Mga halu-halong hula-hula

It’s halu-halong hula-hula season once again (how time flies, ‘no!), time to dust off my stack of movie magazines on which — now you know… but haven’t you always known the "secret" of my "trade"? — I base my annual hula-hula which has a 95 percent batting average.

As I’ve been saying year in and year out, it’s easy to make hula-hula the fates and fortunes of the stars (those earthbound not the ones in the firmament). No wonder those mangjojolas (well, manghuhula) proliferating in showbiz are making quite a living preying on the gullible showbiz denizens, many of whom can’t make any move unless they consult and/or check first the tarot cards and the crystal balls spread out before them by those mangjojolas who must be laughing gleefully behind their pa-serious façade.

I reviewed last year’s halu-halong hula-hula and, as usual and as expected, 95 percent of them came true, a record no showbiz mangjojola has ever achieved. And to think that I don’t have to wear a turban or caress a crystal ball or shuffle tarot cards to do it! And, I should add, I never, never, never charge a single cent from my victims, er, clients pala.

And now that the air has cleared after the other night’s explosive revelry, let’s buckle down to brass tacks and together look toward the next 12 years.

First, the "wide-awake" hula-hula:

• Paolo Bediones will reveal the identity of his girlfriend (if he has any).

• Pops Fernandez will finally (finally!!!) find a boyfriend who’s neither French nor Amercian nor any other foreign nationality, but as Pinoy as adobo and tapsilog.

• Kris Aquino’s love life will be as barren as ever and, as she has been happily claiming, she’ll remain safely "celibate" (bless her!).

• Sharon Cuneta will get pregnant with her and husband Sen. Kiko Pangilinan’s second child (after Frankie who turned a year-old last Dec. 16).

• Kristine Hermosa will reconcile with her family but only after surviving headline-hogging (and very embarrassing) controversies involving family matters (financial, etc.), not unlike the family feud that happened between Jessa Zaragoza and her mother. But Kristine will go on living independently in her own pad.

• ABS-CBN will axe four shows (one of them topbilled by a popular star).

• GMA 7 is also putting four of its own shows on the chopping block (one of them a comedy).

• Gameshows will decline sharply in popularity (too many of them, you see; the airwaves has become too crowded and too saturated with them) and perhaps only two will survive. My final answer? Commercial muna tayo. (Don’t go away; we’ll be back!)

• Mexican telenovelas will be a thing of the past, to be replaced by locally-produced ones which are far better (with the performers talking "in synch").

• Piolo Pascual will continue to be hounded by controversy from which he’ll emerge unscathed, his popularity intact (and will even increase) because — as if you didn’t know! — you can’t put a good and talented man down.

• Another big scandal will rock the industry, although not of the same magnitude/intensity as the 1994 Manila Filmfest Scam but almost as serious as the Live Show brouhaha.

• MTRCB Chief Anding Roces faces "tough and turbulent" days ahead but President GMA will continue to have trust and faith in him (you can breath easily now, Anding!).

• Nora Aunor won’t be making any movie — yet — but Vilma Santos will resume shooting the much-delayed Star Cinema Chito Roño-directed movie Dekada 70.

• Workers in a TV station will stage a labor-related action (strike?). There will be "significant movements" among talents between the two rival channels, ABS-CBN and GMA 7.

• Now successfully winning his own little battle with the bulge, Phillip Salvador will make a comeback (just you wait and see) — with a vengeance!

• Jinggoy Estrada will forgive — unconditionally — not only former Cavite Gov. Bong Revilla but also his half-brother, San Juan Mayor JV Ejercito.

And now, for the "blind item" hula hula:

• A pa-controversial couple will break up due to financial difficulties.

• A sexy actress will split from her foreigner-boyfriend (non-showbiz) after she discovers his "true color" and the shady business deals he has been getting into.

• A sexy actress will come back from abroad a brand-new mother and confess to the "sin" she has been accused of in blind items (this corner included).

• A young and wholesome actress might get pregnant (if she isn’t careful).

• A couple long suspected of having marital problems will make a clean breast of their true status and announce to the whole world that, yes, yes, yes, they’ve been estranged all these years even if they’ve been living under one roof (but sleeping in separate beds?).

• The wife of a popular actor will muster enough guts and confront the sexy actress romantically linked to the guy who will, as usual, get out of the mess with his "innocence" intact. The wife will retreat back to quiet domesticity.

• A recording company will declare bankruptcy and close shop (what a sour note!).

• A movie company might also fold up — that is, if it can’t make additional multi-peso loan from a financial institution (no, not the IMF).

• Due to dollar restraints and the worsening economic crisis, there’ll be fewer and fewer foreign artists who will come to perform (but let’s wait for February 14 if this particular hula will come true).

• An actor-politician will hog headlines because of money-related anomalies.

• Another actor-politician will find himself enmeshed in a controversy due to immorality.

• Two young stars (one male and one female) will be confined in the hospital for drug rehab.

• Several other actors and actresses will be as "ecstatic" as ever and it’s not because of shabu.

• A manghuhula will be accused of swindling. The stars (in the firmament) aren’t telling who, whether male or female or in-between, so all the mangjojola are advised to constantly consult their tarot cards and crystal balls and whatever they can lay their hands on. Any of them could be "it." Don’t say I didn’t warn you!