Virtues my mother taught me

Today would have been the 96th birthday of my mother but she left us at age 90 and I, her eldest child, was not even at her bedside then because she spent the last 25 years of her life in America, as the spouse of a US veteran. This is one of my deepest pains that I was not able to say goodbye much less thank her for all that she did for me.

My mother was a living saint and whatever I have become today, from a barefoot boy in the mountain village in south Cebu, I attribute all to God and to my parents. Between my father and mother, I learned much from Mama. Papa was a silent and distant image who took care of us but was too busy earning a living for the family. It was Mama who taught me perseverance, fortitude, hard work, patience, humility, respect and above all, to be God-centered, to understand and to forgive others. Most important of all, Mama taught me honesty and truthfulness even to the point of being deprived. She also taught me to seek peace and reconciliation and never to hold grudges. The most impactful of the lessons I learned from her is dedication to duty, to fulfil one’s duty first and not to focus on entitlement nor my rights.

My mother was a public school teacher but she was so honest that she made sure that I should not be under her class to avoid perception of bias. She never lectured me about virtues. She lived them silently, she exemplified them without bragging about them. And I learned from what she did rather than from what she said. On the virtue of honesty, I remember that my mother was the chair of the election canvassers and a candidate for mayor went to our house the night before election day, bringing money and a bunch of ballots already filled up with names. The mayor was so powerful but my mother was firm. She would not accept money, still the ballots were left with her. She asked me to bury the ballots in our vegetable garden. Happily, that candidate won and he thought that my mother did as instructed.

The mayor came back with reward money. Again, my mother rejected it even when my sister was in the hospital and we had to mortgage land to pay the hospital bills. On love for peace and reconciliation, my grandparents had a running land dispute with their siblings that they were not in talking terms for 27 years. But my mother, who was the eldest child, worked hard for the reconciliation of the whole clan. Happily, after so much pleading and conciliating, my mother was able to persuade my grandparents' siblings who were much older than them to come to the house of my lolo and lola. After 27 years of not talking to each other, the old folks just embraced each other in tears of joy and peace. Not long after that, they died in peace. My mother was the bridge of peace and forgiveness.

That land that was in dispute is already owned by me. I purchased it to honor the memory of my mother. I call it the mountain of peace and forgiveness. On dedication to duty, my mother taught me many virtues related to work by the strength of her examples. She used to wake up at 4 a.m. to prepare her lesson plans and also the lesson plans for my father who was also a teacher. My mother would cut out old magazines and newspapers, pasted them on old calendars and made some teaching materials. Then she would walk three kilometers crossing rivers and climbing mountains to reach the village schools where she was teaching all barefoot children of poor farmers and laborers. My mother augmented the family income by selling mosquito nets and blankets and many other items like "tabliya" or cacao chocolates. I was always asked to carry these items every Sunday after mass.

My mother was a devoted Catholic. St. Joseph was her patron saint in whose honor I was named Josephus. We had to walk 12 kilometers every Sunday to go mass and then sell blankets, mosquito nets and "tabliya" after church. It was a hard life. My parents were always in debt. When I became a lawyer and got myself employed in San Miguel, Pepsi and Petron, I paid all my parents’ debts. Then they went to America to follow my father who was a US veteran. I travelled to many countries all over the world but my mind and heart never left my small village up there in the mountains of Langin, Ronda, Cebu, where my mother taught me what matters most in life, and what is the meaning of it all in this world. I miss her especially today, her 96th natal day.

The virtues my mother taught me are among my most precious treasures that I hope to bequeath to my three sons and two daughters, and six grandchildren. Mothers have very important roles to play in molding the characters of men and women. As I honor my late mother today, I also salute all good mothers out there who are helping determine the destiny of life in this world.