Farm spies and romances

It seems the Senate hearings on the case of Alice Guo (Guo Hua Ping) and her ilk are reaching a dead end.

The barely educated farm girl who accumulated a vast P20-billion fortune and won a powerful local government job in less than half a decade seems to have decided to fight it out before the joint Senate committees on women and children, migrant workers and dangerous drugs to protect herself (she claims death threats), her reputation (she is accused of human trafficking, cyber fraud, money laundering, murder and countless other crimes) and her future (she wants to get back to her job as a small town mayor (her preferred role in these troubled times).

Thanks to the wisdom of her small-town lawyers, Alice (Guo Hua Ping) has opted to bring the fight before the courts, rather than before a hostile group of exasperated senators, some of whom are motivated not just by a desire to craft better anti-criminality legislation but more so in aid of reelection or election to some higher office. Alice of Bambanland is determined to wear the senators’ patience thin by simply lying, lying, lying. Yes, this is a 34-year-old woman raised in a farm – a spy farm. Her training is good. In the CIA farm, one learns about “explosives, booby traps, escape and evasion techniques, survival training and interrogation.”

Per Quora, spy farms indeed were farms which were commandeered during World War II, along with the farmhouses, and repurposed into training schools for spy officers. So when Alice Guo says “laki ako sa farm,” she just might be telling the senators the truth. In this light, hindi kaya Guo’s lawyers are also “laki sa farm?” They lie better than Guo herself.

And most probably, the ex-Philippine National Police chief who arranged Guo’s celebrated escape last July was also “laki sa farm.” The senators have linked Guo romantically to another small-town mayor, of Pangasinan. Is the guy also “laki sa farm?” After all, the Bamban mayor and the Sual mayor have a number of farm-related businesses. The two even exchange bespoke t-shirts but not for farm wear.

Meanwhile, in the House of Representatives, the super-size quad committee led by committee on dangerous drugs chair Rep. Robert Ace Barbers, looks to have a bigger potential for major discoveries in the field of syndicated and high stakes conspiracy crimes. Quad comm’s mandate is conduct hearings into the possible connection between Philippine offshore gaming operations (POGOs) and illegal drugs, extrajudicial killings (EJKs) and human rights violations during the bloody war waged by the six-year Rodrigo Roa Duterte presidency. Now, that’s what I call awesome.

The quad comm includes the committees on public accounts chaired by Rep. Caraps Paduano, public order and safety chair Dan Fernandez and human rights chair Bienvenido Abante Jr. In sum, that’s taxpayers’ money, public order and human rights – the whole gamut of governance or lack of it.

Fernandez, 58, is an optometrist and an actor. Benny Abante, 73, is a Bible-reading pastor (not the Quiboloy variety). Caraps Paduano (alias Carapali Lualhati), 59, is a former rebel (national commander, Revolutionary Proletarian Army-Alex Boncayao Brigade). ABB used to be the NPA’s assassination squad. Caraps has gone mainstream though. Ace Barbers, 55, is the son of a famous police officer and master spy.

That’s a nice probe panel: an optometrist (spies use a magnifying glass) and an actor (Dan), a pastor (Benny), a retired revolutionary assassination leader (Caraps) and a good-looking politician with a police investigator’s genes (Ace). When a witness faces such a formidable panel, it will be like being between the devil and the deep blue sea, which is an unfathomable chasm. There are some hilarious moments though, during the hearings.

After a month, the quad comm’s findings so far can fill a book enough for several Robert Ludlum thrillers. A police colonel ordered by the commander-in-chief to kill three notorious drug lords, some of whose remains were turned into “dinuguan.” A police colonel romantically linked to a sergeant. A ranking former public official lawyering for financially endowed POGO operators and romantically linked to someone not of the opposite sex.

The emerging narrative is that mass killings were authorized by Duterte, the president. Perks and privileges were given police and military officers who fulfilled their quotas for the kills. The money came from the POGOs who, in turn, prospered to produce more money which, in turn, engendered more crimes, killings, abuses and syndicated anomalies of all kinds.

The quad comm’s ultimate target is the political mogul, old man Duterte himself, Mr. Big Fish personified. “We have already sent an invitation to the former president,” said Ace Barbers, who assures Digong will be accorded “the courtesy and respect” which, he points out, does not translate into special treatment.

Another big-time personality, Senator Bato dela Rosa, Digong’s former police chief, has been invited “but the senator is not compelled to attend House hearings due to inter-parliamentary courtesy,” says Barbers.

If Duterte shows up, he might want to introduce himself to the committee, “Digong, Digong Duterte.” No bullet-proof vest necessary. Just like James Bond.

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