'Major-majority rules'

BREAKING NEWS (in a major way): Our very own and very gay “bonggang-bongga” (to the max or very max) is now recognized worldwide through the courtesy of Miss Maria Venus Raj. It has been translated and accepted to mean “major-major.”

It was immediately declared official by the 2010 Miss Universe fourth runner-up winner’s closet, este, closest friends  the Beauticians And Young Artistic Gays (B.A.Y.??) who are avid followers and supporters of the pageant and the new Pinay world beauty queen.

Due to their constant use, in whatever form of communication, a great deal of words and terms from the Pinoy gay lingo library is fast becoming popular globally. Next to watch out after “major-major” is “like that, like that?” That’s for “meganon?”

Ngek, ngek!

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(Narito ang ilan sa mga bonggang-bonggang bagay na bonggang-bonggang gawin ngayon/Here are some major-major things that are major-major to do today:)

It’s now a major-major thing to have your picture taken in a “scene of the crime”  for example, beside a bullet-riddled and demolished tourist bus where a gruesome bloodbath took place during a hostage-taking situation. Don’t forget to have a wacky pose group shot.

Isang major-major na... ngek!

It’s bonggang-bongga also for the broadcast media to deliver a blow-by-blow account, police movements and all, of a hostage-taking while the hostage-taker listens and watches inside the seized tourist bus.

Bonggang-bongga o wronggang-wrongga?

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Mainit pang pinag-uusapan sa ngayon

Ang kay Venus Raj sa naitanong na question

Nang nakaraang Miss Universe coronation,

Buong mundo’t Pinas ibat-iba reaksyon.

Katanungan kasi’y mahirap ding sagutin,

Pag-iisipin ka rin ng judge na si Baldwin,

“What is your biggest mistake in your life” pa mandin,

Sino ba’ng sa national TV ang aamin?

Pinaka-easy gawin sa ganyang situation;

At pinaka-safe na answer sa ganyang question

Ay sagutin mo ng, “Wala!” wala lang, ganon,

Kaya naman ayun  no answer, no prize, no crown.

May pahabol pa, “and what did you do to fix it?”

Para bang sinabing, “Magdusa ka!” ang lupit,

Biro mo kung inamin mong meron kang kabit,

Ngunit tinapos mo na dahil s’yay may anghit!

Hindi ba ang pangit? Maiyak kaya sila?

Dahil ba d’yay ibibigay nila korona?

Minsan hindi dapat ang kwento ay sosobra,

Baka dahil d’yay matanggal pa sa pang-lima.

Maganda ring ibato ‘yang tanong na iyan

Sa ilang tao ngayong pinag-uusapan,

Kanilang mga sagot ay ating pakinggan,

Walang mapipikon, ito’y gawa-gawa lang.

Ang sagot ni Tiger Woods sa katanungang ‘yan

“My mistake ay sana pangala’y pinalitan,

Imbes na Tiger Woods ay Thai Girl Woods na lamang

Nang ‘di masyadong buking aking kalandian.”

“And that is why ako ay nakipag-diborsyo,

So there will be more golf and more holes malaro ko,

Medyo lumabas nga lang kwarta ko sa bangko,

Dumami naman papasukin ko na kwarto.”

At katulad din nung sinasabi ng iba

Pag may nawala, meron ka ring makukuha;

Mawala man eba n’yang dating isang yaya,

Mayayaya naman n’ya ngayo’y iba-iba.

Ang sagot ng TV host ng Wowowee dati,

“My major-major mistake  I got very angry,

Kaya nga ngayon I learned my lesson already,

Sayang, sana’y co-host ako ni Pokie.”

“Teka, bakit ako ay nandito at s’yay nandyan?

Pokie nang- henyo! Parang ako’y naisahan,

Doble pa nga ang bawal sa kanyang pangalan

‘Di ba bawal ang Pok-pok at bawal ang Wang-wang?”