Willie on solo flight

What is the scientific name of, yes, Willie Revillame?

Okay, while you're pondering that question (which should qualify you as contestant of Magandang Tanghali Bayan's Pera O Bayong), let me tell you that we did a "scientific" session with Willie for Conversations -- solo (meaning without his MTB co-hosts Randy Santiago and John Estrada).

We dropped by Willie's rented (P20,000 a month) townhouse in the vicinity of the Celebrity Sports Plaza and Broadcast City in Quezon City, where Willie (according to him) lives only with two maids and a driver. No "lady of the house?" None -- according to Willie. So in that sense, Willie is on solo flight (how lonely!).

The townhouse has three bedrooms, the big one for Willie (of course!) and a smaller one for the two maids sleeping on double-deck beds. "I treat the maids like members of the family," said Willie as he led us on a quick tour of the house. "Here," he pointed to the toilet bowl, and then sitting on it, "here's where I can come up with bright ideas for the show. It's here where I composed the Pure Foods jingle we're using in the Pera O Bayong portion."

Along the second floor corridor are racks containing Willie's dozens and dozens of shoes. The closets in his bedroom are packed full with clothes, many of them still to be worn. Downstairs, the sala is sparsely decorated, dominated by a giant TV screen. On the center table are neatly arranged a copy of King of Comedy, The Life and Art of Jerry Lewis; the latest issue of GQ with Tom Hanks, Will Smith and Dylan McDermott on the cover; and a 1999 issue of Vanity Fair featuring on the cover a powdered countenance of Jim Carrey.

Having wound up a hard day's activity, Willie sank into a bean bag and began to tell the story of his life. It's no laughing matter, I warn you, but a tearjerker. Here's Willie as many people have never heard before.

How does it feel to be rich?

"Actually, I'm not rich. I'm just starting. It's true: Life begins at 40. I'm 39, turning 40 in January next year. Now, I'm not rich in money but I'm rich in friends. 'Yung pakikitungo mo sa tao is very important. Even if you have a lot of money kung madamot ka, parang wala rin."

How much are you worth now, more or less?

(Thinks awhile) "Less!"

I guess it's more! Are you financially secure?

"With me, whether I have money or not, I'm secure with myself. I don't have to have P50 million or P100 million to feel secure."

Don't you measure success by the amount of money you have?

"No way! Aside from goodwill towards your fellowmen, you must have faith in God. That makes you feel secure. As a comedian, I think that if you make people laugh, you should be secure with your ability, with yourself. When I'm appreciated as an actor, 'yon ang security ko."

If you're a firm believer in God, you should believe that perhaps you've done something good for God to be showering you with all these blessings. Do you have any favorite saint?

"None. I simply believe in God."

I presume that you're Catholic.

"I'm a Born-Again Christian, but whatever your religious beliefs are, you must realize that there's only one God, the God of all of us regardless of religion. I put God in my heart, my mind and my spirit. First thing I do when I wake up is pray, 'Lord, kayo na ang bahala sa akin!' I also pray before going to bed at night. When I pray, I never ask for any favor; I just thank God. Thank you ako nang thank you."

Did you become a Born-Again Christian after you broke up with Princess (Punzalan; their marriage has been annulled)?

"No. During our marriage. No, she didn't convince me. I attended the 'services' at nagustuhan ko."

Is your lifestyle now that you're successful any different from your lifestyle during your "struggling" days?

"Honestly, I haven't changed at all as a person. Only my schedule has changed because now I'm very busy. I'm now saving for my dream house, just like what Cesar (Montano), Aga (Muhlach) and Richard (Gomez) did."

What's your dream house?

"I want to build it near a golf course, sa tabi ng bundok, o kaya sa tabi ng beach. I'll paint it all white para maaliwalas. White enhances peace of mind, di ba?"

What are the perks in your life now? Do you have more friends now?

"Mas maraming bumabati sa akin. I feel more secure because, as I've said, I'm now appreciated as I am; people are now giving me credit. I really passed through the eye of a needle and went through all the hurts and pains. When I'm alone in my aircon room, lying in my soft bed and looking at the ceiling, I think of my early years, during my drummer days, when I couldn't even afford to buy an electric fan or a TV set. I'm thankful that I get to where I am now without stepping on the toes of anybody. I have a clean conscience."

Talagang hungry years.

"You know, kapag walang tugtog, walang pagkain. Isang kahig, isang tuka."

How did you survive? Did you depend on friends for survival?

