An American Pie for Madonna

Thanks to Madonna's new version made for the soundtrack of the motion picture The Next Best Thing, public interest in the song American Pie is once more at an all time high. This is manifested by the strong curiosity over the Material Girl's electronica rendition by all sorts of people, who wonder if it is any good and also on the classic original, which was recorded by singer-composer Don McLean in 1971. And not to forget, in some cases also on Weird Al Yankovie's take titled The Saga Begins, which tells the complete story of the George Lucas film Episode I; The Phantom Menace.

Well, you can now add one more American Pie song to the list. A friend from Texas in the US of A sent me a copy of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram which has an artcile by Robert Philpot titled Reheated American Pie. Philpot's article is about Madonna's cover and how radio stations are reacting to it. Then to show how he feels about her rendition, he included his own set of lyrics for McLean's famous melody, which he titled Song to Madonna. This one has not yet been recorded but if you pay more attention to the music and read it two or three times you will soon be able sing the song.

Song to Madonna

(Music: Don McLean-Lyrics: Robert Philpot)

A long long time ago

I can still remember when Madonna was the Material Girl

And I knew if I had MTV

That I could turn it on and see

A boat in Venice with Madonna all-awhirl

And Like a Virgin made me quiver

With all the sales that it delivered

She called herself a Boy Toy

We rolled our eyes and said, 'oh boy.'

I can't remember if she lied

About her hair's peroxide

But no matter what she tried

She couldn't be denied

(chorus)

But why, why this American Pie

Wasn't broken, I'm not jokin'

And I don't like her retry.

What's she got against that good ol'Don McLean guy?

It could make a baby boomer cry

It could make a baby boomer cy

Do you remember Borderline

It was a fun song, it was just fine

And she danced weird in the video

Oh, do you remember Holiday

And the crazy way she would sway

Then suddenly she's acting like Monroe

Well, I know that you heard Lucky Star

'cause I saw you singing in your car

And then you dyed your hair

Wore bangles that gave me a scare

I was only trying to resist the hype

When I said her early stuff was tripe

But no matter how much I sniped

She couldn't be denied

(chorus)

Oh and there she was in Dick Tracy

Her bad acting drove me crazy

But she was dating ol'Warren

So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack Nicholson on a candlestick

Madonna just didn't fit in

But she recovered with Truth or Dare

Beatty and Costner looked real dumb there

She did things to Perrier

That in a family paper we can't say

And then she put out a bok called Sex

That made the media nervous wrecks

We all wondered what was next

But she couldn't be denied

(chorus)

I had an old copy of True Blue

I sold it in 1992

I guess I could've given it away

I took it to a used-record store

Where I'd never taken anything before

It was vinyl and its music wouldn't play

Body of Evidence gave me bad dreams

But with Ray of Light she was redeemed

Forgot she dated Rodman

Said bad words on Letterman

And the thing that I admire the most

Is that she keeps little Lourdes close

Even though the daddy is now toast

She just can't be denied

But I'm still asking

Why, why this American Pie

Why a remake for Pete's sake

When the first one's so spry

But it's got the blessing of that Don McLean guy

Even though I suspect it's a lie

He gets royalties that help him get by

Why, why this American Pie

Tons of lover, now a cover

That she wants you to buy

That good ol'song could make a boomer cry

But Madonna's version won't be denied.

Anybody thinking of a Pilipino version out there?