Holding Sand

CEBU, Philippines - "We are familiar of the experience of wishing, hoping, and fervently praying that this [love] would be forever. But do we really get to keep the one we love? It is by bearing in mind that the other person is free. Paradoxical, perhaps, but consider this: it is only in the truthfulness of a being that one can truly love, and to be such a being, one needs to be free." A quote from a not-so-old sage who might have had said it after innumerable bottles of beer.

This is the introductory part his song titled "Holding Sand." A song as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking, if one cares to take the time to fully understand it. It's about love and letting go; but not "letting go" in the ordinary sense of the phrase. Instead, it's letting be, letting the other person make a genuine free choice, in the full exercise of his or her own individual sense of freedom: uninfluenced, untamed, unshackled, free.

The first time I heard the song, approximately three years ago, my mind was opened to the reality of freedom. In absorbing the thought, I was overwhelmed by the realization, regretful that it had come so late. It felt like I had been lost for a time.

As the words made their way through my ears and into my mind, it felt heavy at one moment - and liberating the next. It felt like a huge part of the iceberg of reality had been brought out to the surface of my life. Then the song continued, "…Loving you is knowing you're free to choose to stay or go away."

The simplicity, the honesty, reality, and straightforwardness of the words pierced through my senses and into my soul. It had since left scars… of enlightenment.

The scars still hurt because they're of the truth; scars that appease because they're of wisdom. Now I know, whenever someone says something about letting go, the likelihood is, he is still holding on… Perhaps, one can never really completely let go. Perhaps, that's the truth.

But still, life goes on, and one only has to leave a part of himself and never look back - because looking back hurts all the more, it takes him off-course, makes him think of the times that he knows will never ever happen again. That's the sad thing about happy memories - especially if one knows that those moments are never coming back.

But the good thing is that happy times had happened. Good things never last, including those things that are worth more than one's own life and happiness. The moment he realizes that, he knows what love really is. It's an act letting go and letting be and thinking more about the beloved's happiness. Then, to him it's all that matters.

Not everything is meant to be, but everything is worth a try. To have tried and failed is, in itself, beautiful enough, for that's how life is. Life is unfair; life hurts. The whole life process is about letting go, but to the very end people find themselves holding on to the thought of those times that made them really alive.