Arnell's own 'nightmare' in Guam

Curtain-raisers:

Funfare's prodigal "Hardcourt DPA" has finally resurfaced and here are his juicy items:

1. Do you know why the basketball teams ("I'm not saying for which game, PBA or MBA?") have been pulled out from the provinces? Remember, the teams used to stay in the provinces where they were playing for weeks at a stretch, but now they're allowed to stay only for a few days. Reason: Many of the players contacted STD's (sexually-transmitted diseases) from the local girls and some of them even infected their wives.

2. When a PBA team arrived at a southern city for an exhibition game, the players were welcomed at the airport by the place's richest and most prominent citizen who come clad in, would you believe, mink coat (yes, he's "it"). The flamboyant welcomer instantly developed a fondness for player JC on whose face (no, not his lips) he planted a (wet?) kiss. Until now, JC could still feel the "wetness" in his cheek.

3. A snobbish (as in homophobic) player recently had an exhibit of his paintings. People organizing the exhibit invited a respected art patron to the opening but the art patron begged off. The organizers insisted, so the art patron relented and did a look-see, buying the most expensive piece (worth more than P40,000). The player-artist couldn't believe it, since his hardcourt colleagues bought only the small pieces (between P3,000 and P4,000), and he could have showered the art patron (who was "lusting" for him?) with (also wet?) kisses (no, he didn't). I'm sure that if the two meet again, the player-artist will be warmer to the art patron. See what money can do!

No, Arnell Ignacio didn't land in jail, unlike Alma Concepcion and Anjanette Abayari, when he was apprehended by a Customs official at the Guam Airport recently when Arnell went there with a group for a concert. But for a while, Arnell thought he would be detained -- and for what "offense?"

When Arnell arrived in Guam with Dulce, Dessa, Rannie Raymundo and talent-manager Angie Magbanua, he was looking forward to having a wonderful, though brief, stay in the Gateway to the USA. His expectations were soon doused.

"The Customs official, a Chamorro, let my companions go without checking their luggage," recalled Arnell, "and I thought he'd do the same to me."

For 25 minutes, Arnell went through what he can describe only as a "nightmarish" experience.

"The Customs official was very obviously biased against Filipinos, especialy entertainers," said Arnell. "He searched my maleta inside-out, checking and re-checking every little item inside, doubting even my medicine for my vertigo. At one point, he opened my 2-1-2 Carolina Herrera perfume and started spraying the air with it.

"He asked if I was an entertainer and when I said, 'Yes, I am!,' he said, 'Do you know Anjanette Abayari?' I said, 'Yes, I do!' and he said, 'You Filipinos can bring balut or mangoes but not drugs!' I was keeping my cool all the while. Ayoko makulong ng walang kasalanan, ano!

"Meanwhile, my companions were waiting for me and they were getting impatient. The Customs official was trying to look for something but he couldn't find anything. I was trying to joke with him, but he was serious. Medyo nagpanting ang tenga ko when, just like when he called me the first time, he motioned to me with his index finger and said, 'You Filipinos!' That was a racial slur. I was getting mad but I still kept my cool. He finally let me go nang wala naman siyang makita sa bagahe ko."

Arnell wanted to file a formal complaint, but to whom?

"No wonder many Filipinos are now reluctant to go to Guam," he said. "Some of the nasty Customs officials are scaring not only the Filipinos but also tourists of other nationalities from going there."

Incidentally, Arnell has long reconciled with his wife Frannie with whom he has a three-year-old daughter, Pie, contrary to rumors that they've separated for good.

"We've ironed out our differences and after a heart-to-heart talk, hayun, nagkabati na kami."

After belting out songs of love and the joys and pains of living and loving as a torch singer, Helen Cruz has remained the Helen Cruz after all these 45 or so years, lived fully and well, a life punctuated with love affairs and flings which could fill up volumes and volumes of books.

In fact, if Funfare were to give a Walang Kupas award Helen would surely be the top awardee. The new generation of music buffs would wonder what Helen Cruz really is, who Helen Cruz really is, but does it matter as long as Helen sings as well as she used to, with her repertoire full of songs whose lyrics Helen himself, er, herself has rewritten in her own naughty way?

Last Tuesday evening, we dropped by the City Star Music Lounge (at the 12th floor) of the City State/Tower Hotel (at the corner of Padre Faura and Mabini streets in Malate, Manila) and what a wonderful evening it was! Dressed in pink, Helen sang for one hour non-stop, belting out songs as if there were no tomorrows.

She opened her first set (9 to 10 p.m. and then 11 p.m. to 12 midnight, and 1 to 2 a.m. Monday and Tuesday nights) with a husky rendition of Wonderful Days, followed by As I Love You sung with a deep feeling only somebody like Helen who has loved and lost and loved again can ever muster. She did four songs (I Dreamed a Dream, I Left My Heart in San Francisco, Ikaw and Wind Beneath My Wings) and launched into a signature Helen Cruz number entitled Pasumpa-Sumpa (to the tune of Historia de Un Amor) with naughty lyrics taunting an unfaithful lover.

Helen's own version of Sentimental Reasons was a riot (you know, I love you for some financial reasons and some such reinvented lyrics). We were thankful that Helen didn't forget to sing her "anthem," the heart-tugging This Is My Life (you know, And I don't give a damn for lost emotions), which was a most fitting finale for her first set.

Do drop by the City State/Tower Hotel City Star Music Lounge and have a fill of the Helen Cruz (no she won't swallow you alive, unless you allow her to). The lounge will be re-launched tonight, with politicians, showbiz folk and businessmen invited to the affair. For sure, Helen will be there and I'm sure she'll do one of her naughty songs -- and This Is My Life.

JM Rodriguez, who has been with the Repertory Philippines for four and a half years, is set to conquer a new stage as guest in Roselle Nava's First Night concert at the Music Museum on April 14.

"This has been my dream for a long time. The pop concert scene is definitely different from the musical stage scene. And being with Roselle, who exudes great vocal energy, is surely a good entrance to the stage. I have to bring out the best in my voice," says JM, 23.

The nephew of stage veteran Baby Barredo has performed in different musical plays, among them as King Herod in Jesus Christ Superstar, Ben Voila in Romeo and Juliet, Magaldi in Evita and Mark in the critically-acclaimed Rent. After being discovered by ABS-CBN's Talent Center, JM hopes to make it as big in the pop scene.

"I dream of being Martin Nievera, Ogie Alcasid and Janno Gibbs," says JM, "but I have yet to compose and write my own songs. I have written and composed quite a few but I still have to get that confidence to make the whole world listen to my work."