Witching hour

What a frightful week! With shrill ululations, the highest-ranking female officials of this land began trading insults.

Senator Imee Marcos began the festivities by releasing a video that described someone over at the Executive branch as an “impakta”. The press immediately translated it as “witch”, but I wasn’t so sure.

Not so well-versed in the finer points of native freak creatures, I had to use that ubiquitous search tool to find more context. This is what it said: “a Filipino colloquial term meaning an evil, wicked or shrewish woman, derived from folklore references to malevolent spirits or demons. It is also used informally to describe someone with an unpleasant, frightening or unattractive appearance.” “Refers to a bad spirit, demon, or witch-like entity (maligno) that causes harm.”

Well, who could that be? As I started looking for likely candidates for impakta-hood, we all were beaten to it by eager reporters, who ran to Presidential Spokeswoman Clair Castro, asking her to respond. The quick comeback? “It takes one to know one”. Ooh, how’s that for sharp claws?

Although, come to think of it, does that mean Castro owned the label, and admits to being an impakta?

Not so fast. Castro elaborated by commenting that those who made Senator Imee’s video were the true embodiment of impaktas. And just to pour more fuel to the bonfire, she added “they shouldn’t worry - the crown belongs to them, to Senator Imee and her group. I have no intention of taking it away from them.”

Who knew that this slugfest would turn into a beauty contest? Now that Claire has awarded the crown of Binibining impakta, perhaps we should help her locate the runners-up. Would it be fitting to call the youngest female Senator as Little Miss Impakta, and the middle-aged female lawmakers as “Impak-Titas”? We are at that stage of name-calling anyway.

And here we thought Senator Ping Lacson calling his colleague a “kaldero” was already naughty behavior.

Not to be outdone scandal-wise, just before the weekend, a honeypot sex furor arose, with accusations that Congressman Leandro Leviste had tried to set up his provincemate Finance Secretary Ralph Recto with five sexy models. Apparently, the plan was to entrap Recto in an uncompromising and very alluring position, in the hopes of, perhaps, leverage.

Well, we can all imagine differently what kind of dirt it will take to dirty Recto, but seriously? More impaktas?

Kidding. The trafficking of disempowered women is nothing to be funny about. While we’re waiting for that other scandal to play out, and let the characters play their respective charades, let’s confine our judgmental gaze to the most powerful women in the country, who are rolling around the mud seeking audience-impakta.

Admittedly, that’s a bit difficult, since Senator Loren Legarda is inevitably linked to this side-show, what with Congressman Leviste being her son, and with both of them in the crosshairs of our Ombudsman for graft. What should we call the son of an impakta?

An animal rights group has issued a call seeking to stop the use of animal names to refer to politicians. They argue that these animals are innocent and have no connection to the dastardly crimes of our politicians, so please stop referring to the impaktas and impaktos as buaya (crocodiles) or baboy (pigs). Not even linta (leeches) should be deployed for this purpose.

Fine. Since the impaktas started the trend, let’s plumb the depths of folklore to bless our politicians with other names. Tiyanak would be top of mind. Kapre might fit the bill. In Mindanao, there is apparently the buso and the barbalang, who both relish the devouring of corpses from graves (we know who that might apply to).

Seen from this perspective, kaldero might seem benign. Even a friendly jest. Wait. So what’s that thing witches use to boil human voters, I mean, babies, in?