Ruffa not going back to Istanbul!

People always think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you love. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special, too.

Ruffa Gutierrez (soon to be ex-Bektas) texted to me that message yesterday morning and that sums up her present state of being.

"I’m grieving," she sighed.

As Funfare reported in a "scoop" last Monday, Ruffa and husband Yilmaz Bektas have arrived at a mutual decision to file a petition for the annulment of their four-year marriage, citing "cultural differences" as the reason. Ruffa claimed that there’s no "third party" involved and that the "cultural differences" have piled up despite their combined effort to save their marriage.

"As I told you," said Ruffa when she called me a few minutes after sending that message, "it was a painful decision to make because Yilmaz and I love each other."

They got married on March 25, 2003, but Ruffa said that they celebrate not their wedding anniversary but the day they met which was May 11, 1999, at the Cannes Filmfest. Today is their "eighth anniversary" but they’re not celebrating.

"Yilmaz will call, I know," said Ruffa who has been here with their two daughters, Lorin (turning four in August) and Venice (turning three in September) since early this year. "Yes, we talk. We communicate. And he and the kids are talking to each other, too. Yilmaz talked to Lorin the other day. Lorin had just watched the TV newscast which flashed my and Yilmaz’s wedding photo. Lorin told her father, ‘I saw you and mom on TV getting married. Mom’s tummy is big because I’m inside’." (Ruffa was four months pregnant with Lorin when she and Yilmaz got married.)

Asked if she and her kids are going back to Istanbul, Ruffa’s home after she got married, Ruffa said, "No. I’ll never go back to Istanbul."

She’s here for good, tied to a contract with RPN 9 for the show The Philippines’ Next Top Model and to ABS-CBN as replacement for Kris Aquino on The Buzz. (Kris might not go back to the show.)

A roving DPA told Funfare that Yilmaz asked Ruffa and the kids to fly back to Istanbul last January after spending the Christmas season here with the rest of the Gutierrezes. Yilmaz followed but stayed for only one week.

"Ruffa went back to Istanbul even if she didn’t want to," said the DPA. "Yilmaz didn’t want her to come back, so Ruffa ‘escaped’. She hasn’t gone back since then despite persistent calls from Yilmaz."

Asked if she and Yilmaz fought before they decided to split up, or if, as rumors have it, their arguments sometimes turned not just "verbally violent" but "physically violent," Ruffa said, "I’m not denying nor confirming anything."

She added, "Like every woman, I wanted my marriage to be like a fairy tale — you know, with a happily-ever-after ending. But like any couple, Yilmaz and I had our disagreements. Ours wasn’t a perfect marriage. Which marriage is, anyway? But whatever happened within the four corners of our bedroom, of our house, will have to remain there. All I want to say is that I want to leave our marriage with dignity and grace."

Still and all, Ruffa disclosed that Yilmaz is trying to fix whatever differences, "cultural" and otherwise, they’re having.

"He might come on Monday," said Ruffa. "He said that it would be better for us to discuss the matter face-to-face rather than just on the phone. I feel sad about the situation and so do Yilmaz and his family. My in-laws are nice to me."

But Ruffa’s mom, Annabelle Rama, feels otherwise.

"I will tell all this Sunday when I appear on Showbiz Central (on GMA 7, with son Raymond Gutierrez as one of the hosts)," Annabelle threatened. Ruffa herself will tell the "real score" on The Buzz that same day.

Was money, besides "cultural differences," a factor in their split-up?

"No. Never. I must admit that Yilmaz is a good provider. Did I marry Yilmaz for money as some people might be thinking? No, I did not. I married him for love. I gave up so many things for that love — my Hollywood dream, my contract with Century Productions and my career here. But I have no regrets. I want to stress that before I met Yilmaz, I was earning well; I was brought up by my parents on the value of hard work and to be independent."

At that time, she chose love over career. This time, is she doing the reverse?

"No. Even when I was living in Istanbul, Yilmaz allowed me to come home to work. I’ve been coming and going in the last four years. But when I came back last January, it was for good. We were already having differences. So I decided to stay here."

Ruffa has custody over their two children whom Yilmaz will continue to support.

Have they discussed alimony and some such issues yet?

"No. We haven’t reached that point yet."

With the filing of the petition for annulment pending, can their marriage perhaps still be saved?

Ruffa was firm.

"My decision is final."