New year, new beginnings

Last week, I wrote about the "original desperate housewife" Butchie Lim-Ayuyao and her four sons, all of whom had experienced some form of drug dependency in their teenage years in the ’80s.

Butchie believed, like most mothers who thought the world of her sons, that such a terrible thing could happen to other families, not her own. In her words, her family was "traditional, we did not go socializing, we went on vacations together." She and her husband attended virtually every PTA meeting in their sons’ school.

Still, bad things happen even to good people, and as the Ayuyaos’ case has shown, even to the best of us.

Fortunately, Butchie and her late husband Dodo Ayuyao awoke from the slumber of denial early enough, and were led to the right facility – the New Beginnings Foundation established by Josine Loinaz-Elizalde and some friends in 1990 – that completely rehabilitated her boys.

In order to reach out to other "desperate housewives," Butchie shared her story last week (see People, Jan. 5), wanting to share the gift of a "new beginning" to all who fear that their lives, marriages and careers have come to an end.

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Among those who also shared the story of their new lives with me was Chris Lichauco, eldest son of former Transportation Undersecretary Josie Trinidad-Lichauco and her late husband Eddie. Chris, the youngest officer of Maynilad Water, shares his story because he knows it could be the lifeline of someone about to drown in despair.

Chris had everything going for him – he was handsome, rich, US-educated and de buena familia. But one day, his family woke up to find their golden boy was already an alcoholic. It was Chris’ wife who brought him to New Beginnings. That day marked the end of their marriage (he and his ex-wife remain friends, though), but the beginning of his new life.

When is a person an alcoholic?

"When he is not able to last without drinking," says Chris. "Alcoholics don’t need to drink every day. But when they drink, they can’t stop. And they drink to get drunk. They don’t just drink to unwind."

Chris started drinking when he was 23, and in the next 13 years became a very heavy vodka drinker. Still, he was able to keep his job and get married. Until one day, his wife "checked him into" New Beginnings. Of course he did not want to, and he felt that checking into the facility was like "taking my life away." Instead, he got his life, although not his marriage, back. "It really was a program of hope."

After his rehab, Chris returned to his old job and even got promoted. He has remained sober, though his self-control is constantly tested. "As you achieve a certain number of years of sobriety, there’s always a test that comes your way. Siguro my test came on my wedding anniversary last year. Before that, there was still a glimmer of hope, but on that day, I had accepted that it was really over." Did he turn to the bottle for consolation? Nope. It was then that Chris knew that between him and alcoholism, he was the victor.

"I feel liberated talking about it now. It feels good because I have nothing to hide anymore."

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Raffy (he requests anonymity) is now the CEO of a high-profile firm which he and his wife Vilma own. He has completely recovered from 26 years of both drug and alcohol use.

Raffy was a bright university student, and his plan was to "enter into the world of drugs for three years, then quit." Being bright was a liability, because he was able to juggle drugs and books quite well, thank you.

"Sabi ko, pag-graduate ko, titigil na ako. A friend gave me heroin and I said, ‘extension pa ng two years.’ I was only 20, sasagarin ko na. Mura pa noon, eh (the late ’60s and early ’70s). Mild user pa lang ako noon. But before I knew it, I had been using drugs for five years. Then I got hooked on a certain cough syrup. That was my life for the next 18 years."

"I never got to use my schooling. I would keep a job, but for only two months. Konting ligo lang. I would find another job, so to speak. That was my life for 26 years. I would take shabu and gin combined. I would take my first bottle at 5:30 a.m.!"

"I thought religion would save me. I became a pastor. But after six weeks, I started on the cough syrup again." Ironically, he was preaching against drug abuse!

For Raffy and Vilma, the tragedy was that on their honeymoon night, "nothing happened," recalls Raffy.

"I was more preoccupied with drugs," he recalls. Because of the drugs, he was not capable of an erection on his honeymoon night and the nights after.

According to Raffy, Vilma did not leave him because, "I convinced her that because of our marriage vows, she will go to hell if she ever left me."

Vilma says that the final straw was when Raffy "attempted to burn our house."

"Since she couldn’t leave me, she researched and found the phone number of New Beginnings in the Yellow Pages," recalls Raffy.

It took only 45 days at New Beginnings to undo 26 years of drug and alcohol abuse for Raffy.

Finally, a honeymoon!

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For the Ayuyaos, Josine, Chris, Raffy and Vilma (a co-dependent), the honeymoon of their new lives isn’t over.

Dondi Ayuyao is the executive director of New Beginnings. He understands every single person who goes to the facility for help, because he has experienced their misery.

Dennis Ayuyao (the one whom the doctors thought had a brain seizure) went to a treatment center at the Ross Hospital in Marin county, north of San Francisco. He completed the program at Ross in 28 days and now has about 10 years of recovery. Dennis is married to Ayet Ayuyao and they are blessed with kids. He co-owns a company that assembles clothing for export to the US.

Ding (the youngest son) worked at New Beginnings for about five years as the senior counselor at their Halfway House program. He now has over 10 years of recovery from drug and alcohol use. He is now managing the family’s companies, which include their dad’s law firm "Ayuyao & Associates," Lolo Dad’s restaurant and a laundry shop called "Baywash." He is now married to Winnie Ayuyao.

Chris Lichauco is the assistant vice president and area business manager of the Northeast Business Area of Maynilad Water.

As for Raffy and Vilma, they not only own their own firm. They now have three children!

(For inquiries on New Beginnings, call their hotline at 0920-9066200 or 809-4578 and 772-2122.)