'NEW'ng LAHAT!'

Let me start by spreading the news from my youngest son, Jio, who is in New York. If you are leaving today or anytime soon for the Big Apple and want to have a part and fresh bite of it; and if you are that person who wants only the latest and you have NEW-monia, then this is for you — from NYU. Yes, “Tanging NYU, NEW’ng Lahat!”

“As vacation season approaches in the Philippines, there might be a lot of you planning to go to New York City this coming Holy Week or during the summer, so let me be the one to tell you what you can expect when you arrive here in New York.

At the moment, I am taking up Film Studies in New York University. For the past couple of weeks, my dad has asked me to go around and search for the new things going on around the Big Apple. Here’s a quick rundown of what I discovered. A new Broadway show about the web-slinging superhero Spider-man is set to open later this year. Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is currently still in production under The Lion King’s director Julie Taymor, while the songs were written by rock band U2’s lead singer Bono. Spider-Man is just one of the many new Broadway shows opening this year, including a musical version of the cartoon The Addams Family and a sequel to Phantom of the Opera called Love Never Dies. Aside from Broadway shows, a limited-time only exhibit of director Tim Burton’s drawings and storyboards are on display at the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) until mid-April. Burton directed Oscar-nominated films such as Edward Scissorhands, the 1989 Batman film, and the upcoming remake of Alice in Wonderland. Para sa mga may sweet tooth d’yan parang ako, the very famous Dessert Truck, a truck that drives around New York City that sells different kinds of sweets, has opened a restaurant in the Lower East Side which is worth checking out — but buying cakes from a truck is still the preferable thing to do. Also in the lower area of Manhattan is the Ground Zero Museum Workshop which is a very small but largely-inspiring museum that houses artifacts found during the rescue mission after the 9/11 attacks. My mom and I went to it last year and it is a wonderful museum. It is a great place to visit before coming to the Memorial being built around the area that will open on the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Finally, for sports fans out there, specifically tennis fans, after the end of the Australian Open, champion Serena Williams and her sister Venus are going to be playing at Madison Square Garden against Belgium’s Kim Clijsters and Russia’s Svetlana Kuznetsova in March.

That’s just a few of the many new things that are going on around the city. If you ever do come here, enjoy yourselves because there’s so much to do and there’s always something new in New York!” — Jio de Leon.

Oh yes, I’m also sending my son to school in New York to send me back these few touristic bits. Mayaman kami. Hindi kami katulad ng ibang pulitiko na MAHIRAP lang. Ang hindi lang namin kaya — ‘yung magbayad ng P250,000 per political advertisement and spot on television.

* * *

Now, let’s go from New York to New Year — from the Big Apple to Ponkan. Of course, I’m talking about the Chinese New Year next week — the Year of the Golfer Tiger, este Golden Tiger pala. Wala lang, I just would like to share one of my favorite Chinese gags seen in one of my movies — I think it was Elvis & James. The scene was about my character meeting a pretty and sexy Filipina-Chinese or Chinay. I only got the first name of the girl. At dahil maangas ako, and to make a good impression, I bragged that I have ESP and I could give her exact family name. Here’s the rest of the scene —

ELVIS : “Your family name is … UY?”

GIRL:     “No.”

ELVIS:   “TAN?”

GIRL:     “Nope.”

ELVIS:   “TENG!”

GIRL:     “Hindi.”

ELVIS:   “CO?”

GIRL:     “Mali pa rin.”

ELVIS:   “O, sige, sirit na ‘ko! Ano?”

GIRL:     “UYTANTENGCO.”

ELVIS:   “Ngek!”

* * *

New show: TAPE, Inc. and GMA 7 are coming up with a new morning show starting tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. — DIZ IZ IT!

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Nasubukan n’yo na ba ang mag-pintura?

Nasubukan n’yo na ba ang pagpipinta?

Hindi ng sasakyan, ng bakod o casa,

Kung hindi makuha, isa kang basura.

At kung isipan na natin ay iisa,

Ang tanong ngayon at kung nasubok mo na:

Nasubukan mo na ba ang mag-pintura

At gawing kamataya’y nakakatawa?

Ngek! O, hindi ba kakaiba ang tema?

Tipong “The Fear Of Death Is Dead” at dedbol na,

Sa paraan ng painting at iskultura

Ay makikita sa iba’t-ibang obra.

At bakit naman hindi ito ay uubra?

Mga eksenang — patay nga sa pelikula —

Eh mga ito nga lubhang nakakatawa,

Ba’t ‘di subukan sa sining para maiba.

At kaya kung handa ka na ay manood ka,

Ang art exhibit na ito ay malapit na,

Sa column ko ngayon ay sasampolan kita,

Sana’y maaliw ka kapag iyong nakuha.

Si kaibigang Igan D’ Bayan kung baga

Bumuhay sa walang kamatayang ideya

Kasama Ka-Tropang Taga Ibang Planeta —-

“The Death Of Death (Is Alive And Kicking)” —ayun na!

Nguni’t ang karaniwang tao bakit nga ba

Pagdating sa kamatayan ay naiilang s’ya?

Kung tutuusin naman araw-araw din n’ya

Nararanasan at sinasambit pa nila.

Patayin ang tubig; patayin ang TV pa,

At sa pagpatay-ilaw may nakakatawa

Lalo sa ilang matagal nang mag-asawa —

Patayin man ilaw, patay din ang sandata.

Kaya sa patay man ay may nakakatawa,

At ito’y imumwestra ng aming barkada,

Mas mabuti na ito kaysa pulitika

At ilan sa kanila ay puro basura.

The show will open on March 19 at the SM Megamall Art Center.