Candles for the dead, flowers for the living

The hypocrisies of man, the many acts of showing off, and such an endless array of many human pretenses. Why do people spend too much money for flowers to be sent to funerals, wakes, and burials, when they never visited these dead when they were still alive and lonely, much less gave flowers to the living?

Pakitang tao ? Pa-aron ingnon? Well, it's none of my business. It is their money they are burning, anyway. But these things never cease to vex, annoy, and exasperate me. The flower shops and the flower vendors are making a killing because of this distinct behavioral pattern of human beings, not only in the Philippines but in the whole of Christendom.

I lived in Islamic countries, like Malaysia for three years and in Kuwait for two years. I never saw this among Muslim people. And yet, I have seen old men and women in their homes alone, by their lonesome and longing for children to visit or even just call to say hello. But when these old folks die, all the children come and make a big celebration out of the demise.

I saw a book written by a Cebuano, entitled "Send Me the Flowers Now". His message to his children, friends, neighbors, and associates is plain and simple: Instead of sending those expensive flower arrangements when I am already cold and lifeless, send them to me now. I want to see those petals and leaves, those blossoms and blooms right these days when my eyes are open and can appreciate the beauty of those roses and cattleyas, those orchids and poinsettias. I want to savor the purity and sweetness of their smell. I want to take pictures holding those bouquets and garlands. Why send them when I will no longer be there to appreciate them all?

I am also extremely turned off with insincere and simulated declarations of so-called love and alleged affections expressed during eulogies and necrological services. I would feel very uncomfortable when people would extoll the virtues of dead men and women, the same persons they bashed, ridiculed, and ignored a few months ago when these human remains were still alive.

I could not, for the life of me, bring myself up to express admiration for people I hardly know. That is why I shy away from these necrological ceremonies. I would prefer to offer the Mass in silence and from a distance. Maybe, I am not your usual and normal guy who would go along the trend just to be "in". I am a non-conformist.

I really believe that candles are for the dead and flowers are for the living. When we put all those flower arrangements on top of tombs and sepulchers, we should not kid ourselves in believing that the dead are amused by our shallow pretensions and simulated affections. We should rather pray for the repose of the departed. The Mass is the highest form of prayer and the value of our spiritual invocations is not increased by the truckloads of floral arrangements we decorate the cemetery with. One candle or a hundred candles would hardly make any difference.

Today, I will not join the crowds in the memorial gardens and cemeteries. Instead, I will visit my 97-year-old aunt who is alone on top of the mountain 17 kilometers from town and 92 kilometers from the city. I will tell her that when she is gone, I won't visit her bones anymore, for she would not be there to feel the warmth of our family bonds. I will bring chicharon, humba, and adobo. Who cares? At my age and her age too, there is no more prohibited menu. I will bring her fresh Azucena and sunflowers. I'm sure she will be happy to see me too.