‘Kuya’ as a brand and a philosophy

In these, my later years, I have fully realized that I love to teach, share my learnings in life and simply help people with teachable hearts to navigate their way in making business decisions and looking at the big picture.

I don’t have degrees, certificates or diplomas like the more accomplished professionals I have interviewed on TV, simply because I never set out to be a professional counselor, coach or business consultant as a career. But then, I never planned on being in media, “following in my father’s footsteps” either.

Instead, I worked several years in advertising and promotions for local corporations as well as in a US company engaged in takeovers and rehabilitation of distressed companies, one of which was the equivalent of “Forbes Park” in Connecticut, where I got my OJT in property development and construction. As life connected the dots, I eventually led the construction and development of a 60-room resort in Palawan called Club Paradise, now owned by the Discovery Shores group.

Those who live long enough will tell you, you cannot survive this long and not learn a thing or two. In my case, someone asked, “How come you know so much?” I must confess, I am not a bookworm because of a vison problem, and I probably suffer from attention deficit. But after my corporate stints, the Lord God blessed me by making me a journalist and a talk show host, during which I have interviewed more than two thousand personalities, celebrities, businesspeople and thought leaders.

At a rate of 40 minutes each, not including the research provided you by a team of hardworking individuals and the wide range of subject matters tackled in a talk show, some of which repeat or recur, what are the chances that after nearly 27 years you will learn so much more than you intended to?

This does not even include the meetings and conversations with CEOs, company presidents and politicians needing to vet or bounce an idea or concern, which is what got me started in teaching and training individuals, groups and companies in various areas beyond media.

As I look back on the individuals and companies who have sought out personal advice or “professional” services, it makes a big difference if you are invested in the person and are not there just “for the money.” I don’t have a company or actively promote what I do in this field. Everything is essentially word of mouth or reputation.

Perhaps it is because giving advice to friends and even more to strangers can get sticky or tricky. In a country where pride and personal honor can get in the way of learning as well as relationship building, my brand and style get some getting used to. But all who know me will tell you I set my boundaries immediately with the title “KUYA.”

Being “Kuya” or the elder brother means being invested in a relationship of trust and respect more than a job or “racket.” It means you do not tolerate nonsense and you don’t take advantage of an obvious opportunity. Some friends have resented how I dismiss their “panic” as a non-issue or not a problem.

But the Bible teaches that one should not benefit, profit or take advantage of someone’s fear, confusion or misfortune. This usually shows up in imagined corporate crisis, where money will readily flow from someone shaking in their shoes.

Most “Kuyas” in the Philippines are strict, domineering and rub people the wrong way, especially when they correct you. All these because the Kuya carries the burden, is in the frontline and they don’t get any slack and they are the first to go through the testing.

But on the other hand, it is the Kuya who will defend you, protect you, tell you what others won’t. They are, most often than not, there in the fight for you. They may not be the sweet encourager you want them to be, but they are your strongest believer, and they will force you or push you to see what you won’t recognize because they are invested! You are not a job; you are their responsibility.

Honestly, I have “fired” or politely disengaged from some clients simply because they did not need advice. They merely wanted someone to be a sounding board or place a stamp of approval on what I saw was a bad idea or plan. As my friend Ardy Abello shared in his recent seminar on business and leadership, “Never do something just for the money.”

Why? Because the people in panic will eventually realize they did not have a crisis and that they paid you several months of consultancy fees for nothing. Then word gets around and you get burned. In fairness to the clients I “fired,” they at least discovered that Kuya will not put up with their duplicity or use of “user friendly” experts.

Yes, being a teacher, mentor, trainer or coach can be attractive, especially with so many people doing it and promoting themselves or their activities online. You might even be led to think how some are so lucky and are “killing it” with back-to-back events and engagements. You might be tempted to consider getting into the “business” as a job or livelihood.

Let me share some gleanings for you: Many of the mentors you hear or see did not simply go to school and got a certificate or license or grow old and wise overnight. Behind the real and the great are stories of extreme personal loss, poverty, identity crisis. It is the pain, the trials and the severe tests that we survived that drives us to teach or mentor others so they would be spared the senseless tragedies of life.

We the KUYAs took the hit, so you don’t have to.

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