Charlene might give birth earlier than expected

Curtain-raisers:

• Could it be true that Janet McBride is quitting (as co-host of) ABS-CBN’s Talk TV and going back to Australia? Janet is denying that she’s pregnant – how could she be when she’s not married? – and I’m positive that she’s just gaining weight (getting obvious on TV, isn’t it?).

• Could it be true that Mo Twister, father of a love child with Bunny Paras and currently Janet McBride’s boyfriend, is also quitting his ABS-CBN show A.S.A.P. for an undisclosed reason? Is he going to keep Janet company in Australia or going back to the States for a respite?

• Could it be true that what lured Luchi Cruz-Valdez into transferring from GMA 7 to ABS-CBN was the offer she couldn’t refuse (triple her GMA salary and a brand-new car, etc.)? Will Luchi, perhaps unwittingly, be stepping on some sensitive toes in her new home station?

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Of course, the whole world knows that Charlene Gonzalez (Mrs. Aga Muhlach) is scheduled to give birth to their fraternal twins (a boy and a girl) on Nov. 3 when her pregnancy (announced two days before the couple’s wedding in Baguio City last May 28) reaches the 36th week. (Charlene’s doctor told her that for the twins’ lungs to be fully developed, they have to stay in her womb that long.)

But already, Charlene is having contractions so she might deliver the twins (the boy to be named Antonio Andres and the girl, Atasha Aaron) may be a week earlier – on Oct. 28, that is – but it all depends on what the results of her prenatal checkup today will be.

Because the babies are too big (each weighing 5.3 lbs., so you can imagine what a load Charlene is carrying), Charlene will deliver them by Cesarian section. The excited father-to-be will be with Charlene every step of the way. Why, Papa Aga might even volunteer to help the doctors deliver the twins, just like what Cesar Montano did when wife Sunshine Cruz gave birth last Sept. 23.

In fact, since Charlene is virtually immobile at their Ayala Alabang mansion, Aga has also been homebound, checking and rechecking the twins’ nursery.

The couple shudders at the thought of Charlene giving birth on Nov. 1 (All Saints Day) and they’d rather, if they had a choice, that the twins’ much-awaited arrival be on Nov. 3, which happens to be Lipa City Mayor Vilma Santos’ birthday (her 49th). Otherwise, it might have to be on Nov. 8 which happens to be Aga’s lucky number.

Already, Aga has informed Vilma’s son Luis/Lucky that he would be one of the twins’ godparents, prompting Mama Vi to say, "Talagang wala na kaming ligtas ni Aga sa isa’t-isa," referring to the fact that, besides her being one of the principal sponsors at Aga and Charlene’s wedding, she’s also Aga and Charlene’s kumare because Aga is one of Vilma and husband Ralph Recto’s son Ryan Christian’s ninongs.

Who knows, when Luis/Lucky gets married, Aga and Charlene might be tapped to be one of the principal sponsors. You see, it has become a family affair between the Muhlachs and the Rectos.

Encore, Tessie!

I brought my balikbayan friend to the first weekend run of Tessie Tomas’ Teysi @Tweynti two weeks ago show at the Music Museum and several days after my friend returned to L.A., she still breaks into giggles and laughter recollecting the gallery of interesting characters Tessie portrays on the show (with John Lapus, Jon Santos and Boy Abunda as guest performers).

Good Old Meldita is in her element, taunting the Filipino people for being so stupid in letting them back from forced exile in America and twitting the governments that succeeded the dark Marcos Era for not doing anything to the country and driving the 72-million-plus Filipino deeper into misery. The only difference is that Meldita today is a mixed-dresser, one half of her in butterfly-sleeved gown and the lower half (and her hairdo) very Jolina Magdangal.

Boldie Bonnie Buendia is bolder than ever, lusting to get an appointment with Vicki Belo to get rid of unwanted avoirdupois, snickering at her radical idea on how to wipe out the Taliban and the followers of Osama bin Laden – yes, tali their bananas! Cheers to Tessie (and director Floy Quintos) for giving a new meaning to the popular Banana Boat Song (Come, Mr. Taliman, tali their banana, as Tessie reworded it).

Teysi @ Tweynti will have two more shows tonight and tomorrow night, also at the Music Museum, and I’m sure that if Madame Imelda Marcos will go out of her way to watch it, she’ll double up with laughter listening to her alter ego – and so will President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo who will be pleasantly surprised to find her mirror-image in Gloria Aray-Ko in a riveting monologue on the state of the nation. Because GMA has a sense of humor, I doubt if she’d have Tessie (and company) "arrested" for speaking the truth (satirically, of course) especially since the truth hurts (ouch, ouch, ouch!).

The audience at Music Museum will be complete (hail, hail, the gang’s all here!) if Mary "Rosebud" Ong also shows up, including Sharon Cuneta and daughter KC Concepcion, Annabelle Rama and daughter Ruffa Gutierrez, former President Cory Aquino and daughter Kris, Korina Sanchez, Karen Davila, Mel Tiangco and, since they have already publicly reconciled after that ugly protected word war, Nora Aunor and adopted daughter Matet.

Lest I spoil the fun and the suspense, I won’t tell you how they figure in Tessie’s show. Find out for yourself and laugh – at their expense.

Anyway, Funfare is congratulating Tessie for those two hours of fun. You leave Music Museum not only with a bellyache but also with the disturbing thought that, yes, indeed, Tessie and company have a way of pricking our collective conscience while making us laugh and laugh until tears well up in our eyes.