Tips from 'sex guru' Paloma

Curtain-raisers:

• Cannes 2009 Best Director Dante Mendoza’s Kinatay was originally tapped to open the 2009 Cinemalaya on Friday, July 17 (until July 26), but Dante begged off, saying that Kinatay has competed in Cannes and it has “nothing more to prove.” Manila, starring Piolo Pascual who also produced it, was chosen as replacement. Kinatay will be shown in an invitational event at the UP Film Institute on July 30.

• Terror on the set? A very talented actor turns into a “terrorist” when he has one drink too many. On the resort set of a movie shooting in a southern city, he wrecked havoc on the set and, that’s it, “terrorizing” everybody, including the crew/staff of the movie and the resort. Fed up with the actor’s unbridled temper, the director who’s “coddling” him screamed at the actor and ordered him to shut up already and behave, or else...

• A popular TV host is being wooed into running for congressman or governor in his native province where he is deemed to be a sure winner. But no, he doesn’t want to jump into the murky waters of politics. Guess what position he’s eyeing — yes, as an ambassador! Hmmmm, I think he’s qualified.

• Because of her “attitude,” an angelic actress might lose future endorsements. “She, rather her manager, is very demanding,” complained the one in-charge of the shoot of the actress’ newest endorsement. “She wants us to hire a make-up artist who charges P80,000 per day. Okay lang sana. But she wants to shoot not only for one day as agreed upon but for two days, kasi gusto niya iba naman daw ang ‘look’ nya the next day. And that’s another P80,000 for the make-up artist! Suko na ako sa kanyang ‘attitude’.”

* * *

I don’t need it — yet!

Of course, no self-respecting male, even if he’s into his twilight years, would ever admit that he’s not anymore able to, well, “stand up to the situation” or that he needs a little help from some “magic” pill to erect his sagging self-confidence. But an exception to the “rule” is Dolphy who, at 81 (this July 25), insists that he doesn’t need Viagra, saying with a wink, “Zsa Zsa (Padilla) is my viagra!”
Upcoming sex kitten Paloma (launched in the indie film Pitik-Bulag with Marco Alcaraz as her leading man) can give men with problems down there a tip or two.

“Easy does it,” said Paloma, 23, a UP Fine Arts graduate who has replaced Asia Agcaoili (a brand-new mom) as the “sex guru” columnist of FHM magazine. “Robust can help.”

Robust is a herb-extract supplement for men calculated, according to the flyer, to “increase your sexual desire and stamina” and “give you the ability to repeat again.”

The sexually-liberated Paloma is the perfect endorser for Robust (she also endorses Premiere Condoms).

“Like in the case of Premiere,” Paloma told Funfare, “to find out how effective Robust is, pina-try ko sa friend ko — uy, di ko siya boyfriend, ha. It worked daw, sabi niya.”

Would she recommend it to her boyfriend?

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” (She intimidates guys.) “Mahihirapan sila sa akin.”

The “sex guru” said that sex has a “healing” and “therapeutic” power.

“It can relieve a lot of ailments,” said Paloma (a daring/bolder deadringer for Dawn Zulueta) who dishes out this kind of vital tips in her FHM column. “What I can’t get from experience I get from books. I read a lot of them, including Kama Sutra. I watch porno flicks for my research.”

In Pitik-Bulag, directed by Gil M. Portes, Paloma (whose surname is Esmeria) goes au naturel, scaring Marco into putting a plaster on his private area during their love scenes. She will be seen next in a Regal movie.

“Abangan n’yo ako sa next FHM appearance ko,” she said. “Hubad talaga ako. Jewelry lang ang cover ko.”

Asked which three local actors she would like to have “private moments” with, she demurred.

“Huwag, delikado ‘yan, baka magalit sa akin ang mga girlfriends nila,” said Paloma who was named by her mother for Paloma, daughter of Pablo Picasso. “My mom is open-minded; she’s a Picasso fan. My dad is a retired colonel.”

Actually, Paloma doesn’t like actors.

“I prefer athletes.”

And she named four, all foreign ones: Kobe Bryant, David Beckham, William Devaughn and Chris Paul.

What about Manny Pacquiao?

“Ay, huwag! Baka patayin ako ni Jinkee!”

And she broke into a laughter associated only with a well-rounded sex guru.  

Charice visits Hollywood Olympics

Here’s another entry in Funfare’s continuing coverage of the ongoing Hollywood Olympics in L.A., courtesy of this corner’s Hollywood “eye”:
International singing sensation Charice has paid a visit to the Westin Bonaventure to show support to Little Big Star batchmate Rhap Salazar who is currently competing in the junior singing division at the 13th World Championships of Performing Arts (WCOPA).

Charice, whom Rhap considers his best friend, together with a slew of Philippine showbiz figures (Boy Abunda, Kris Aquino, Luis Manzano, Sam Milby, Erik Santos, Billy Crawford, Johnny Manahan, Piolo Pascual, Rachelle Ann Go, Sarah Geronimo, Sheryn Regis, Sharon Cuneta and Korina Sanchez), provided financial aid for the young male singer to compete in the said annual event.

He also received a subsidy from Pres. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Young performing artists from nearly 40 countries including the US and The Philippines compete for the “Grand Champion of the World” titles in dance, vocal, modeling, acting, comedy, instrumental and variety at WCOPA.
Grand finals will be held on Friday night, July 17, at the Grand Ballroom of the Westin Bonaventure.

What’s up

• Tune in tonight to Cheche Lazaro’s Probe Profiles on ABS-CBN after Bandila and find out all about healing priest Fr. Joey Faller. The show is replayed Fridays at 3 a.m. and Sundays at 1:30 p.m. on ABS-CBN News Channel.

• Side A performs Mondays this month at Conways in Shangri-La Hotel in Makati City. Conways’ schedule the rest of the week: Fat Session on Tuesdays, HiWay 54 on Wednesdays, Spirit of ’67 on Thursdays, Midlife Crisis and RX 80s Band on Fridays, Rockin’ Revival and GOP (Gang Of Pearl) on Saturdays, and JC Jazz Quartet on Sundays. Showtime is 8:30 p.m.

• Ryan Cayabyab announces that an international casting team from Walt Disney Entertainment will audition vocalists tomorrow, July 16, at The Music School of Ryan Cayabyab at Robinsons Galleria, EDSA corner Ortigas Avenue, starting at 10 a.m. Audition for dancers are slated for Friday, July 17, at the Halili-Cruz School of Ballet at 1227 Quezon Ave., Quezon City, at 9 a.m. For particulars, call 637-9840 or 914-5055.

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