Communication breakdown

How well we communicate is not determined by how well we say things but rather, how well we are understood.

It’s pretty basic yet, much of the chaos amongst ourselves, whether it be at home or in the workplace has a lot to do with communication breakdowns. Such is the concern these past few weeks (or more) when it comes to communications on the national level.

But what causes a communication breakdown? More often than not, it is caused by a failure to listen effectively. On the other hand, when it comes to messaging, it is usually about a lack of clarity and worse, a failure to understand the other person’s perspective.

Peter Drucker said: “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said.”

In simpler terms, this is what we call, active listening. Active listening is a communication technique where a listener fully concentrates on something that is being said, understands the message, provides the appropriate feedback and responds with thoughtfulness.

This technique simply goes beyond hearing the words that are being said and at the same time involves engaging with the speaker in both verbal and nonverbal ways, while showing genuine interest and understanding.

As communicators, we are trained to pay attention in order to give the speaker the undivided attention he or she deserves. In active listening, good communicators listen with the intent to understand instead of the intent to reply.

Communication breakdowns have a big impact. If one will notice, any problem – big or small, even within a family – always seem to start with poor communication. In relationships, lack of communication is the key to making it all go wrong.

A friend of mine once wrote about words and how they matter. In the simplest of terms, this is true as every word must be carved before you let it fall. Good communicators understand that they are not just hearing words when people speak, they also need to grasp their emotions and perspectives. It doesn’t hurt to ask questions.

As a general rule, communicators should never assume they know everything and instead, ask questions to confirm understanding and show others that you are engaged. When it comes to our responses, it is important to put some careful thought which demonstrates to others how much you have been able to process information instead of just merely reacting to their comments.

In a nutshell, good communicators in effect have the capacity to build strong relationships because people feel heard and understood. That being said, this act also ultimately builds trust.

There are so many angles to touch on when it comes to communication. However – while many often touch on strategy and tactics which are very good components in communication – as a communicator, I feel the need to also touch on this one soft skill called active listening which is just as crucial in our success as effective communicators because this involves empathy for those around us. When people feel heard, the likelihood of conflict is reduced and this creates a win-win scenario for everyone.

In the words of author and speaker Jim Rohn, “If you just communicate, you can get by. But if you communicate skillfully, you can work miracles.”