A long goodbye

A diplomat’s life is a series of “Hello” and “Goodbye.” They assume a post in a foreign country, usually for a tour of duty of three years, maybe four. The learning curve for getting to know a country and its people, its culture and attitudes, plus making a home in what could be a strange and very different environment, can be a challenge; an adventure, for sure.

Manila is a posting that makes this task not a difficult one. The Filipino’s famed hospitality, openness and warmth are most welcoming to foreigners, including – especially – diplomats. With 133 diplomatic missions representing 99 countries – embassies and consulates – mostly in Manila but also in Cebu and Davao, the Philippines is, I dare say, a choice post.

Thus there is a constant traffic of diplomats coming and going. In their three-odd years here most, if not all, have made fast friends, and so when they are recalled or reassigned, the despedidas line up, sometimes for months, for a truly Pinoy sendoff.

As one guest observed, there are not enough days for the string of despedidas for US Ambassador MaryKay Carlson and her husband Aubrey, who are set to leave end of the month. Ernest Escaler – he of Gourmet Farms and Gourmet Coffee and Gourmet Café – hosted a “Till we meet again” dinner on a balmy evening last week, a quiet (maybe not so quiet) little get-together for 13 (was I the odd one?) in the garden of his home, under tall trees and lush shrubbery, a stone’s throw but worlds away from the bustle of Parañaque.

Being the only media person present, I declared right off that I was not working so what was said would be off the record, unless otherwise permitted. That’s to ensure open and free-flowing conversation so we don’t break protocol or cause an international incident!

Talk veered to diplomatic despedidas, what with three other ambassadors present – Papal Nuncio Archbishop John Brown (really cool guy!), Marielle Geraise of the Netherlands and Abdul Malik Melvin Castelino of Malaysia. An inventory of departing diplomats yielded quite a long list, and since embassy row is a tight-knit community, their social calendars will be full of send-off parties – not to mention National Day receptions – for the next months.

MaryKay’s three-and-a-half years here were full of milestone moments, officially and personally. Pressed to pick the most memorable, she cited without hesitation giving the Congressional Gold Medal to Filipino WW2 veterans. She has presided over several such conferments, in Baguio, Los Baños and, most recently in October, in Palo, Leyte. In a post on the embassy website, she wrote: “Among the most meaningful things I’ve done in my four decades as a diplomat is present the US Congressional Gold Medal to Filipino WWII veterans. Proud to call these heroes and the families #FriendsPartnersAllies! Grateful for their service and sacrifice.”

On a lighter note, I did manage to get a scoop, as she did give me permission to share an anecdote about an evaluation she received in a previous post in an Asian capital, where she was described as “sparkling.” Considering all the meaningful – sometimes difficult – work she’s done, we all tried, amidst hearty laughter, to picture MaryKay Carlson as sparkling. Prescient, it turns out, as “Kumukutikutitap,” the Christmas ditty by National Artist Ryan Cayabyab, is “the song I take in my heart,” she wrote in her oft-quoted farewell message issued last weekend.

I do recall her telling us when she visited The STAR office sometime ago that she was once introduced at a mission briefing as MaryKay Carlson “who makes cupcakes,” since she would share them with colleagues at the embassy. Despite the strides women have made in the foreign service all over the world – there are quite a number of women ambassadors now – some folks unfortunately still cling to outdated stereotypes.

I did not manage to get a scoop though from Stanley Ng, from whom everyone wanted to know if the rumors were true that he was joining the Cabinet as tourism chief. I thought of threatening him with no dinner – that’s quite a punishment, considering what was on the menu – if he didn’t give me an answer. But I must abide by my “off the record” promise, or I might not be invited to dinner again. So we talked about flying, which he still does twice a month – he had just come back from Brisbane and would fly to Guam before month’s end – and golf, which he has recently taken up.

I also talked golf with Teres Dabao who, with my niece the golf coach, won a club championship a few years back. Ed Mijares shared photos and tempted me with his Coca-Cola on the rocks. Lin Ilusorio Bildner and I talked about the National Artist Award and she pointed out how it is lopsided gender-wise: of the 80 National Artists proclaimed since 1972, only 16 or 20 percent are women. Will the new batch, due to be named this year (after the usual lengthy and perhaps contentious closed-door deliberations, the final list is said to have already been transmitted to Malacañang), include more women? Abangan, as they say. Mary Rufino and Peter Ten Bosch were seated at the other end of the table so we didn’t get a chance to make chika.

Our mindful host prepared two desserts that were the guests of honor’s favorites – lemon cake for MaryKay and tiramisu for Aubrey. The good thing is we got to enjoy both. Those though were just the proverbial icing on the cake of an evening that was not a good-bye but a till-we-meet-again.