Too far for discomfort

With Christmas now upon us, you have to wonder how the three kings did their toilet business as they traveled in search of the newborn king. They surely did not have porta potties or lay-by gas stations back then, so did they have chamber pots, privacy blinds and a latrine digger? Did they look for caves just like King Saul did and nearly got his throat slit?

This is the sort of trivia that many balikbayans and tourists coming to the Philippines during Christmas end up talking about as they discover the challenges of finding or going to a toilet in remote villages and islands all over the country. My friend called me last week to share how, after hearing so much about Palawan and the town of Coron, he finally found a reason to go.

A whole bunch of his family members had come home from Canada and elsewhere and so he suggested that they all spend a week in Coron to go island hopping, hit the beach and have a jolly good time just like everybody else who had been there and done that. Unbeknownst to relatives he apparently had a hidden motive which was to check out available properties to buy and develop. Having never been there himself, he apparently found his invitation becoming an over-promise.

For starters, having to get up hours before your flight, work through one to two hours of traffic to the airport and then sitting at a terminal for another two hours plus at your departure gate and then another hour and a half or more just to taxi, take off and fly, all ate about five hours of their first day. Given that almost all people in the group were seniors, they were all already exhausted even before reaching their destination.

They were all glad to arrive at the Busuanga Airport but only to learn that it would take at least another hour or more to get to their hotel in town. Lucky for them the roads are all paved, and the transport vehicles are all modern. Back in my pioneering days out there, there were only two jeepney-trucks plying the route mostly on Saturday or Sunday, taking two and a half hours because there were hardly any roads to talk about. They were simply compacted mud, sand and seashells driven over by graders and bulldozers. And in the rainy season we became pioneers of jeepney drifting and obstacle avoidance, where you were scored for not sinking in the mud!

After getting settled in, the balikbayans all got into bancas and tourist boats to go on a series of island tours. First lesson: Just because you can see an island does not mean it’s nearby. After two days, the offers of island hopping were no longer attractive. The bancas were too small by international standards, comparatively more expensive and much slower and less comfortable.

The ultimate deal breaker for the balikbayans and kin was discovering that they had been charged P300 each for “environmental fee” only to find out that there were no proper toilets or latrines that tourists could use. Asking everyone to look the other direction while you stood and pissed even for the men was slightly awkward and challenging for the seniors. Those who desperately needed to do much more had to go sit “behind the bush.” Those islands are labeled tourist destinations and not the “Out-Backs!”

Nearing the end of their visit, my friend apparently met with some locals who were selling him beach property and an island or two. He entertained them more out of curiosity and information gathering but my friend said the entire experience was what made the decision: It was simply too far for discomfort. The DOT and promoters certainly over-promise paradise, exploit market ignorance, take advantage of slogans such as protecting the environment and collecting money that never gets audited and then leave tourists and visitors to take a dump or piss on the beach or in the open water.

I haven’t been to the Mt. Pinatubo tourist area, but the lack of decent proper toilets was what prevented us from inviting more people to visit before Covid. It was also too far for the discomfort.

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Are we really geared and prepared to receive and send off cruise ships in the different tourist destinations in the Philippines? What sort of environment management controls can the local hosts really guarantee in light of the fact that the most basic fees collected by LGUs are barely invested in environmental protection.

Not too long ago, residents and authorities in the City of Amsterdam moved to block or ban cruise ships, especially those with rowdy young men from across the channel wanting to experience over the counter use of various weeds such as marijuana, etc. in the city. In past years, countries have had bad experiences dealing with ships full of Covid-positive passengers, as well as the disruption that 1,000-2,000 passengers create on peace and order as well as local supply chains and price inflations.

We are only now under the PBBM-PPA administration beginning to catch up or get a handle on the challenges and development of our seaports. There is not enough money to go around, and we need to prioritize local requirements, mobility and economics before selling the dream of what benefits we can get from several thousand tourists per ship. Even if 1,000 ships brought two million passengers a year, we must first serve 110 million Filipinos before others.

Let the DOTr, PPA and DPWH study the history, cost-benefit analysis and experience of other countries first. Then find foreign investors or cruise lines to plow back some of their money where they earn them. If they believe in it – they are welcome to build it!

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