The S word

While everyone was so obsessed with the "F" bomb, I was focused on a different issue.

Mine was the "s" word.  Not "sex", but rather, "slut".   Not that the invective "slut" was really being uttered or bandied about, or thrown right in the face of women, but more like the big bullying sledgehammer that it inherently is that I suddenly saw, both in the press or in discussion groups, being wielded to pillory women.

I may not be articulating myself clearly., but fortunately, this isn't a new concept. It's called "slut shaming."  Wikipedia, the authoritative source, has a definition for it: Slut shaming is the act of criticising a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity, or for behaving in ways that someone thinks are associated with her real or presumed sexual activity.

Blogger Leora Tanenbaum says this in her Huffpost: "slut shaming is the experience of being labeled a sexually out of control girl or woman (a "slut" or "ho") and then being punished socially for possessing this identity.  Slut-shaming is sexist because only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior.  This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts."

Sounds familiar?  For me, it's the typical Filipino macho slash conservative Catholic values being wielded against women here.

So the new Filipina is supposed to own herself, her body, her destiny. So she chooses to have a sexual life.  So, the choice is someone beneath her social station. Lady Chatterly chooses her gardener.  Maybe they have sex. Maybe they have a real relationship.  Who cares.

Well. Apparently, we do. Gasps! Shock! Moral outrage! Invectives! Stones thrown left and right! The internet buzzes.  The headlines come.  The moral majority (yes, they're still alive) come out to pronounce judgment.  That woman is immoral! Sinverguenza! She deserves to go around society wearing the scarlet letter "S" stamped prominently on her forehead!

Excuse me for thinking I was in modern society. Apparently, I am living in the...1920s? 1800s? The 16th century?  Somebody wake me up and tell me which century I belong to.

In college, I had a debate with a dormitory mate about one night stands.  I was from a Catholic school from Manila, he was from a Christian educational institute from the province.  He was upset, accusing me of condoning "fornication".  I was jolted into unfamiliar territory, because  while I knew the definition, I just couldn't figure out where to apply it.  I was wondering what it had to do with anything we were discussing.  After a few exploratory sallies, I realized he meant any sexual activity outside the bonds of marriage was already committing the sin of fornication. Just in my teens then, I already felt the judgment flowing from that label.

Years pass, and the world becomes more liberal.  Japanese female porn stars come here to the country for revived acting careers. Gay marriage is legal in many parts of the world.  A transgender is elected to Philippine Congress.  The world seems more relaxed.

I wake up in 2016, and suddenly, rather than feeling comfortable in the midst of shared values and moving forward from there, I seem to find myself mired in the middle of the same value system that prevailed when I was a teenager.

I see a gay friend spouting ridiculous stuff like Manila society would never condone a woman for sleeping with the help.  Whoa. How judgmental have we become? How class-oriented too.  Has this private school, Ivy league educated upper class professional never slept with a ______ (fill in with the most distasteful profession you can think of. But not "lawyer", ok?).  More importantly, did we develop a caste system overnight?

Why do we waste time talking about sexual partners?  It shouldn't be used as ammunition to attack enemies, or public figures, or even private persons.  Sexual lives are private.  If a person doesn't bandy it about or talk about it, then we shouldn't.  It's none of our collective business, and when we poke our heads into the sexual lives of other people, it just reveals the distasteful propensity to pry and peep.  Poop that!

Let's all F. (I mean, focus). Focus on what's important. What's essential. The things that matter. Governance. Uplifting the lives of citizens. Civility and civilization.

But please, not this sordid, squalid stuff.

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