'Of Chips, Kris & Cheese'

While I was in Macau about a month ago, I read in The Sunday Morning Post that casino mogul Stanley Ho is eyeing and dying to place some of his chips in the business of ... (O, ‘wag kayong mabibigla; kalamayin n’yo ang loob n’yo) ...dying! Ngek!

Yes, he is now playing and betting on the private funeral business tables. Wow! From casino to caskets? From chips to stiffs? From cash to ash? Ngek!

This new venture offers “upscale” niches for burial urns. As a matter of fact, construction of the five-floor columbarium is under way on the reclaimed area in an old industrial district in Northern Taipa. Nayyy, Taipa? Parang Tay-Pa. Patay!

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It is not true that our new president is dropping his mother’s family name because there is a “juang-juang” sound to it.

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While other relationships are like wine — they taste better daw the longer they last, the others are like some men’s liquor — katulad nung kay James at Kris — Five Years Old!

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Other TV shows are also in that liquor age category — like Wowowee. It has been axed. In short, www.period.slashed.

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From President Noynoy’s slumbook:

P-Noy — Coke

First Lady — Zero

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From Kris Aquino’s slumbook:

Nickname: Kikay (actually KCAY — for Kris Cojuangco Aquino Yap) Tetay na lang daw muna ngayon .

Favorite Expression: (Before) “Now na!”

(Present) “James? No na!”

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Overheard from Kris daw: “How can I forget James, my ex-basketball player husband, if I have a sister named Ballsy?”

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NAIA, we have a problem.

Before: “Fly now, pay later.”

Today: “Raise pay now, fly later.”

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Bongbong: “Marcos pa rin.”

Noynoy: “Ako rin.”

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Why do you think those cheesy statements are also taken as pambobola? Precisely, because it came from queso de bola. True. Hindi ko kayo binobola.

Cheese is the most common garnishing on anything to make it more tasty and presentable; pamborloloy, pandekorasyon at pampa-yummy. Correct? So if you put palabok in what you say, it is believed that you put so much cheese in it. Hence, cheesy.

Bola definitely came from queso de bola. Aside from quesong puti, queso de bola is the most widely known cheese for us Pinoys. And tonight again in Mel & Joey, we are featuring these cheesy lines in our Sieteng-Siete portion — but this time, eto ‘yung mga medyo mabantot na. Tsipipay na tsipipay talaga! Here’s a sampler:

1. “Sana buntis ka, kasi gusto kong maging ama ng magiging anak mo eh.”

2. “May putok ka ba? Kasi kahit malayo ako ang lakas ng dating mo sa akin eh.”

3. “Maraming taong nagugutom ... bakit hindi tayo pakasal para may reception?”

4. “Siguro magnanakaw ka ‘no? Kasi kagabi pinasok mo na naman ang isip ko eh.”

5. “Halika magmurahan tayo... hanggang masabi mong ako ang gusto ng INA MO para sa ‘yo.”

6. “Arsonist ka ba? Kasi you light up my life eh.”

7. “Sana kunin ka na ni Lord para mapatunayan ko sa iyo na ikaw talaga ang anghel ng buhay ko.”