A homage and a wish for women

An essential part of my remote parenting task is to talk and check on my children every day. With a highly opinionated daughter and a reticent son, distinct communication strategies and times apply. Gone are the how-are-you-fine-mom monosyllabic discourses of their teenage days. For my daughter it’s a fixed schedule. Over breakfast for me, after my Spelling Bee and Wordle brain exercise, and post-dinner for her as she skims through homework and extracurricular gigs.

One conversation was special: on the recent commemoration of International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. My daughter was upbeat, albeit tired of the commute from Katipunan to Nuvali where her secondary school alma mater is. She told of how “fulfilling” her day was. Her high school teacher, Ms. Patricia Javier, requested her to be a resource person for a gender sensitivity-related talk to a group of students between ages 15 and 16. In university she’s part of an organization that advocates anti-sexual misconduct and violence and one of their responsibilities is to conduct first response training and gender sensitivity seminars. I am pleased at how my little girl has grown and how she uses her platform not only to speak but, more importantly, to listen to the shared experiences of students as they navigate a world where harassment, bullying or, worse, violence takes place beyond the physical realm.

“We had a very interactive discussion, mom,” she said, gratified. I would love to hear how your talk was and ask you questions, I said. But first let me tell you that I had meaningfully commemorated this important day by reading “In the Time of the Butterflies.” I finished reading it last week so I will tell you snippets of it but not the whole story (she sensed my subtle way of telling her to read the book, which I’m certain she’ll do).

The gripping best-selling historical fiction, penned by American poet-novelist Julia Alvarez, is set in the Dominican Republic under the autocratic regime of Rafael Trujillo. Ms. Alvarez’s literary masterpiece is intricately woven into real gruesome events under Trujillo’s dictatorship and celebrates the courage and humanity of the convent-educated Mirabal sisters, who fought against injustice and tyranny.

I laughed, I cried, was enraged, felt a sense of déjà vu and admired the remarkable patriotism and bravery of Patria, Minerva, Dede and Mate, codenamed “las mariposas” or the butterflies. I also saw a part of me from the character of two of the four sisters. I told my daughter I watched the movie afterwards and she knew what I had to say next: that the film usually pales in comparison with the book, especially when complex elements are omitted from the plot. But it would be worth reading the book and watching the film, I emphasized. Because it was through their story that the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women came about. Three of the Mirabal sisters were brutally murdered on Nov. 25, 1960.

When our conversation shifted to her talk at her high school campus – “more of sharing and discussion, mom,” she corrected me – I gleaned that their advocacy starts from the foundational level of group discussions. Isa, as her friends and schoolmates call her, said the main concern for schools now is “teaching students how to be inclusive and sensitive to their peers.” She added that for students the “conversations should start within our own circles, especially with our male family members and friends.”

Isa laments “there are barely any restrictions on what media puts out there.” She also thinks “there’s a rampant epidemic of misogynistic misinformation that young boys and men might take on and absorb.”

As a first responder and advocate for safe spaces, she thinks that “two most important principles that truly guide me in my work are do no harm and survivor centrism.” As advocates, they “look into the uniqueness of everyone’s lived experiences, especially when it’s something as sensitive as sexual harassment and violence.” We are “the safe space, safe haven for those who trust us enough with their delicate stories.”

Are discussions like these not too sensitive and perhaps intense for students in high school? She argues that “starting these conversations young is crucial in how they grow up and see the world.” She sees the world as “constantly evolving and progressing, and I like to think that there is importance in guiding children to evolve and progress alongside it.” During such discussions they get to see “the eagerness in the children’s voices and the way they respond to activities.”

The key is always framing topics within the students’ contexts and realities. This is through “delivering a first response training seminar for high school kids, particularly to student leaders.” It means “framing inclusivity through the lenses of their classmates and their school environment and what may happen within it, like gross remarks and comments about one another, inappropriate touching, peer pressure and bullying.” Most importantly, they discuss how to be responsive and compassionate classmates to one another when someone tells them they’re being harassed or abused.

The United Nations regards violence against women and girls as “one of the most prevalent and pervasive human rights violations in the world.” The UN website reports that the “scourge” has shifted to a different platform – the digital world. Starting Nov. 25, the UN launched the 16-day UNiTE campaign to end digital violence against women and girls. The initiative, which ended on the Dec. 10, International Human Rights Day, calls on members of society, governments and tech companies to warrant the “safety of platforms and remove harmful contents.” It also calls for donors to support feminist organizations that work for the eradication of digital abuse.

The Mirabal sisters lived in a time when unspeakable means and guns were used to silence them. We are living in a time of technology-facilitated harassment, abuse and violence. I simply wish for a future devoid of these threats.