Facebook e-tiquette

Perhaps no other country or online platform has fostered nearly unadulterated freedom of thought, almost pure democracy, as much has Facebook has in the last five or so years.  That being said, Facebook—so wide-ranging, so encompassing—has proven itself a power tool not only in social marketing, e-commerce, but in maintaining, furthering (or wrecking) interpersonal relationships amongst its users.

While I am tempted to say which topics and themes pass the standard of etiquette on Facebook, I think at this point, surely, no one has the monopoly over the propriety of what other people post on this ultra-democratic space. Each post or photo is a personal judgment call, the consequences of which, if at all, whether immediate or residual, the Facebook user(s) involved will have to face on their own.

Since joining the social networking site in November 2008, I have had my fair share of horror stories; some have to do with trolls whose sole online purpose is to attack and malign, some have to do with inconsiderate, imposing, and judgmental friends and relatives, and the rest, well, the rest is due to my own recklessness. At one point, this thoughtlessness of mine has resulted in an entry on the blind item section of a local daily (no thanks in part to treacherous friends who lurk, awaiting your next contentious post they can use as fodder for gossip). What can I do, my life is an open (Face) book, and I’m comfortable with that, mindful of the consequences, of course. My life, my Facebook, my rules.

I personally feel that Facebook is an excellent mechanism for documenting one’s life, progress, milestones, an efficient archival system that keeps track of your highs and lows. Imagine when old and gray, Facebook might help you remember precious and priceless moments — captured in photo or words —with your loved ones and friends. Also, thanks to Globe’s unlimited data plan, I have the means to check into (anytime and anywhere) a treasure trove of information and material whose easy access is crucial, business or career-wise.

At this point though, despite being a free space, allow me to propose some suggestions to aid our overall Facebook experience. A guide is always helpful, especially when our online existence is actually a co-existence shared with others, so we don’t overstep our bounds. Being suggestions, feel free to amend, add to, subtract from, or adopt in toto the following proposal.

On commenting on status posts or photos: If you have the time to comment on your friends’ status posts or photos, be sure you also have the time to read everything first.

On liking posts: If you like a post that is clearly, say, pro PNoy, try to prevail upon your balimbing self when the urge is there to also like an anti-PNoy post, wanting to please everyone. People are sometimes heedless that they lose credibility through simple activities like this.

Also, when someone posts that they are sick or that someone close to them has passed on, unless there is a redeeming value somewhere in the post (like a touching message or a moving anecdote), maybe it’s best that you don’t “like” it. Or if you really want to, try to take the time out to leave a message or comment to justify why you would like them being sick or bereaved.  

On political posts: Let’s all agree to disagree, shall we? Otherwise, if you cannot accept a plurality of views, click “unfriend.”

A shoutout goes to dear friends Lorna Verano, Mabel Villarica-Mamba, and Leon Flores, the three of them, arguably, the staunchest supporters of President Noynoy Aquino in my FB network.

Tita Lorna was congresswoman during the time of President Cory (her ex-husband General Yap was Cory’s aide-de-camp), Chair Mabel (she was chairwoman of the National Youth Commission when I was still in college and a youth volunteer of the agency, so the nickname “Chair Mabel” stuck) is currently a member of the board of the PCSO, while her husband a cabinet secretary of PNoy, and Leon is now chair of the NYC with the rank of undersecretary.

I don’t “like” their posts that are “pro PNoy,” conversely, they don’t like mine which are critical of the president. But for everything else, other posts, photos, anecdotes on life, family, love, we still like or comment. Compartmentalize! And so we have to develop the ability to compartmentalize our thoughts and opinions if we wish to continue enjoying Facebook and its freedoms (because this freedom is not only ours, others own it too).

Tita Lorna loves quoting Voltaire (or is it Evelyn Beatrice Hall?) on the issue: “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”

Only people with minds so narrow are not able to compartmentalize. For minds that are too narrow, there isn’t room for compartments, simple physics.  

On private messages: It would be nice if those sending requests (“please like so and so in this contest blah, blah”) via PM also make their presence felt from time to time, either through comments, a happy birthday greeting, or an occasional ‘like’ at the very least. I really don’t mind when actual friends send requests, but it’s a shocker when people you didn’t even know were in your FB network start PM-ing you asking for a favor.

On tagging: The only people you should be tagging to photos are your close friends, especially when the photo doesn’t have their faces. If you really have to tag because you’re eager to show people something, tag them through comment—they’ll be notified, but they won’t be pestered with incessant updates on their notifications in case your photo generates a lot of comments.

On adding friends: If you want to add someone you don’t know, go ahead and try adding them. You can even include an introductory message explaining why you find the need to do so. If they accept, well and good. If they don’t, gosh, don’t badger them on their timeline or through PM asking them to “please add me.” Nothing can be more pathetic. 

Anyhow, there’s a lot more I want to discuss, but I have run out of space. Till next. Ciao!

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