'Louie's Vuittons'

GENEVA, Switzerland — GMA 7’s Mel & Joey actually premiered in August of 2004, but we celebrate each anniversary somewhere in September and November. We mark and match the number of years by taking the show to different parts of the world. In our first anniversary, we gave our heart and nod to San Francisco. In year number two, we said arigato to you from Tokyo and Nagoya. But in 2007, the bosses voiced out their concern that we might be forgetting our very own Motherland, even giving us that cheap, este, I mean — sweet advice to see the Philippines first. Hehehe ... another way of saying, “cost- cutting muna tayo ...” Or, “Aba, sumosobra na kayo ... pwede naman sa studio...”

And so we did. In short, nag-LVM kami — Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao.

In our anniversary number four last year, we featured four Asian destinations — Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore and Malaysia. Right now, we are working on our fifth anniversary episodes here in Europe to be aired come November. And because it’s going to be our year number five, we are visiting five of the most beautiful countries in this part of the universe — France, Belgium, Switzerland, Spain and Italy. Pero buti na lang, hindi naisip ng mga bossing, para mag-cost-cutting uli, na papuntahin na lang kami sa Lima, Peru — lima agad, isang lugar lang.

We left Manila last Sunday (Sept. 6) on board Kioninklyke Luchtuaart Maatschappy — huh? Ah yeah — in short, KLM. And by the way, it’s correctly pronounced as Goninglayka Lukfat Matsapay — and yes, complete with the double dot marks and “phlegm-nunciations” — pretty much like a cat with a crackling cough. But wait, there’s more — it might commonly be called Royal Dutch Airline, but the three tongue and throat twisters actually stand for Royal Airline Company.

I’m very sure that most of you, and even the seasoned, million-miler flyers, don’t know this — what those three letters of the world’s oldest airline stand for. Lalayo pa ba kayo? Well, I can’t blame you. It’s just like in the case of the two competing networks. Okay, all you young Kapuso and Kapamilya fans, ilan sa inyo ang nakakaalam ng ibig sabihin ng ABS-CBN at GMA? Aber?

I proudly say that I’m a pioneer of ABS-CBN, kaya you expect me to know it. Natural! Eh kayo? Maybe some of you think it’s Avenue Bohol Station-Cebu Bacolod Negros. Or, Charo’s Broadcasting Network. Hindi po. And there’s a lot of broadcast history behind it — it’s Alto Broadcasting System-Chronicle Broadcasting Network.

Eto nakakahiya — ako nga nandito na sa kabila pero hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin kami sigurado sa meaning ng GMA eh. Tinanong ko si partner Mel Tiangco nung nasa Paris kami nung isang araw — ang nasagot lang niya, “Media Arts yata ‘yung M-A eh ... hindi ako sigurado duon sa G.” See?

Some say, GMA could be for Gilberto or Gualberto (Duavit), Menardo (Jimenez), Attorney (Gozon). And worse, German Moreno Associates. Ngek!

Maybe, it’s really like that — if the letters come in strong, we don’t care anymore for what they stand for. Just like TVJ — it’s not for Tito, Vic and Joey. It’s for Truth, Victory and Justice. And that’s the truth.

Going back to our trip here in Europe, I was told that our director Louie Ignacio was questioned by some airport officials in Paris, not about drugs, but about his bags. Alam n’yo naman si direk, mahilig sa mga mamahalin at sosyal na mga gamit katulad ng Louis Vuitton, dahil katunog pa ng first name n’ya. At yung “Vuitton,” katunog naman ng pinipindot ni direk pag nagdi-direk s’ya — buton.

At terno-terno pa mandin ang mga LV bags n’ya, from his wallet to his belt bag and his carry-on. The officials later found out that all his Vuittons are original and with authentication cards.

This is a warning to all, especially those who are addicted to branded things like Vuittons. Just be sure you are carrying an original piece when you travel abroad, especially in France. If the French “authentic” authorities discover that you are carrying an imitation Louis Vuitton (they are also called LV- istigador, and they introduce themselves as, “My name is Bags ... James Bags.”), they won’t hesitate to slash and damage your property, so you, as the song goes, “will never walk with fake in your hands.”

But I told direk Louie that it’s an entirely different situation in Manila. Sa Pinas, fake or real, pareho lang ini-slash. Walang awa. Unlike in France — no merci.

This reminds me that some works and styles by modern artists, like Stephen Sprouse of the Andy Warhol era, are now being used by the leading bag brands like Louis Vuitton as skin and leather designs. Someone suggested that we offer the LV company the masterpieces of some of our very own like Amorsolo, Manansala and Botong Francisco. And I suggest, to give the utmost honor to our National Artists, especially Francisco, that they name the limited lot — Louis Botong.

We just arrived here yesterday from Brussels. At totoo pala — ang pinaka-paborito nilang pulutan dito para sa sandamukal nilang beer ay tahong — in English, Mussels... mussels from Brussels!

(To be continued)