A 'daring' interview with Korona Sanchez

When Funfare chanced upon Korona Sanchez, nicknamed Kuring, at a restaurant in Quezon City, she was in a white wedding dress...as if ready, willing, eager and able to march down the aisle with her beloved Sen. Mar Ramdamin whose sight is set on that coveted palace by the Pasig River. I could now hear the background music playing: You by my side, that’s how I see us; I close my eyes and I can see us. We’re on our way to say “I do!” My secret dreams have all come true...

Pardon the bride-to-be if she’s excited about the wedding set for later this year yet. It’s understandable. Thank heavens she very gladly agreed to a “daring” (as in no-holds-barred) interview.

What’s the first thing that you will do once you become the First Lady?

“Ipagpapatuloy ko ang lahat ng sinimulan ng mga former First Lady. Madame Meldy built a Heart Center and a Lung Center, so I will continue her work and build an Intestine Center...dalawa, Large and Small..., a Pancreas Center, a Balunbalunan Center. Lahat ng bahagi ng ating katawan ay igagawa ko ng center. Madame Ming had her Piso Para sa Pasig; ako naman, mayroong Limang Piso Para sa Laguna Bay.”

Inihahanda mo na ba ang gown mo para sa inauguration ni Sen. Mar Ramdamin in case manalo siya as president?

“That is a very, very good question but not as good as the next question I’m sure.”

What about for your wedding?

“You know, mahirap magplano ng isang kasal. Kulang ang 24 oras. But my gown will be retro-Filipina. ‘Yung mga giveaways pinaplano na rin namin. Makati Mayor Jojo Binay offered some — mga biik. Si Sen. Manny Villar mamimigay ng mga itik. We will also give away little pedicabs. Mga padyakita. O, maganda, di ba?”

What will be the color motif?

“According to Sen. Chiz, yellow. Nice, di ba? Cheese-y yellow. Puwede ring blue ang cheese — blue cheese. Sen. Gringo suggested, ‘Why not make it military green?’ Sabi ko, ‘Mahirap ‘yon; baka ang i-suggest niyang reception ay sa Oakwood o sa Manila Pen.’ Si Sen. Jamby, ang sinagest niya pink. I don’t know why.”

Sabi nila feeling First Lady ka na raw.

“Alam mo noon pa man, nakaluklok na ako sa trono sa puso ni Mar Ramdamin. I’m first and foremost a lady.”

What part of Mar Ramdamin’s body is your favorite?

“Of course, his feet. That’s his commitment — ipagpadyak ang bawat Filipino. Sa kapapadyak niya, lumaki ang mga paa niya.”

Is that the only big part in him?

“Malaki rin ang kanyang puso.”

Is it true that Mar Ramdamin is active in the Senate but passive in bed?

“Ay, ‘K’...as in bed, Kama. Pero ang mga ‘K,’ kuwento, tungkol sa mga private matter ay ‘K,’ Konfidential. Rated-K ang mga tanong mo. Kaka-tense. Ang menu sa aming reception starts with the letter ‘K’ din — Kare-Kare, Kaldereta, Kilawain, Kanin.”

Hahahahahahaha!

Enough already.

The above interview was real, of course, but the interviewee was somebody who, I suspected, was the multi-faceted/multi-personality Jon Santos pretending to be you-know-who whom the impersonator is inviting to his show Kuring, Gluring, Syerrap at Dyuning: Election Is Nearing (For Voter or for Worse) on Sept. 5 and 18 at the Teatrino (Greenhills Promenade, San Juan City; for ticket inquiries, call Ticketworld at 891-9999 or Music Museum at 710-7944) to catch more of the same “daring” interview and much, much more, including Gluring in her chacha-holic glory, Syerrap in his unmistakable macho swagger, Sen. Meeryam with her (notorious) one-liners and Mommy Dyuning doing the latest dance craze.

Jon claimed to have impersonated more than 50 celebrities so far. Any “threat” or onion-skinned reaction so far?

“Only from Ate Vi (Batangas Gov. Vilma Santos),” he said, deadpan. “Binalaan niya ako, ‘Pag naiuwi ka ni Ralph by mistake, magagalit ako’. Hindi ko pinangarap na i-take-home ako ng isang Ralph Recto, ano!”

Actually, he considers Ate Vi a good friend and his No. 1 favorite among his “alter-egos.”

“Sana ganoon din ang tingin ni Ate Vi sa akin,” he added, still deadpan, “na good friend niya ako. She’s the first one I ever impersonated, doon sa Eskinol commercial niya. Alam mo, close kami. Text-text kaming dalawa, talk kami on the phone twice a year para mag-emote-emote. The first time she joined politics, when she ran for Mayor of Lipa, I campaigned for her. During the miting de avance, Ralph would call me and as the crowd roared with laughter he would tell me, ‘Excuse me, isa ka lang fake.’ And then, he would call Ate Vi.”

And as a big nod to his idol, Jon conceded.

“I am just a second-rate, trying-hard copy-K.”

But I’m sure Korona Sanchez would agree that, yes, Jon Santos is rated-K — K as in may Karapatan.

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