Of Miss, Mrs., and Men

Novelist Stephen King recently wrote something that caught my attention. And since the month of March is international women's month, this seems an appropriate discussion. Here is his letter:

“My wife is rightly pissed by headlines like this: "Stephen King and his wife donate $1.25M to New England Historic Genealogical Society." The gift was her original idea, and she has a name: TABITHA KING. Her response follows. “Dear Editors: In recent media coverage of a gift that my husband (ironic usage) and I made to the New England Historical and Genealogical Society, we became Stephen King and his wife. Wife is a relationship or status. It is not an identity. You could have made other choices. You could have referred to me as OfStephen. Or His Old Lady. Or His-Ball-And-Chain. I have sons. You could have referred to me as Mother-of-Novelists. I have a daughter but wouldn't it be just silly to refer to me as Mother-of-Clergy? I'm seventy. I thought I would give you permission, if "OfTabitha" predeceases me, to title my obituary, Relick of Stephen King. In the meantime, you might consider the unconscious condescension in your style book, and give women back their name.”

When one goes through the records from the 1800s one would see the woman, whether foreign or indigenous (aka indio) bearing her maiden name. Anglo influence gave rise to women adopting their husband's last name as part of their legal name. They similarly introduced the system of Miss (Ms.), Mister (Mr.), and Missis (Mrs.) to distinguish between marital status. A Miss refers to an unmarried woman; a Mrs. refers to the wife of man. But while a Ms. Is always used with the maiden name of the woman, a Mrs. always uses the husband's last name. So, Sara Duterte would be Ms. Duterte, but Mrs. Mans Carpio when using "Mrs." All these, naturally, are quaint remnants of American rule in the Philippines.

In this day and age, issues on feminism continue to occupy our minds. More and more women, not only abroad but even here in our conservative country, no longer feel the need to take their husband's surname especially as the law does not require this. These issues with names become more interesting because of the work I do for a Jewish-American organization. The Jews are a different culture. Being or becoming a Jew is not as easy as converting like in other religions. Unlike other faiths, Judaism is an ethno-religious faith where simple conversion does not make one a Jew. The primary qualification to be called Jewish is to be born to a Jewish mother, part of the Jewish tradition, where one has to have the Jewish mother's connection to be considered a true Jew. Even if one's father is Jewish, if one is born to a mother who had not yet converted to Judaism, then the child remains not Jewish and conversion of the mother will not change his status. The child, to be considered Jewish, will have to convert on his own. The maternal requirement in the Jewish faith traces to ancient times when society realized divine kingship was preserved through the mother. While one can never be completely sure if their father is their biological father, the mother is always the mother (unless a switch is done). In ancient societies, while ruled by the patriarchy, societies maintained feminist traditions especially in inheritance and cultural affiliations.

Many other ancient Asian cultures, like China, retained the wife's maiden name despite marrying someone legally.  Chinese migrants in modern times and other races have slowly adopted the Anglo-American system of using the husband's name to legally identify themselves. But, perhaps one of the positive effects of wokeism is that more women are reclaiming their identities free of their husband's. As someone whose profession it is to look at records, it makes a whole lot easier if a woman is not simply identified as "Mrs. de la Cruz" but by her maiden name.