The devil’s song and the small things

One of the things I like to do before I shut my eyes at night is to watch a movie and write down the moral I get after. Like this one, I’m trying to catch this words flying in my head before they turn into my subconscious and remember the theme maybe unknowingly. Let me start by sharing what I learn from the movie tonight entitled “Isn’t it Romantic” starring Rebel Wilson and Liam Hemsworth.

It’s about loving yourself. The world can offer you a lot of things to believe in. You can compare yourself with others, adjust yourself to fit in with others, or maybe enjoy the others’ lives instead of yours.

I am sometimes like the idea above. Alone in my boarding house where unread memoir books, my collection of The FREEMAN newspaper in a week, and the laundry which should have been washed three weeks ago which invite me to be boring, I sometimes thought of not knowing myself. At least quite not often because I’m still sure where I’m going. There are only few nights that I feel and think of getting bored. I’m a happy person but the devil in my head chases me to consider him as probability. I could probably not reach my ideal life in the future, I could probably find another girl who can accept me by impression but leave me for being traditionally romantic or I could probably grow old alone --no child, no wife and no family. (Oh my God I can’t believe I can write dramatically) These devil’s songs are playing in my head sometimes at night or first thing when I wake up. And I can’t let go of them because I find them pleasurable to think of. As a result, I answer them by trying to avoid the probabilities at this crucial age. Every day while working in the office, I can’t but talk to myself like I’m insane, but it’s good I don’t look so obvious because I appear calm with my earphones on. I talk shit to myself and sometimes listen to my own presumption. In short, sometimes I struggle whether to change my ways, myself and what I believe in just to prevent the devil’s song from happening. But I am very thankful for the small things I have; the music in my phone, the desire to write, coffee, the thirst to read, and the simplicity to enjoy without care. Those things remind me of myself. I’m a funny guy I should give to God what I worry about. I should leave them to him and I’ll just do my best.

These thoughts, for example, are midnight food to reflect on. I’m now good to close my eyes and open my eyes tomorrow to do another small thing in reading the newspaper and close my eyes again when night comes for another exciting reason.

Edmer John Caballes

Mandaue City