I Write And Wrong (Re-Bastered Beatles 3)
Yeah, yeah, yeah — for the very first time, this column came out on a Monday (Nov. 9) instead of its regular Sunday exposure. Okey lang. Let me just add a letter “F” to one of those commonly repeated statements — and before you get me wrong, it’s “Shift Happens.”
Actually, no problem with me — I was born on a Monday. And these two days — Monday and Sunday — are the love team of the week... forever. They are the day and night sweethearts and partners — the Sun and the Moon. Hence, Sun-day and Moon-day. Sounds cheesy?
Sayang lang kasi, you missed my invitation to watch Mel & Joey that evening to kick over our five-European country specials to celebrate our five years in television. Last Sunday was our feature on Paris. Anyway, we still thank you because, nevertheless, that episode got the highest rating for that day for all the networks. Merci.
Tonight, it’s going to be Belgium. Next Sunday, we switch to Switzerland and to be followed by Spain and Italy. 
In my last two articles, I’ve been giving you my “re-bastered” Beatles or my Tough Hits versions to salute EMI’s release of the newly re-mastered Beatles albums this year. By the way, it is my honor to announce with pride that I am the only one who write and wrong all these re-bastered Beatles. But I believe that humor is bigger and better than honor — and I’m serious with that. Akala n’yo nagbibiro ako ‘no?
Let me explain — humor is welcomed, embraced and yes, honored in both ends and all sides of the universe. The honor great men like Napoleon, Hirohito and Magellan gave their people was ignored by their enemies. But all are now laughing together.
Incidentally, here’s something most of you don’t know — Iskul Bukol honors Adolf Hitler. Why? He was an honorary member of Wanbol (One-Ball) University. Maghanap na lang kayo ng mapagtatanungan at magpapaliwanag sa inyo.
Okey, if you are still bitin sa re-bastered Beatles, here’s more. Again, my apologies.
(To the tune of Let It Be)
When they find themselves in times of trouble
These people don’t come to me
“Is faking works at discdom”
DVD.
And in corners of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Showing me a list of
DVD.
(Refrain)
DVD, DVD,
DVD, good copy
Whisper only softly
There might be
OMB.
* * *
(To the tune of P.S. I Love You)
I just have two letters
Saksak mo sa ‘yo
You gave me nga your “OO”
But what else did you do?
You gave me two letters more sa ulo
Nilagyan mo ng “U-U”
B.S. I’ll kill you
You U-U ulo.
Tiniis ko nga ang iyong B.O.
But still niloko mo ‘ko
B.S. I’ll kill you.
P.I. mo – mo – mo.
* * *
(To the tune of
You Won’t See Me)
When I hold your ass
Something has changed
Iba na ang touch
Maybe the age.
They’re no longer firm
I hope that you don’t mind
‘Pag ass mo ay na-grind
‘Sanlibong patties
(Burger party)
Thousand patties
(Children’s party)
* * *
(To the tune
of Get Back)
“Joga” was a term for boobs noon pang araw,
But ngayon dumami pa.
“Dodo” at “duding” at meron pang “Susana”
Almost all ay walang class
(Chorus)
WET-PAKS! WET-PAKS!
WET-PAKS naman ay your behind,
T-back! T-back!
Babae na nambe-behind
Wet-paks, dodo...
(Ad lib)
(Repeat Chorus except last line)
Wet-paks naman ay your behind.
(Repeat Ad lib)
Mga salita dumami sa tindahan
Kung saan ang tambayan
All these words you’ll never know
From where they’re comin’
So just get it while you can.
(Chorus)
Palpak! Palpak!
Palpak pag sumablay ang plan,
Felix! Bakat!
Obvious na obvious ang kuwan... Ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of When I’m Sixty-Four)
Now I am older with no more hair
I’m sixty-four now
Would you still be wanting me
Sit by your side
Even I’m still not circumcised... Ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of Michelle)
(Chorus 1)
Miss Hell, that’s her,
‘Cause she’s hot and she has slept in so many motels,
(Chorus 2)
Miss “L”, that’s her,
She’s early to bed to be in bed until she’s dead.
She’ll love you, then charge you, then leave you
That’s what she’s always been
Until you find one day
That your early rising bird and worm
Has stopped to stand... Ngek!
- Latest
- Trending
