Helping mothers move on

Former Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith, whose 20-year-old son died four days after she gave birth to her daughter said she could not remember anything from the day her son died except how she was told of her son’s death. Anna’s son, Daniel was in the same room as she was. He had come to visit her newly-born sister, Danielynn. Recalls Anna, "He (referring to Howard Stern her current husband) said: ‘Sit down’… he said: ‘Daniel’s dead.’ I said: ‘What are you talking about?’"

Anna was inconsolable. It was impossible to believe that her son, who was young and healthy would die suddenly. "I don’t understand why God took my son away when he could have taken me instead," she said. Anna says that she would not be alive today if she did not have her new daughter or her new husband. "If I didn’t have Howard, or my baby, I wouldn’t be here." Anna crumbles at the mention of her son’s name.

Bill Cosby said his son Ennis was his hero. Ennis was killed while changing the tire of his Mercedes Benz convertible at the San Diego Freeway. Police said the motive of the killing was robbery. At the time of his death, Ennis was finishing his doctoral studies. He was comedian Cosby’s only son in a brood of five. Cosby, upon hearing the news of his son’s death looked "flushed" and "stern." He also released a statement which said, "Our hearts go out to each and every family that such an incident occurs to. This is a life experience that’s truly difficult to share."

Pia Cayetano always wears a white gold chain with a locket. The locket contains a photo and some locks of hair of her deceased son Gabriel and a photo of her late father Sen. Rene Cayetano. The chain was given to her as a gift when she finished law at the UP. Pia wears the necklace wherever she goes. "It’s like having them both with me wherever I go," she says.

Manay Gina de Venecia, whose daughter KC died a few years ago, has not stopped grieving over the loss of her daughter. "The pain does not stop. You just have to learn to live with it."

Manay Gina says that losing a child is the most numbing grief that could happen to any mother. "We have to face that this could happen to anyone." Thus in an effort to support grieving mothers, Manay Gina set up INA Foundation (Inang Naulila sa Anak) with a Healing Center which will open on Dec. 16. The center will provide psycho-social support to mothers who have lost their children.

Ina Healing Center which is the first project of the Ina Foundation, is a two-storey building where orphaned mothers will be with people who can understand and empathize their pain. It has a meditation room for therapy sessions, a pillow room for counseling and fellowship, a library, a Zen Garden for meditation, a conference room for training sessions, among other facilities.

Manay Gina’s husband Speaker Jose de Venecia has provided the seed money to construct the building in a lot donated by the Department of Social Welfare and Development. Ina members and some local government units will train barangay health workers to serve as grief counselors.

Ina was born when Manay Gina and Ali Sotto (who also lost a son, Miko) began a crusade to comfort mothers and the response was positive. In March last year, the core group of 15 gathered for the first time and Ina was born.

"We find consolation in knowing that others really know our pain. We want to counsel and be counseled because in this symbiotic relationship, the providers of hope are strengthened in return," she says.

Orphaned mothers with the help of Ina Foundation can transform their traumatic experiences into something affirmative. And in the process, they are also helping the bereaved mothers move on from a place of grief to a place of hope.

Mothers, says Manay Gina, are the center of our society. "A mother’s morale cannot be disrupted by the devastating loss of a loved one. That’s why it’s important to have a support group for mothers such as Ina. At present, there’s no organization that helps bereaved families in processing their grief. Ina Foundation will answer that need."

Mabuhay ka, Manay Gina!