"I depended on myself. I'm a survivor. I came from a problematic family, so even as a kid, I learned how to depend only on myself. My parents broke up when I was small; my mother got married to somebody else and my father married somebody else. OA na ikuwento pero very dramatic ang life story. Tearjerker, hindi comedy. I was tossed from one relative to another, from the new husband of my mother to the new wife of my father. Basta, magulo. That kind of life."

What lesson, if any, did you learn from all these experiences?

"That you have to learn to stand on your own two feet because, ultimately, it's only you and you yourself you can depend on. Only you can decide for yourself and follow the direction that you want in life. Like drugs. Kung ayaw mo talaga, you won't be forced to take it. I used to perform (with a band) at the Birdland (a pubhouse which stood where the burned Ozone Disco used to be when the area was occupied by a gas station). Nagdadamo sila doon, nagmama-marijuana. They asked me to join them but I refused. I don't smoke, I don't drink. I've never tried drugs in my whole life." I used to perform (with a band) at the Birdland (a pubhouse which stood where the burned Ozone Disco used to be when the area was occupied by a gas station). Nagdadamo sila doon, nagmama-marijuana. They asked me to join them but I refused. I don't smoke, I don't drink. I've never tried drugs in my whole life."

Never?

"Never! Honest!"

So your only vice is women.

"Not really vice; weakness siguro. Pero nag-mellow na ako. I've changed. Before, inaamin ko, babaero ako but now not anymore."

It's ironic, considering that now, with all your money, you can well afford to womanize.

"You know what my schedule is from Monday to Saturday? It's like this: I go to ABS-CBN for MTB. After the show, I simply loaf around the studio or linger at the canteen. By 6 to 7 p.m., I'm home. After watching TV Patrol, nagpapahinga na ako. I have stopped courting girls. Tinatamad na ako. I don't want to hurt other people's feelings, especially women. I don't want to be unfair to them -- you know, 'yung iwa-one time mo lang. Baka ma-karma ako. If I do that, baka mawala pa ang success na ini-enjoy ko ngayon. I'm careful about my every move, especially after our suspension (By the MTRCB due to his and co-hosts Randy Santiago and John Estrada's green jokes and perceived 'taking chances' with Calendar Girls contestants. -- RFL). Ingat na ingat na ako baka maka-offend ako ng tao."

So that suspension has done you good. You learned a lesson.

"Now I don't want to crack a joke at the expense of anybody."

Careful ka na rin sa paghawak-hawak ng mga Calendar Girls contestants.

"Very careful! Ingat na ingat na ingat na. I've become aware of my responsibility as a TV host and as an entertainer. The suspension was a wake-up call for us, especially for me. I was singled out. Ako daw ang pinaka-bastos. I thank Tita Midz (MTRCB Chief Armida Siguion-Reyna) for what she did because I learned a lesson. Thank you, Tita Midz!"

Ikaw daw ang nagdadala ng MTB.

"I don't think so; it's really the three of us. It's just that among the three of us, ako ang talagang maloko, usually the one who delivers the punch line. I'm also the only one single. Correction, un-married. Randy has nothing more to prove because he has been there (GMA's Lunch Date and other noontime shows). It was Randy who discovered me. John is still young and has a long way to go."

Were you discovered by Randy as a member of his Hawi Boys (who made way for Randy during public appearances)?

"I was a drummer then for Cicada. That was in 1986. I just came from Singapore and Randy told me to see him at Lunch Date, gagawin daw niya akong sidekick. I didn't stay long at Lunch Date because of intrigues. Kesyo ayaw daw akong kasama ni Randy dahil sinasapawan ko siya."

And now, you're even a bigger star and more popular than Randy.

"Hindi naman!"

Being the father of a 17-year-old girl (Meryll Soriano), are you aware of your responsibility not only to kids but also to (especially) girls Meryll's age?

"I am now, more than ever, especially after the 'suspension.' I may be pilyo or malokong tao but I beg to disagree that I am bastos. If you ask me, ang bastos is a person who doesn't respect other people, especially the elders. Hindi sa pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko, ha, but I always make it a point to use 'po' and 'opo' when talking to older people. Maski reporters, pinu-po at inu-opo ko sila."

Where did you learn all these values, considering the kind of childhood that you had?

"Through experience. I've met and known all sorts of people, both the rich and the poor, and I learned from all of them. Pero hindi ako materialistic na tao. Puede ako sa itaas, puede ako sa ibaba. If all these would be taken away from me (by God), I won't regret it, as long as I have my values intact and people love me. It's painful to think na kapag ibinurol ka, walang makikipaglamay. What could be more sad and more pathetic than being buried with nobody around. Masarap 'yung habang binuburol ka, there are many people around talking about the good things that you've done in life."

