They call it shape shaming

There was a time when people would casually say “You’re fat” and think nothing more of it than an observation coupled with surprise. I remember people saying it as an expression of disbelief, particularly with individuals who have historically been slim, stayed fit or visually proportioned.

Filipinos especially out in the provinces are notorious for being “unfiltered” with such observations and statement of comparison. I remember someone from Palawan telling a visitor: “How come you’re fat and your sister is thin?” But even in the city Filipinos used to, if not still do, slip up and become politically incorrect.

How often have we heard people ask: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet? How come you’re not yet married? Why don’t you have a baby yet? and so on and so forth. To be fair, it was part curiosity, concern and showed that people felt close enough to ask such intimate questions or express concerns, particularly with weight gain.

In recent times though, Filipinos, particularly the younger generation, have espoused and campaigned for greater sensitivity and privacy concerning such matters. Political correctness has stretched beyond the borders of politics and spread out in areas concerning health, looks, faith and relationships.

Some camps try to promote non-traditional forms or concepts of relationships as well as faith, while others would rather that people don’t poke their noses or ask questions about health, lifestyle and looks. These groups have strategically placed the word “Shaming” on the table, on the floor, in the office, even at home.

It’s a tactical move so that they won’t have to say “I don’t want to talk about it” which, in a way, is avoiding conversations you don’t want while insisting that people respect your view or concern while ignoring or dismissing theirs as offensive or ignorant.  

Through her patience and kindness, my Dutch wife has managed to help me become more sensitive, restrained and considerate. I have also focused more on the person, the human being, “My friend” more than on the categories, labels and self-prescribed identities. I have also learned that in a world full of hurt and emotions, logic and science can help set the discord aside.

I mentioned the phrase “shape shaming” which my daughter introduced into our domestic vocabulary. The term of course generally refers to acts of calling out people for being fat or obese. Coming from a family of Heavy Weights, Barrel Bellies, Rotunders and unhealthily obese individuals, such labels and name calling became material for jokes.

There was even a time when a former Cabinet member under Cory Aquino publicly called my father Louie Beltran, FAT. My father quoted the Garfield cartoons and retorted: “Yes, I’m fat, but you’re ugly, and I can go on a diet.”

So how does FAT and shape shaming end up in the Opinion section? Well, last week, I put my foot down on the matter. Yes, I am against shape shaming, but I will not let people I care for, whether family or friends, use it as a defense or strategy to cut me off, or “shame me” for addressing serious health issues that will seriously hurt them, tie them to some machine or spend their productive years sick with all sorts of diseases.

Many people, particularly the youngest generation, go shields up and avoid conversations about being fat or overweight and call it shape shaming. But last week I was listening to a conversation where a health expert was illustrating the kind of life a person suffering from diabetes lives.

Their day starts with a blood glucose monitor pricking them and giving them a readout. A lot of time is consumed just by this constant monitoring. Then the amount of work that goes into checking what kind of food they can eat or not eat, what they can drink or not drink, the quantity of allowed intakes. One of my close friends has to check her levels after every meal, at home, in a restaurant or even at a party or vacation.

Then the resource person talked about mandatory exercise, the regular checkups not just for sugar levels but for kidney function, eye test to track if the condition has affected the eyes. After that the talk covered effects of such a condition for employment, insurance, travel and long-term care and maintenance. While people talk about shape shaming, these health experts were talking about deteriorating health, dialysis, financial depletion.

Imagine that? People cut you off for “shape shaming” but fail to see people who have lost their limbs due to nerve damage related to diabetes. Their short sightedness and hypersensitivity about looks put a stop to them realizing that obesity and diabetes can lead to vision loss.

What’s worse is that having the conversation might make them aware of the fact that exercise is no longer about looks or shape but is certain to make them healthier, will save their lives and from there, they could actually come to terms with their seen and unseen condition. As one nephrologist told me, it is avoidable, predictable and easily managed at the beginning but never at the end.

I mentioned science and logic earlier and as an example, I recently used the method by pointing out to someone that my concern and view go beyond looks, size or weight. Experience taught me as an obese person that being “fat” is not fun. Being scared about possible medical conditions is real. But science shows that “showing up,” doing something no matter how small, is a good start.

But the most important thing is to listen, consider and perhaps learn that people who go through the trouble and risk of addressing such a difficult matter must really be concerned for you. 

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