Halftime entertainment

In the midst of all the blockbusters and high-budget, high-tech flicks of the Hollywood summer, the thriller Vacancy squeezes in as a bathroom break — and nothing more.

As knuckle-biters go, the Luke Wilson-Kate Beckinsale starrer rates pretty well, except when you figure out that it is actually a mishmash of old material. So, what is this Vacancy anyway — a homage to the ilk of Psycho and that whole I Know What You Did franchise or a half-hearted attempt at originality to come up with something passable, moderately gory, and mildly imaginative?

Actually, a lot of the tension and drama ensues even before our protagonists reach the motel in the middle of nowhere (wouldn’t have it any other way, of course). David (Luke) and Amy Fox (Kate) establish that their marriage has gone south — presumably with the untimely death of their kid. Then they get lost (sounds familiar), and stumble upon Satan’s decrepit gasoline station with the suspiciously helpful attendant. After they leave this redux of the infamous Paris Hilton-version House of Wax gas station, you really get a sneaky, scary feeling — of coach potato déjà vu.

After a brief stop for (dis)repair, our hapless couple’s BMW finally conks out on them (surprise).  And they have no cell phone signal to call a mechanic (surprise again). Time to check into the Bates Motel, er, whatever that place is. Enter dorky yet menacing manager Mason played by Frank Whaley, lord of the  icky regulation hotel complete with standard-issue roaches and dirty tap water — ah, a yummy “slashterpiece” theatre opus! Whaley is brilliant and genuinely scary/funny in his oversized glasses and oily mustache.

Playing the unwitting (is there any other kind?) actors in a snuff film, level-headed David and feisty Amy try to keep one step ahead of their voyeuristic, violent pursuers — finding, along the way, some closure, resolution, and (oh yes!) love. Indeed, what else can set the heart a-fluttering like some masked maniacs wanting to kill you?

Also along the way, there’s blood, screaming, claustrophobia, rats, more blood, ad infinitum. But you know that already, don’t you? A part of me wanted Kate to turn into a vampire (Underworld) or vampire killer (Van Helsing) and slay these sissies like the amateurs they are. But that would have been completely unexpected. And Vacancy wouldn’t want that.  But you have to hand it to the producers, though. They were completely forthright with the title.