Do you still have contact with your mother (who has remarried again)?

"She comes to see me every now and then."

You're not bitter toward her (or your father), are you?

"Wala na 'yon." (Eyes turning misty) "But you know, when I was small, never kong nakasama ang Nanay at Tatay ko sa hapag-kainan. My father is dead, may he rest in peace. I had this longing for a mother's love so I became close to the mothers of my friends -- Aga's mother, for example. Some people said that I was full of anger and bitterness at ang kayabangan ko raw was only a defense mechanism. That was a wrong impression. The truth was that talagang I was just longing for love, for that feeling of family."

Ma-drama pala ang buhay mo.

(Goes on as if in monologue, eyes turning even more misty) "During holidays, like Christmas, I'd spend time with this family and that family, kung kani-kanino. Sad, isn't it? Never with my own family because I didn't have any."

But things did change when you and Princess got married...

"In a way. But then, there were only the two of us. We didn't have a child. All I can say is that even now that we're separated, friends pa rin kami ni Princess. I and Becky (mother of Meryll and sister of Maricel Soriano), kahit wala na kami, we're still friends. I never talk ill about them and they never talk ill about me."

People thought that you married Princess for her wealth (inherited from her late mom, Helen Vela).

"That's an old issue. The truth is that I signed a pre-nuptial agreement to prove that I married Princess because I love her. When we separated, I didn't get a single cent from her. Hindi ako manghuhuthot.

You have only one love child, haven't you?

"I have another one, Louise Anne ang pangalan, but I'm not supporting her like I do to Meryll. Kasi, Louise Anne's mother comes from a rich family at medyo ma-pride. Ayaw tanggapin ang offer kong support. When we broke up, parang, you know, 'We don't need you!' Ganoon. With Meryll, I make it a point to be there when she needs me. We're just like friends."

What do you remind Meryll about boys?

"I just tell her to take good care of herself, to be careful. I always remind her, 'It's hard to get married young. Look at your mom and me. We broke up before long.' I always tell her that."

I remember that two years ago, you almost quit showbiz and migrated to the States. If you did, there wouldn't have been MTB today.

"That was before the movie Boy Tigas came about, my first starring role. Boy Tigas was the turning point of my life and career. When director Tony Reyes offered it to me, I was ready to accept it even without any pay. Bida kasi ako, e! I was flattered by the trust direk Tony had in me and the couple Dino and Juvy Cayanan, the producers. Before Boy Tigas, I was always the sidekick of the bida. Finally, bida na ako, so I grabbed the opportunity."

What would you have done in the States?

"Drummer uli. But it wasn't meant to be. While promoting Boy Tigas, I went to Korina Sanchez to show her the movie's poster. Ang bait niya. She invited me to her radio program to plug my movie. Talagang nilalako ko ang sarili ko noon. I even went to the APO on 'Sang Linggo nAPO Sila to promote the movie in the Calendar Girls portion. It was Randy who got me in."

And you were discovered as future host of MTB in the Calendar Girls portion. How ironic. The same portion would later lead to your suspension.

"Then, I went to Jullie (Yap-Daza's) show to plug the movie, 'Watch my movie para naman umangat ang buhay ko!' I was hawking myself."

What happened to your buy-and-sell cars business?

"I have to set it aside for the meantime because of my schedule. I'm really fond of cars and I did well buying and selling cars. When I saved enough money, first thing I did was buy two cars, a Range Rover and a Mark III van. Katas ng MTB ang mga 'yan!"

You're a bachelor again. How are you doing on your solo flight?

"Right now, I'm contented with my life. What more can I ask for? I don't aspire to be a millionaire. For me, health is wealth, What will I do with millions if I have cancer or if I'm not well? If I have enough, it's okay with me."

If and when your dream house is finished, who will you enthrone there as the "queen?"

"Somebody who's a homebody, a nice girl, simple in ways. Somebody who will be happy at home taking care of our children. Ayoko ng career-woman who hardly has time for the family."

Okay, I'll give you a choice, pera o bayong. P1 million in cash against the bayong with, maybe, Princess Punzalan inside. Pera o bayong?

(Thinks hard and ends up not answering at all)

What should the bayong contain that will make you give up the one million?

(Eyes lighting up) "Siguro, 'yung echo ng tawa ng tao, You know, you open the bayong and you hear the people's laughter. Like a big laughing bag. One million is not even enough to pay for the fulfillment that a comedian gets from his audience's laughter."