo kasi na tayo’y magkasama,

Kapuso’t Kapatid ako’t ‘di Kasemilya!

Isang tanong na lang kung sasagutin mo pa,

Ang lalaking supot ba ay nagsusupot pa?

* * *

I know, I know — you are wondering what those W’s in this article’s title stand for. Well, if you are sirit, I’ll share it (by the way, I believe that the word “sirit” originated from “share it”). S’yempre, as usual, narinig na naman ng mga bingi nating ninuno sa mga naunang Kano at iba ang dinig nila. Hindi ba, if you don’t want to think and guess anymore, you’ll just give up and just ask the person you are talking to to just “share it”?

Those W’s stand for Wear Without Wash! Ayos?

Actually, it sounds yucky to connect these letters to a condom. Share it? Double use? Ngek!