The Odyssey: A tale of abandoned wives

“If you’ve felt abandoned in your marriage, then you are Penelope in The Odyssey,” writes my daughter, a lawyer, in her BizNewsAsia column.

Today, I lend my column space to let her explain why The Odyssey is a tale of abandoned wives. Her column:

Every woman marries a husband thinking he will take care of her. That’s why she seeks security, wealth and status – all the symbols of a good life.

Penelope in The Odyssey married the great Odysseus, whom everyone believes was All That, especially Odysseus. He was a fierce fighter, a strategic king and a smartass. In short, a Man’s Man, which makes him a Lady’s Man.

Odysseus strikes a deal with Penelope’s father to win her in marriage. What woman wouldn’t be swept by such a gesture of machismo?

So Penelope falls in love with Odysseus and quickly bears a son. She is happy she found an intellectual equal and a competent partner to rule Ithaca. She anticipates many nights of soulful conversation about Greek stuff.

However… Helen the HOEmewrecker, of her own marriage by the way, ruins Penelope’s honeymoon by running off with a Toy Boy from Troy. Now, new daddy Odysseus is called to go to war with Helen’s husband to reclaim the latter’s scandalous sleazewife.

It’s going to be a lo-o-o-ng battle, says Odysseus, because Troy is fortified and undefeated. So Penelope braces herself and waits. And waits. Five years pass. Then 10 years. Then 15.

Son keeps asking, When is Dad coming home? Stop being a brat and go memorize your Greek alphabet!

Why isn’t Odysseus coming home? Because of Hot Babes.

Every wife knows that bloodcurdling feeling – when you realize your life has turned for the worse. That your marriage would be one of those failures that housewives gossip about. That your husband did not live up to your expectations, AGAIN. And you are condemned to host drunk parties to 108 hairy freeloaders for years – until someone dies.

Penelope knows that This Is IT. That her Big Time Husband Odysseus has left her alone on the throne with a very killable son. What are Penelope’s options? She can be like her cousin HOE Helen and literally sail away with a Toy Boy. But what will happen to her son? No. She cannot be that selfish because she is a good mother.

Remarriage is out of the question. First of all, Yuk! Every man for miles around is stinky and disgusting! Penelope would rather be the widow-to-be of a heroic egotistic king than be subservient to a gold digging weakling.

Every wife who has felt alone and abandoned would like to believe that her husband will come back to her. But the truth – in mythology and reality – is harsher than your mom’s criticism – he wanted to leave you.

There is no time to mourn or rage. Later she will vent, if she finds the time to have friends. But right now, Penelope must survive and protect her son. She needs to maintain her kingdom until her son can become king. Unless of course, by some miracle, her Good Time Husband decides to come back. So for however long it takes, she must command her castle and continue on as if nothing happened.

So now it’s been 20 years and Penelope has accepted her fate. She is steadfast in maintaining appearances – she dresses regally to show she is still Queen; she holds daily feasts to show that she expects Odysseus’ return; she pretend weaves to thwart her sweaty suitors.

Penelope’s stoic composure is seen as love and fidelity – as opposed to her Hero Husband HOEdysseus. C’mon. Was he really bewitched to sleep with Hot Babes Circe and Calypso, for years and sire sons? What man needs to be seduced?

Odysseus returns

So the Big Man is back! As his long-suffering wife, Penelope’s burning questions are:

1. Why did it take you so DAMN LONG to come back?!

And more importantly…

2. Who was the Ho?!!!!

Of course as a disgruntled wife of 20 years, Penelope can’t help but add:

Oh, so NOW you want to come back?!?! After I’ve done all the work of raising your only son and heir? After you left me to fend for myself and protect your throne?

But it’s hard to stay mad at a man who Jason Bournes all the ugly Wanna Bes and extras. He’s still Got It. Even at middle age. Whatta Man.

So Penelope bites her tongue. She has waited long enough that she can’t waste time with petty arguments over how selfish and thoughtless Odysseus has (always) been.

With her husband back, Penelope makes the choice to graciously forgive Odysseus for abandoning her – though he never apologizes. She knows he hides heartbreaking secrets from her, but since this is a mythology, she doesn’t care. She doesn’t nurse resentment. She doesn’t plot revenge.

Every abandoned wife, whether actual or emotional, has had to contend with the reality of a returning husband. Too much has changed that their marriage will never be the same again. But she has learned to deal with the devastating desertion, so she knows she can survive it; that she can survive him.

It’s heartbreaking to realize the fall of a marriage, the death of a Love and the betrayal of trust. Nothing is so destabilizing as to realize that the one you completely relied on, doesn’t have your back.

It’s enough to make you crazy when you have to accept your ridiculous state: that you married so you wouldn’t be alone to weather the storms of life. But then it turns out, your husband was the one who brought you Turmoil.

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